In a most disturbing story, the Dallas Observer reports that six people including five volunteer firefighters from Ellis County have been arrested for sexually assaulting a new trainee with a link of chorizo sausage.  The Texas Rangers were called into investigate after the victim reported the assault.  According to reports, the six idiots first considered using a broomstick to anally rape the victim, but changed their minds and used chorizo instead.

The trainee was bent over the couch while Tucker and Stafford held him down and the sausage was inserted into his anus, the Rangers say. Then Wisakowsky cut the sausage out of the package and attempted to reinsert it, but the sausage broke up.

The trainee told the Rangers he was then released and he crawled into the nearby restroom with “smashed up sausage still between his butt cheeks.” He removed the sausage, threw up and took a shower to clean up. While he was showering, he says, someone took his clothes from the restroom. He came out of the restroom in a towel to look for his clothes. When he did, he says, Tucker took his towel. The man covered his genitals with his hands and ran to his truck to get some shorts, he says.

One can only wonder how these morons ever became volunteer firefighters.