Author Archives: Red from Texas

About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Democrats Floundering in Trump Era

democrats are now 0-3 in Trump Era special elections.  Democratic candidate John Ossof wasn’t really close to winning Georgia’s 6th Congressional District.  He was handily defeated by Karen Handel after the most expensive congressional race in U.S. history – a contest marred by vicious ads attacking Ossof.  Shadowy right wing PAC money painted Ossof as a stooge of the “mouthpiece of  terrorists” and attempted to tie him up in the shooting of Rep. Steve Scalise.

Ossof could not even match the showing of little-known Archie Parnell in the almost completely under the radar South Carolina special election also held on Tuesday.  Ossof lost by 6 points, Parnell only lost by 4 in a much more heavily Republican district.

All this shows that the GOP is holding serve where it needs to and that the Dems are lost in the woods right now.   Running basic unknowns against established politicians isn’t going to cut it no matter how much money is thrown at a race.  The message of “At least we’re not crazy” doesn’t seem to be resonating in the heartland.   Sitting around waiting for the Republicans to shoot themselves in the foot (something they are wont to do) is not working.  There is no coherent message as an alternative to a party that has been the party of War and Recession for nearly 40 years.  If you can’t beat these guys, maybe just maybe you should think about folding up shop.  Red has some ideas for a new party – but that is for another time.

Right now 2018 is looking better and better for Trump.  Red thinks Trump has a real shot at securing an even larger working majority in the House and Senate while the GOP retains control at the statehouse level across the country.  The U.S. is not headed towards strict one-party rule (like Texas), but it is approaching de facto status in that regard.

KBME’s Josh Innes Experiment Failing?

The afternoon drive-time spot is the most coveted in the sports talk radio world.  When KBME booted local legend Charlie Pallilo from that sweet spot last October and replaced him with Josh Innes – many (including Red) predicted failure.  This week Innes may have taken the first step towards the door when KBME moved him to the 6 a.m. slot.   of KBME’s (790 AM) sports talk lineup officially came Monday.

Corporate parent iHeartMedia Houston announced lineup changes, the most notable being current afternoon drive-time host Josh Innes moving to a 6 a.m. slot in a major lineup readjustment in the wake of Lance Zierlien voluntary departure.

AM 790 will now start its day with Innes (Red thankfully  has no clue what airs before 6 a.m.), followed by  “In the Trenches” with former NFL players Greg Koch and N.D.Kalu from 10 a.m. to noon (easily and hour and a half too long by Red’s standards), then Matt Thomas from noon to 3 p.m (tolerable for a lunch commute).  Innes’ and Pallilo’s former slot from 3 to 6 p.m. will be filled be hosted by veterans  Adam Clanton and Sean Jones joined by football writer Jayson Braddock (marginally better than the moronic competition at AM 610 – Yes Rich Lord – Red is talking about you ).

Astros Success is Boosting KBME Ratings – Even Pitiful Josh Innes

Red has been on the “Bash Josh Innes” bandwagon from the get-go.  But even he has to acknowledge when the sports talk listeners have gravitated up the dial to his pathetic excuse for a radio show.  The latest ratings show a marked up-tick across the board for the Houston Astros flagship station KBME AM-790.    When Josh Innes moves to third-place, larger forces are at work.  Also notable is the jump for “In the Trenches” with N.D. Kalu and Greg Koch from last place to a number 4 spot.  One can only speculate, but the best guess is that the flaming hot Astros have reinvigorated the ratings for the station.  Poor Charlie Pallilo must still be wondering what he did wrong – other than actually know something about sports.

Red has to admit that the popularity of some shows continues to perplex him.  Red would rather be staked to an anthill while dying of thirst in the desert than have to listen to Rich Lord, Sean Pendergast and Ted Johnson for more than one segment.  But apparently, Red is out of touch with the sports-talk public at large.  Here are the latest positions with the caveat that very little separates the top and bottom rated shows.  There is a 1.3 share point difference between first and last place and only 0.4 points separating the middle eight shows.

1.   Rich Lord/Sean Pendergast/Ted Johnson  2-6 p.m.      KILT

2.   Texans Radio                          6-7 p.m.      KILT

3.   Josh Innes                            2-6 p.m.      KBME

4.   Greg Koch/N.D.  Kalu                  9-11 a.m.     KBME

5t.  Mike Meltser/Seth Payne               6-10 a.m.     KILT

5t.  Sean Salisbury/John Granato           11 a.m.-1 p.m.  KFNC

5t.  Sean Jones/Adam Clanton               11 a.m.-2 p.m.  KBME

8t.  John Lopez/Cody Stoots                10 a.m.-2 pm  KILT

8t.  Lance Zierlein/Matt Thomas            6-9 a.m.      KBME

8t.  Fred Faour/A.J. Hoffman               4-7 p.m.      KFNC

10.  Joel Blank/Barry Lamanack             1-4 p.m.      KFNC

11.  Paul Gallant                          7-11 p.m.     KILT

12.  John Granato/Raheel Ramzanali         9-11 a.m.     KFNC

Praises Left Unsung at Trump’s First Cabinet Meeting

At the first full-fledged Cabinet Meeting of the Trump presidency, the various secretaries, czars and other sycophants took turns praising the exalted leader in hagiographic style.  For a full analysis of the stomach-turning cabinet session cum personality cult worship service, take a look at the CNN coverage.  Meanwhile, Red has done some additional digging and discovered a few of the deserving praises that didn’t make the cut.   But stay tuned!

Mr. President, it is an honor to serve the undoubtedly greatest man to ever hold this office.  Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Roosevelt –  Pah!  To quote Jeff Spicoli, “Those guys were fags.”  Not one of them is worthy of licking the shit off your shoes – which are clearly the finest most elegant shoes that any President has ever worn on such perfectly proportioned and beautiful feet.  And as long as we are on extremities, I will note that the Presidential hands are perfectly normal- sized, fabulously manicured, graceful and exquisitely used to outmaneuver any other world leader in the old handshake department.  The visceral grip exerted by those extraordinary hands brings even powerful men to their knees who immediately acquiesce to the brilliance of your strategic thinking.  And these Adonis-like hands are perfectly complimented by the more than respectable bulge which emanates from finely tailored zipper region of the Presidential trousers –  which are made of the finest wool selected by expert tailors who were rightfully stiffed by you when asked for payment.  Those ingrate haberdashers should have been thankful for the opportunity to give their finest garments to one so divinely proportioned to display them for the world to see and admire.  Given the powerful presence of your manhood, it is no wonder that your children are such paragons of perfection.  The Donald Jr. and Eric –  who have so tirelessly worked to eliminate carbon-emitting large game animals who were destroying the planet and who have glorified your genius by their dutiful incompetence in business and charity.  Not to mention the lovely and elegant Ivanka.  And I think I speak for everyone present including Elaine Chao, Betsy DeVos and you most worshipful leader – when I say what a privilege and honor it would be to shtup her.  Not that any of us are worthy – except you – oh glorious and possibly incestual master of your domain.  And Tiffany – well oh great one, even your mistakes are magnificent.  But let us move on from such outward appearances.  The words, the words –  the words of the master.  Never a false statement, untruth or teensy white lie has ever emanated from the glorious lips of our revered commander. The truth and Donald Trump are one and indivisible.  Years from now, your sayings and wisdom will adorn the front, sides and back of our grandest public buildings.  Entire departments of our finest institutes of higher education will be devoted to Trump Studies and only the top students from around the globe (Muslim countries excepted of course) will be admitted to bask in the glow of your eternal brilliance.  Academicians holding endowed chairs (funded by admirable authoritarians) will insure that the flag of Trump will never be lowered or surrendered.  This will lead to a world-wide acceptance of the new religion of Trumpism.  And as in the days of Ancient Rome, Congress will inevitably realize that you – like Augustus Caesar – must be deified.   Magnificent temples will be built and sacrifices (primarily Democrats and illegal aliens) will be made to honor and appease you.  A thousand year reign of peace and prosperity (for the worthy 1% anyway) will come to pass in the wake of your glorious administration.  Which, by the way, shall continue well past 8 years when you are repeatedly re-elected by popular acclaim dispensing with the tired and antiquated notions of democracy which could only impede the glorious age –  the dawn of which we are privileged to witness.  And when the end times come and Jesus returns, you shall shove him aside like a Latvian president and personally preside over the final glory that must inevitably result from the divine plan which has made you our eternal leader.

Oh, and I almost forgot golf and the sweet swing and perfection surrounding your game.  Vardon, Jones, Hagen, Sarazen, Hogan,  Nelson,  Snead, Palmer, Player, Nicklaus, Trevino. Watson, Mickelson and Woods wish they had such a swing. It is such a privilege to watch the finest golfer to ever hold this office in action.  The professionals of the PGA are just damn lucky that you chose business and politics over what clearly would have been the greatest career in the history of golf.

Today in Texas History – June 8

From the Annals of the Hub – In 1969, Houston Intercontinental Airport opened.  HIA replaced Hobby Airport which continued to serve general aviation until the advent of Southwest Airlines which revitalized the subsidiary airport.   HIA had been envisioned since 1957, when the Civil Aeronautics Administration recommended a replacement for undersized and overcrowded Hobby Airport.  The project started in 1963 with plans for a massive $125 million facility about 10 miles north of downtown Houston.  The project was repeatedly delayed and its projected opening date was changed eight times.  The delays did not help improve the quality of the new airport and the overall incompetence of the design was quickly revealed.  Within 3 years, the it had become apparent that the terminals were inadequate for the amount of traffic, the runways were in disrepair, the terminal trams were pathetic and there was a shortage of parking space.  The problems resulted in the addition of a third terminal and other improvements.  The airport was later renamed for George Bush.

Red for one has always hated the place.  It is relatively convenient but very confusing, always too crowded, ugly and sprawling, and just a general pain in the ass for the traveler. It is great for getting your daily 10,000 steps in. Not to mention that it’s primary tenant is the lowly rated United Airlines.  If Red can fly out of Hobby that’s where he will be.

 

Message to Greg Abbott: If you don’t like Austin, why don’t you get the f#(k out

Our Poor Idiot Governor Greg Abbott has made Red long for the days of our previous PIG Rick Perry who seems to have disappeared in DC.  Abbott was recently spotted unleashing a tirade against the city where he has been sucking on the state teat for the last 20 some years while continuing to collect money from the massive personal injury settlement that he has spent the rest of his life ensuring that no one else would ever get.   Speaking to a Tea Party crowd in Bell County, Abbott disparaged the Capital City.

“As I was coming up here from Austin, Texas, tonight, I got to tell you, it’s great to be out of the People’s Republic of Austin. As you leave Austin and start heading north, you start feeling different Once you cross the Travis County line, it starts smelling different. And you know what that fragrance is? Freedom. It’s the smell of freedom that does not exist in Austin, Texas. That said, with your senators and legislators, I can tell you that today, Austin is more free than it was before the legislative session began because the state of Texas passed laws that overrode the liberal agenda of Austin, Texas, that is trying to send Texas down the pathway of California.”

First of all, OPIG Abbott is all about local control until it doesn’t fit within his grand scheme.  After all, this is the guy who wants to blow up the union as it has stood for more than 200 years, so that individual states have more control.  But if a city in his state doesn’t tow OPIG Abbott’s hard Tea Party line – well that’s just undemocratic and must be squashed.  What a complete and total hypocrite.

OPIG Abbott needs to clean up his own house before complaining about Austin.  The state he supposedly leads has the second highest percentage of uninsured children,  ranks number 4 for women living in poverty, number 44 for high school graduation rates, is dead last in percentage of people with at least a high school diploma (that explains a lot right there), dead last in spending on mental health (again explaining a lot), and near the bottom in people with retirement plans and financial net worth of households.  And that’s just a few things.  Texas ranks near the bottom in almost every category involving education, the environment, social welfare and standard of living.

So what can OPIG Abbott brag about?  Where does Texas rank No. 1 among the states? Here’s where.

Highest number of uninsured people

No. 1 emitter of carbon dioxide

No. 1 generator of hazardous waste

No. 1 in executions

No. 1 in percentage of voting age population that doesn’t vote (why bother in Tea Party Republic of Texas)

But you know what, OPIG Abbott is right –  the air is different when you leave Austin.  It’s often filled with the smell of ignorance, bigotry, poverty, pollution, intolerance and untimely death.  Not everywhere – but in way too many places.  So OPIG Abbott, how about this? Why don’t you work on  cleaning up the mess that you and your party have made of Texas over the last 25 years before you start talking trash about one of the most successful, prosperous, vibrant, fun and attractive communities in the entire country.  Red knows you would tackle those issues if you weren’t so busy worrying about who gets to pee where and attempting to upset the constitutional order that has served our country fairly well for about 225 years. So once you have legally cemented LGBT bigotry and have torn apart the basic contract of the union, you might consider getting to work on making things better for the people you supposedly represent.

And one last thing, if you don’t like breathing the air in Austin, please resign and go get a real job.  You won’t be missed.