Author Archives: Red from Texas

About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

The Con Man Campaign

As previously noted, Red gets a veritable butt load of emails every day from the Trump campaign. The messages must be geared to reach somewhere well below the lowest common denominator because on an objective level any thinking human being would find them utterly idiotic and deceitful. It is almost beyond belief that there are perhaps millions of Americans who fall for this con man BS. Here is today’s offering with commentary from Red as usual.

Friend (aka Sucker),

We have an EXCLUSIVE (meaning absolutely non-exclusive) offer just for YOU (and other suckers like you).

President Trump sent us a list of his TOP 100 supporters (which totally belies the first statement about an exclusive offer – but hey who pays that close of attention) who he wanted to do something special for, and your name was on that list (curious because Red has not sent Trump one red cent and sometimes responds to these missives with considerable vitriol).

For a short time (until about Nov. 1), when you make a contribution of $20, we’ll send you a set of our ICONIC (or MORONIC) Trump-Pence 2020 Yard Signs FOR FREE (Yes, that’s a “free” sign for only $20 what a deal).

This offer is only available to you for ONE HOUR (But wait, don’t answer. If you act now, we will throw in a special tape of Pres. Trump singing “Go Away Little Girl” during a wild midnight Karaoke session at Jeffrey’s Epstein’s private island), Friend (you utter f’ing moron). After that, you may never get another chance to receive a set of FREE yard signs (or you could probably check with your local Republican Party HQ and actually get one for free – it’s your choice) .

Quote for the Day

We are now in the midst of trying times when every one must be for or against his country, and show his colors too, by his very act.  Having been educated for such an emergency, at the expense of the Government, I feel that it has upon me superior claims, such claims as no ordinary motives of self-interest can surmount.  I do not wish to act hastily or unadvisedly in the matter, and, as there are more than enough to respond to the first call of the President, I have not yet offered myself.  I have promised and am giving all the assistance I can in organizing the Company whose services have been accepted from this place.  I have promised further to go with them to the state Capital and if I can be of service to the Governor in organizing his state troops, to do so.

Whatever may have been my political opinions before, I have but one sentiment now.  That is we have a Government, and laws and a flag and they must all be sustained.  There are but two parties now, Traitor & Patriots and I want hereafter to be ranked with the latter and, I trust, the stronger party.

U.S. Grant writing to his father in April 1861.

Red’s dearest hope is that come November there will be no need for anyone to heed the advice of Grant and stand with the patriots. If Trump loses and refuses to leave office those who support him are traitors and no matter who stands with Trump – friend, family or colleague – Red will never speak to them again. This is a line that cannot be crossed. If that day comes, Red knows he stands with Grant – one of the greatest Americans.

Trump Begs – Red Translates

Red shares with you the latest from the daily onslaught of Trump campaign emails – with his usual translation for your EXCLUSIVE benefit. READ this today. DON’T WAIT. Act now and Red will match your reading pleasure. Let Red know that you stand with him. Okay, here goes:

“When children are [not in school] (you’ve got to wonder what the brilliant FOTUS actually said here – When children are not being taken hostage? – not being assaulted by school police?), they are missing more than just time in the classroom… (Absolutely correct – the US has gone almost 4 months without a school shooting – they are clearly missing the opportunity to dodge bullets) ”
– Melania Trump, First Lady of the United States

Friend,

Our First Lady is right (apparently really far right).

If schools around our Nation choose not to reopen soon (who knew we had so many sentient schools?), our children will miss so much more than just an education (see above) . The Invisible Enemy (okay people complained about my racist term for the virus so now I have a really clever new one – but the real invisible enemy would be my tax returns – good luck at ever seeing those) has already taken so much from our Country (I’ve obviously got to avoid talking about more than 100K that could have been prevented if I wasn’t such an imbecile – because it is so clear that I don’t give a shit about people and their silly little problems like unnecessary deaths. But what I really mean is that it has taken away my best shot at re-election) and we cannot allow it to take away our kids’ childhood too (soon they will be too old for even good ol’ Jeffrey Epstein).

As your President, I will not stand for that (I stand for the greater glorification of all things Donald J. Trump) America needs to get back on track (or my re-election is doomed).

It’s important that EVERY American (I almost choked on that one) comes together at a time like this to send a united message that SCHOOLS MUST RE-OPEN IN THE FALL (Again, my re-election comes first – the lives of your children are a such a small price to pay for another four years of my glorious leadership). I’m calling on YOU to make a public statement and add your name to stand with your President and our First Lady.

The Radical Left (the cancel everything party (Note from Red – Trump is apparently catching on to Red’s use of parentheses)) will try and keep our schools closed FOREVER (Where do I come up with this stuff? First, we claim that the schools are educating our children to by homo-loving Marxists and then I claim that Marxist homo-lovers want to keep the schools closed FOREVER – fortunately no one seems to pay attention to my BS). We need 1 MILLION signatures to show them where Real Americans (Democratic leftist pinkos need not apply) stand.

Thank you,

Donald J. Trump

Benedict Donald Wants Your Money

As Red has mentioned, the Greatest Con Man Who Has Ever Walked the Face of the Earth (aka Pres. Trump) somehow got Red’s email and now regularly – and by that Red means at least 5-6 times a day – sends an email begging for money. The typical email is filled to the brim with typical con man hype and Red finds it hard to believe that there is anyone who would fall for such utter bullshit. But then again, Trump – who clearly appears to be a traitor to our country – is still polling in the high 30’s, so as usual Red is behind the times. Here’s one of the latest most “con manny” emails with Red’s usual translation.

Friend (and by that I mean “mark”),

What I’m about to tell you is NOT public knowledge (except to the 5 million other marks who got this same email).

I am hosting a very important event soon (if I find time between rounds – maybe at the turn I can squeeze in 10 minutes) and I’ve requested that YOU (yes You) be my VIP guest. You’ve always been one of our TOP supporters, (despite having never given me a dime) so I’ve decided to do something extra special (Ivanka show the man what’s behind Curtain No. 1)…
 

I’ve unlocked an exclusive DOUBLE-ENTRY (see it’s like a game show) for YOU and YOU ONLY (and the 5 million)!
All you have to do is contribute ANY AMOUNT (but it had better be a lot) or more (a lot more) and you’ll automatically be entered TWICE to win a trip (yep, game show) to meet your favorite President (Lincoln’s dead so I’ll have to do) at my upcoming event (no mask required).

This offer is ONLY for you, Friend, so please DO NOT share this. (and if you are stupid enough to fall for this you probably won’t).

TRUMP PENCE MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN


Double-Entry: Unlocked. Meet President Trump. Contribute Now.

Remember, if you win (in addition to some lovely parting gifts),

  • We’ll cover your flight (a $500 value)
  • We’ll cover your stay at a very nice hotel (Trump Ramada Inn)
  • You’ll get VIP ACCESS (Virtually Ignored by President)
  • You’ll get to bring a guest of your choice (as long as she is young and hot)
  • And, you’ll even get to take a photo with me so we can remember it forever. (for a small additional charge).

This offer expires at 11:59 PM TONIGHT, Friend, so don’t wait until it’s too late.

Prosperity Gospel Promoter Not So Prosperous Anymore

Red has long railed against the “Beggar Christians” that populate some religious TV networks with Pat Robertson’s CBN being the worst offender.  There are radio beggars out there too. Red fondly remembers listening to “Brother Al – that’s A L”) as a boy and being amused by his schtick.  At least the beggars are somewhat honest in that they plead for your money so they can stay on the air and continue to spread their version of the gospel which generally holds that if you are a true believer God will reward you with riches and prosperity in this lifetime.  Red is unaware of the Biblical underpinnings of that claim.

But William Neil “Doc” Gallagher, was not technically a “radio preacher” – he just used them to promote his Christian financial wizardry.  Gallagher advertised and promoted his money management firm Gallagher Financial Group, Inc. on Christian radio.  Gallagher, the author of “Jesus Christ, Money Master” (and yes, you read that correctly) received high praise from some far-right preachers as Robert Jeffress, the senior pastor of First Baptist Dallas,  and regular Fox News contributor called the book “required reading for anyone who is looking for a highly practical and thoroughly biblical guide to financial success.”

Red wonders how Jeffress feels now as Gallagher has been found liable for U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission charges related to a $29 million Ponzi scheme that targeted the elderly.   Gallagher, who referred to himself as “The Money Doctor,” promoted his retirement-planning services on a weekly radio show that combined his bullshit investment advise with Christian talking points.  According to the SEC, “Gallagher makes frequent religious references on his shows, seeking to appeal to a Christian audience.”  When broadcasting on Saturday he signed off with, “See you in church tomorrow.”

GFG claimed to pay equal attention to the spiritual life of their clients and their finances.   As the now removed website stated:

“Our mission is to be a vehicle of God’s peace and comfort to as many people as possible, helping first with their financial peace of mind, then also with their spiritual, emotional, and family well-being.”

But in 2019, it became clear that Gallagher was running a Ponzi scheme using new money to pay off older investors and using his investors’ money to buy additional airtime to recruit new suckers and support his lifestyle.

In addition to his SEC troubles, Gallagher has already pleaded guilty to multiple felony counts in Texas state court and been sentenced to 25 years and required to pay over $10 million in restitution.   He should have run for office as a Republican.  He certainly has the qualifications.

Big John, Big Bad John Looking Vulnerable

Sen. John Cornyn (TP-Texas) is not the most likeable guy under normal circumstances.  He has largely benefited from have the “R” next to his name on the ballot and being tall, distinguished looking and silver-haired.  Red is hard pressed to point to any real accomplishments of the senior senator that have actually helped any average Texans.  All of this seems to be catching up with Big John as the nation spirals into recession and pandemic and he steadfastly stands by the primary agent of doom (that would be Trump for those of you not paying attention).   Current polling has him underwater on job approval.   The poll from the University of Texas/Texas Politics Project poll shows Big John as being vulnerable less than four months out from election day.  His less than stellar approval rating and the Trump effect could pull him down.  In short, there is a chance – maybe a small one – that Cornyn will be the former senator from Texas come January.  That would be a glorious day.

State Fair of Texas Cancelled

Giant 'Big Tex' statue burns down after 60 years as State Fair ...

There are few things Red likes more than the State Fair of Texas held every October in Dallas.  Where else can you see the Governor, the Marine Drum and Bugle Corps, a full line-up of the latest automobile models, Tennessee Walking horses, pig races, steers, hogs, chickens, lambs, ducks, rabbits and llamas competing, Chinese Acrobats, Brenda Lee backed up by the Air Force Band, the Bearded Lady, the Human Pincushion, a sword swallower, a major college football game, old football players, a giant Ferris wheel, an assortment of thrill rides, art works, butter sculpture and other attractions while chowing down on corn dogs, fried snickers, giant burritos, funnel cake and just about fried everything else edible – all in one day?  Not to mention Red’s particular favorite – SkeeBall.  And yes, Red has seen and eaten all of that in just one day at the SFOT.

But not this year.  “With a heavy heart” the SFOT has announced that it will not open for the 2020 season.  “We believe the spirit of the Lone Star State lies in every Texan’s ability to care and look out for their neighbor and it is with this in mind, we have decided to keep our guests, staff, and partners safe and healthy during these uncertain times.”

Now Red is really pissed at the morons who have let this pandemic spiral out of control with their wishful thinking, refusal to acknowledge science and reality, and inability to shift course.  Yes, Trump and Abbott – Red is talking about you.

Mike Pence is a Groveling Bootlick

Mike Pence has the utter nerve to stand up at Today’s briefing to talk about personal responsibility for curbing the spread of COVID 19 and refuse to take the simple proven measure of wearing a mask because he might offend our Reality TV Show Joke of a President. What a complete disgrace this “man” is. Unlike our imbecilic President, Pence probably knows better. Trump’s narcissism and sociopathic tendencies apparently prevent him from processing information that even remotely challenges his worldview or threatens his grasp on power.  Pence has no such excuse and is thus even worse than Trump.

This Didn’t Age Well

Red is on the Trump campaign’s email list.  From time to time, Red likes to share some of the joy coming from the Reality TV Show Joke of a President’s campaign begging – along with commentary of course.  Red got this one on Saturday.

I’m about to go on stage (because I’m playing the role of POTUS – the part of a lifetime)  in Tulsa, Oklahoma to hold my very first Trump MAGA Rally in three months (deprived of oxygen I am).

I know the Fake News media (now including Fox News) won’t ever tell you the FACTS (it must be true if I put it in ALL CAPS) about what’s REALLY (REALLY) going on in our Nation (total shit storm) or about all of my administration’s hard work (that’s 11 am to 3 pm at least 4 days a week) to Keep America Safe, (Hey, if we can’t be great at least let’s be safe) which is why tonight is so important (uh oh!).
But, before I get on that stage for what will be our most EPIC rally ever (it was epic all right), I need to know that you’re still in this fight with me (killing an Antifa member would prove it).

I’ve asked my team to hand me an updated list of donors (what a bunch of suckers) who choose to step up at this critical time (one foot in a prison cell and the other on a banana peel), and I’ll be disappointed (more disappointed than I am in Eric) if I don’t see your name on there (does anyone really believe this BS?).

I’m going to review the Presidential Donor List right before the rally starts (I’ll be sitting on the can for my traditional pre-show shit), and I want to see that Red from Texas gave to show your dedicated support (and if not fuck you and the horse you rode in on).