Author Archives: Red from Texas

About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Team Trump Writes – Red Translates

The latest from “Team Trump” – whatever that is – smacks of desperation. As always, Red is there for you to read between the lines.

Friend (or Rube, Mark, Pigeon, Moron – You choose),

Our justice system has utterly COLLAPSED (because I don’t have a lap dog Attorney General anymore).
If the leaked reports are believed to be true, then at any moment, Soros’ bought-and-paid-for prosecutor (there’s no evidence of that but the rule is invoke Soros’ name whenever possible) may very well INDICT President Trump for having committed NO CRIME at all (other than the obvious ones)!
Not just our movement (bowels are blocked from too many Big Macs), but our entire country is counting on YOU in what is surely the darkest chapter of our nation’s history (the Civil War was just a blip).
Now more than ever before, we need to PROVE just how many patriots are willing to peacefully (just like on January 6th) defend (or die if necessary) our movement and SAVE our Republic (meaning my skin).
President Trump (you know I wrote this) made himself loud and clear: He will NEVER SURRENDER our great country to the raging left-wing mob (only the raging right-wing mob need apply).
Are YOU with him, Friend (meaning open your wallet- otherwise take a hike)?
Please make a contribution of just $1 today (if you are a freaking cheapskate) to cement your place in history as a FOUNDING DEFENDER (a/k/a someone dumb enough to give me money) of our movement during these dark times (really dark for me).

Thank you,
Team Trump

Trump Begs, Red Translates

Friend (or Rube, Sucker, Mark, Pigeon – you choose)

While I’m on the campaign trail (mostly in the Breakfast Room at M-a-L) I keep hearing voters (the morons who voted for me anyway) say…    “Nothing matters until we have valid elections.” (That is when I tell them to say that). Friend (try a different moniker here – it will make you feel important) – I hear you loud and clear.   That’s why our campaign has launched an initiative to beat the Democrats at their own game of ballot harvesting (also known as winning votes) in the states where it’s still legal (or illegal if need be).   We are now about 48 hours away from the FIRST fundraising deadline with the Federal Election Commission (scum to a man) since we launched our Ballot Harvesting Fund (also known as my Legal Defense Fund).  
  We all saw what happened to Kari Lake in Arizona (lost bigly).   On Election Day, Kari had lines so long they were unbelievable (mostly lines of sorrow in her made-for-TV face) – but people couldn’t vote because a big percentage of the machines in Republican areas were broken (don’t bother looking for the real facts here, just take my word for it)…    Meanwhile, her left-wing opponent (who shall remain nameless) had already “harvested” (won) so many ballots leading up to that point, that she walked away with the election (like one of those shoplifters I see in the videos).   If we want to be competitive with the Democrats (Commies) we have to fight fire with fire (creating a fire so big that it burns down what is left of our democratic traditions, but that’s a price I’m willing to pay if it gets me elected) .   We need to have the infrastructure (goons) in place to start ballot harvesting as soon as early voting begins, and in EVERY state where it’s allowed (which if true you might ask, why am I begging for money?).   We cannot risk having machines malfunction on Election Day (also known as recording votes for my opponent).   43 states have allowed some degree of ballot harvesting (which up until now I have denounced as criminal but you know – if you can’t beat ’em, cheat ’em).   That’s why I’m planning this initiative so far out from the 2024 election. There is NO time to wait (Waiter, waiter where is Egg McMuffin?).   But I need YOU to help lay the groundwork for victory (or failing that line my pockets some more)  
Thank you,
Donald J. Trump
45th President of the United States (and Soon to be Defendant)

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Red’s 2022 Super Bowl Pick

What started back in the pre-season heat of August is finally coming to a close as we approach Valentine’s Day. Some day the Super Bowl might not be played until after Spring Training starts. But first a bit of a recap.

Here were Red’s preseason picks:

AFC Division Champs – Chiefs, Bills, Ravens, Colts

AFC Wildcards – Chargers, Raiders, Bengals

NFC Division Champs – Eagles, Rams, Packers, Buccaneers

NFC Wildcards – Panthers, Lions, 49ers

AFC Champions – Bills over Chiefs

NFC Champions – Eagles over Rams

Superb Owl Champions – Bills defeat Eagles

In retrospect, Red did not do too well. He only had 8 of the 14 playoff teams and is scratching his head about picking the Panthers, Colts and Raiders to make the playoffs. On the other hand, no one probably predicted the Rams being a doormat or the Packers collapse and the Lions were only a win away from fulfilling Red’s 2022 NFL Team of Destiny prediction. On to the big game.

Chiefs over Eagles –

Like most of the U.S. and a good part of the globe, Red always hopes for a good game. The Chiefs certainly failed on that front in their last SB outing by getting utterly trounced by the Buccaneers. But the Eagles turned in a fine performance in defeating the Patriots 41-33 in a back and forth game and overcoming a 505 yard passing performance from the supposedly retired Tom Brady (not to mention career highlight games from LeGarrett Blount and Danny Amendola). That was also the last time the two No. 1 seeds met in the championship. This one has all the makings of a high-scoring back and forth game, but in reality the games with No. 1 seeds (SB 11 was the first under the current seeding system) matching up have been rather disappointing. The best have been the Niners and Bengals in No. 16 and the Patriots and Seahawks in No. 49. All too often these highly anticipated games between the powerhouse teams have been complete snoozefests with millions of Americans turning to Masterpiece Theatre reruns. Red would prefer to watch All Creatures Great and Small at a later date.

As for the game itself, Red gives the Chiefs offense a slight edge over the Eagles. Expect Andy surprise everyone by pulling some weasels (rabbits be damned) out of the red baseball cap. If we don’t see at least three fairly complex trick plays in addition to the usual imaginative offensive scheme, Red will be sorely disappointed. The injury limitations for P. Mahomes really should call for some offensive wizardry. Mahomes seems more and more comfortable with MVS as an alternative to Kelce and McKinnon is a reliable safety valve and more. Pacheco needs to approach 90 rushing yards to keep the Eagles honest. The offensive line is a top 5 unit and as always if Mahomes gets over the love affair with his arm and doesn’t try to force balls into double and triple coverage, the Chiefs should be good for 30+ points. The Chiefs were an impressive 6-2 against playoff teams this season with losses only to the Bills and Bengals (since avenged). They are ready.

The Eagles are no slouches when it comes to scoring either. The Eagles beat every playoff team they faced this season with the exception of a 40-34 loss to the Cowboys when J. Hurts was out for a 5-1 record in quality games. The Eagles have the best wide receiver tandem in Brown and Smith and an unexpectedly good running game even subtracting Mr. Hurts’ yardage. Good balance and solid play calling have had them among the scoring leaders all season. The Eagles failed to top 20 points only twice all season and they won one of those games anyway.

Defenses for both teams are also close. The Eagles brutalized the Niners in the NFC Championship game so expect them to come hard at Mahomes. The Chiefs defense was on top of its game against the Bengal picking off two Burrow passes and sacking him 5 times. The better defense in the 4th quarter may be the key to winning on Sunday.

The bottom line is hazy here. The Chiefs had the best offense in the league based on just about any available measure. The Eagles probably would have been No. 2 but for the injury to Hurts. Both offenses are better than both defenses. The Eagles have the best pass rushing defense, but the Chiefs have the No. 1 pass-blocking line by some measures. As usual, this one probably comes down to turnovers, stupid penalties (ask the Bengals about that) and a couple of lucky or unlucky bounces of the ball. There is very little daylight between these two teams.

The only bet Red might consider would be taking the over at 50. Both of these teams play fast and if it is close no one is going to be sitting on the ball.

Kansas City 32 Philadelphia 30.

Quote for the Day

“Well, what I would do is, we would, we have tremendous military capability and what we can do without planes, to be honest with you, without 44 year-old jets, what we can do is enormous, and we should be doing it and we should be helping them to survive and they’re doing an amazing job.”

Donald J. Trump – when asked by Fox News on what he would do differently than Pres. Biden on Ukraine.

This makes about as much sense as any of his other incoherent, fact free and stream of consciousness rambling.

Red’s 2022 NFL Conference Championship Picks

For the Divisional Round, Red was 3-1 only missing out on the utter collapse of the Buffalo Bills. That loss was especially hurtful because Red had picked the Bills to win it all this season. His second choice in the AFC was Kansas City which is still alive despite a less than inspiring performance against a game Jacksonville team. Red was particularly happy that the “Red Rule” was back in place. If not familiar, that Rule simply reads “Score 13 points and beat the Cowboys.” It was violated repeatedly this season as the Cowboys cranked out points, but it was back in play when it was really needed. On to the penultimate week of the season.

Chiefs over Bengals – A lot of this prediction depends on the state of the right ankle of one Mr. P. Mahomes. Question for the day: Is a high ankle sprain better or worse than a low ankle sprain? Question for tomorrow: When the Bengals go after Mr. P. Mahomes lower legs, will the redoubtable Chad Henne be able to step up again? Before answering, Red must give all imaginable props to Henne for coming in as cold as any quarterback since say, hmm Brock Purdy, and leading the Chiefs on the game-defining 98 yard drive that really set the tone for the Chiefs. Answers: Yes and yes. Then there is Travis Kelce who continues to break his own records (14 catches in a playoff game) and a defense which never let T. Lawrence get comfortable and played good enough to win. And of course there is Mr. Mahomes himself – who is a better quarterback on one leg than any quarterback in the history of at least one franchise (Yes, Texans Red is talking about you). Of course, the Bengals have a very different story line than the Cinderella tale played out by the Jags over the last half of the season. The Bengals started slow and so far have finished like a steamroller. Ask the Bills who were never really in the game on Sunday. The Bills missing Von Miller and their No. 1 run stopper allowed the Bengals relatively pathetic running game to resemble something akin to the reincarnation of Larry Csonka and Mercury Morris. And with Mahomes hobbled, there seems to be no question that Joe Burrow is the top quarterback in the AFC this week, (while somewhere Josh Allen is still wondering what hit him). Red does not count the Bengals out in any way. They have been the best team in the AFC since about Week 6 and have everything needed to win this game. But the Chiefs have home field and are playing in the AFC Championship for the 5th straight year. Add to that, the fact that Mahomes has never beaten Burrow and you have the makings of a very close win. Hold on to your war bonnets. Kansas City 34 Cincinnati 30.

Eagles over 49ers – The Eagles choked the Giants to death on their dust on Saturday. No one can really be too surprised by that outcome. They got ahead early and then literally ran the Giants into the ground with 268 yards rushing on 44 attempts. For once J. Hurts did not have to carry the load which was handled nicely by Gainwell and Sanders. The Eagles defense played extremely well with the lead. It is easy to get the lead when your opponent’s first six possessions are Downs, Interception, Punt, Punt, Punt, Punt. S. Barkley was a non-factor once the Eagles were up by 21. So this game really did not tell us too much about the Eagles except that they can readily dispatch inferior competition. On the other side, the Cowboys were not supposed to be inferior competition according to the pundits. Turns out the pundits were wrong. This is a team that continues to underachieve in the big moments and Sunday night was no exception. The Niners were methodical and frankly rather unimpressive on offense. The Niners defense is the real reason that they are playing for the NFC crown. They have been the best defensive unit this season. And when you make whopping errors like Dak P. did – well, turn out the lights. Losing Tony Pollard definitely hurt the Cowboys, but still 76 yards on the ground is not going to cut it. All that said, the Niners should have their hands full with Mr. Hurts and company. The Brock Purdy story has been rather incredible, but all incredible stories eventually seem to realize that they are in fact incredible. The Eagles were the best team in the NFC despite their late season stumbles. The Niners were the second best team. These are the matchups fans want to see (except in large parts of North Texas). This is likely to be a low scoring game decided by whoever wins the 4th quarter. In other words, a complete toss up. Philadelphia 19 San Francisco 17.

Red’s 2022 NFL Divisional Round Playoff Picks

Last week Red chose the 49ers, Chargers, Bills, Vikings, Bengals and Bucs to win. And for his effort Red was 3-3. The Vikings and Chargers had legitimate shots at winning. The Bucs had a legitimate shot at complete embarrassment and pretty much took it. Despite his rather mediocre showing from “Super Wild Card Weekend” Red trudges on. Again, let’s take them in order.

Chiefs over Jaguars – Trevor Lawrence and the Jags pulled out a minor miracle last week by turning the ball over 5 times, falling behind 27-0 and still managing to win largely because of a gutsy decision to go for 2 points when a simple try would have closed the gap to 3 points. That allowed a last minute field goal to seal the victory of the “licking their wounds on the way back to California” Chargers. Never let it be said that the Chargers will not disappoint you given half the chance. Meanwhile the Chiefs have not really disappointed their supporters in the playoffs since getting butt-whipped by the Buccaneers in SB (insert Roman Numeral here) in 2020 playoffs. Sure the Chiefs lost to the Bengals in a barnburner of an AFC Championship game last year to a team that had not won a playoff game in the previous 30+ seasons, but it was a close game. And the whipping that the Bucs put on the Chiefs was largely because the Chiefs were decimated in the offensive line and Patrick Mahomes was running for his life on practically every play. The Jags have an average defense at best and second-rate secondary. That does not inspire abject fear or bode well for the fearsome Chiefs passing attack. The Chiefs pass to set up the run and always seem to manage to have a running back ready to pounce. At the beginning of the season, it was thought to be Clyde E-H, but the Chiefs quickly turned to I. Pacheco who has looked great since taking over in Week 6. And many forget about Jerrod McKinnon who has 56 receptions and 9 receiving touchdowns. Mahomes spreads the wealth around as 11 players have receiving TDs this season with only All-Pro TE T. Kelce in double digits with 12. Simply put, you don’t know who is going to beat you on any given Sunday (but its more likely to be Kelce). If Mahomes overcomes his love affair with his arm and doesn’t make stupid plays, the Chiefs are damn near unbeatable. It’s been a magic year for the Jags, but the smoke machines sometimes fail and the mirrors always need polishing. Kansas City 31 Jacksonville 17.

49ers over Cowboys – The Cowboys must be on a high after finally beating Tom Brady and winning a road playoff game for the first time in 30 years. And while Red puts no real stock in such matters, the Cowboys playoff record in San Francisco is spotty at best. Coincidentally, the Cowboys last road playoff win before Monday night was against the 49ers in 1992. Expect the 49ers to rely heavily on their excellent rushing attack against a Cowboys defense that is mediocre at best in stopping the run. That sets up likely offensive Rookie of the Year Brock Purdy for the short passing game that will negate the Cowboys fearsome pass rush. If the 49ers can hold the Cowboys defense to 2-3 sacks and limit the hurries and knock-downs, the Cowboys will be in trouble. On the other side, the vaunted Cowboys rushing attack has been a bit suspect despite cranking out 128 yards (aided by garbage time) against the Bucs. Can the Cowboys play another near perfect game (except for the kicking disaster) with no turnovers, only 1 sack and Dak with 4 passing TDS and a 143.7 QB rating? Who knows, but they certainly could win with those kind of stats. Face it, the Bucs were probably the crappiest team of the 14 in the playoffs even with TB at the helm. The Niners are probably number 4 or 5 and playing on par with the Eagles in the NFC. They have two days extra rest and a decided home field advantage. The Cowboys are playing on a short schedule and have to be wondering what time zone they are in. As noted before, Red is perfectly okay with the Cowboys winning one playoff game every decade. They did that last week. San Francisco 24 Dallas 20.

Bills over Bengals – This is clearly the hardest call of the Divisional round games. The Bengals have been playing as well as any team over the last half of the season despite having some trouble with the Ravens last week. But for Tyler Hundley’s goal line foolishness, the Bengals could be sitting at home this weekend. The Bengals have everything it takes to reach the Superb Owl. Meanwhile the Bills have been less than impressive over the last half of the season living on a diet of one score wins. And they were certainly less than fearsome in having the Dolphins (led by a 3rd string quarterback) take them down to the wire. All those who had heard of Skylar Thompson before the beginning of the season, please raise their hand. Red thought so. Josh Allen needs to step up on Sunday. He has been a turnover machine the last half of the season and seems to be suffering from Patrick Mahomes Disease (main symptom is love affair with arm) or alternatively, holding on the ball too long and refusing to just throw it away (sacked 7 times by a less than awesome Dolphins defense). This one probably comes down to turnovers and special teams play – the most unpredictable of factors. As for the other bizarre factors – including the expected appearance of Damar Hamlin and the Bengals enormous shoulder chip about the cancelled game and the decision to not play this one at a neutral site, your guess is as good as anyone’s. And unfortunately, while it may snow on Sunday it will likely be too warm for a true blizzard game. Buffalo 28 Cincinnati 27.

Eagles over Giants – The Eagles should beat the Giants. Almost every other team in the playoffs (except for the Bucs and Vikings obviously) should beat the Giants. But D. Jones and S. Barkley are probably the most unique running combination in the playoffs right now and the Giants are on the rise. Predicting an Eagles victory is assuming that the Eagles will try to keep Jalen Hurts primarily behind the line of scrimmage or only running for the sidelines when absolutely necessary. Realistically, all indications are that the Giants are peaking and the Eagles are on the decline. And there is the third matchup jinx. It’s hard to beat any team three times in one season – mostly because if you made the playoffs despite losing twice to a division rival it’s fairly likely that you don’t completely suck. Red thinks this one comes down to the best one/two receiving combo left in the playoffs in Brown and Smith (not to mention a more than capable TE in Goedert). If Miles Sanders still has some gas in the tank and can have a decent day on the ground, it will be hard for the Giants to contain the two big WRs. But this one pretty much comes down to the shoulder of Mr. Hurts. It’s playoff time, the choices should be difficult. Philadelphia 23 New York 21.

Some Final Thoughts on “Super” Wildcard Week

Red is sticking with the Bills winning it all.  The Bills, Chiefs and Eagles are the only teams Red views as being able to beat all comers (except of course when matched against one another).   Every other team can lose depending on the breaks.

Red includes the Niners in the un-invincible group based on the rather poor track record of QBs in their first playoff game and the even worse record of rookie QBs in their first playoff game.  According to J. Breech (my new favorite NFL analyst):  “Since 2002, quarterbacks making their first career playoff start in the wild-card round are 12-35 straight-up, including 1-4 last year and that one win only happened because two first-time playoff starters were facing each other (Joe Burrow vs. Derek Carr).”  But Red you say, “Isn’t Geno Smith also making his playoff debut?”  A rather large turd plops into Red’s morning latte.   We shall see which playoff newbie pulls through on the west coast.  

Jaguars/Chargers and Vikings/Giants are likely the most entertaining games from a disinterested fan viewpoint.   Chargers cannot stop the run and Jags cannot stop the pass.  At 47, I would take the over and run.  Meanwhile, the Vikings and Giants both have negative point differentials and earn the highest O/U of the week at 48.   Red likes a parley here.  Bet the over on the first game and then all or nothing on the over on Sunday. 

Red also thinks that it is just possible that the Bucs run the Cowboys out of the building with the ghost of Dandy Don singing “Turn out the Lights” in the middle of the 4th quarter.  But if not look for the Cowboy’s usual last second loss scenario to play out.  As the old joke goes, this one is like watching your ex-wife drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac.  On second thought, Red isn’t sure that analogy makes any sense at all.  Maybe the Iran-Iraq war will have to do.

Finally, Red was so excited about the Bills/Dolphins game that he booked an 11:45 tee time on Sunday.  His over/under right now is about 87 –if playing from the old man tees.  Probably taking the over on Sunday. 

Red’s 2022 NFL WildCard Weekend Picks

Red hasn’t picked games all season long, so he is a bit Rusty. Maybe next year he will go back to the old weekly six-pack of games. He misses picking the Shit Bowl every week. But for now, the only thing left to do is pick the playoff games as they come. Let’s go in order.

Niners over Seahawks – Believe Red that nothing would make him happier (short of winning the lottery) than to see Geno Smith win a playoff game even if it means making Pete the Cheat happy. Unfortunately, he just doesn’t see it. The Niners completely shut down the Seahawks offense in two meeting this season. This will be closer but not that close. San Francisco 27 Seattle 19.

Chargers over Jaguars – The Chargers must overcome the triple forward time zone hex on Saturday. Jaguars beat two playoff teams (Cowboys and Ravens) but lost to the Colts, Texans and Broncos. Plus they played in the sad sack AFC South. Meanwhile, the Chargers only beat one playoff team – the Dolphins and lost to the Broncos in the season finale. At least a playoff game won’t be a comedown. This one is really a toss-up. Los Angeles 24 Jacksonville 23.

Bills over Dolphins – Does Red really need to say much about this one? Actually it is easy to forget that these two teams split their games this season and both were decided by 3 points. It’s a different story come January – especially since both Tua and Teddy are banged up. Third-string quarterbacks usually don’t win playoff games. Buffalo 34 Miami 17

Vikings over Giants – The Vikings are pretenders. Fortunately for them the Giants are almost as bad. These teams did play a real barn burner in week 16 decided on a 61 yard field goal. This could be the most entertaining game of the weekend. Minnesota 35 New York 33.

Bengals over Ravens – Bengals have had a chip on their shoulder all season long. Don’t expect the Ravens to knock it off Sunday night. This is another intra-division match up where the teams split during the regular season. The Ravens desperately need Lamar Jackson to have a chance here. He will likely be rusty after having been laid up for six weeks. Without him, the Ravens are toast. Cincinnati 19 Baltimore 13.

Buccaneers over Cowboys – The Cowboys have never beaten Tom Brady – not once – which seems pretty remarkable. In fact, they got stomped by the Bucs in Week 1 scoring an anemic 3 points. And then the Pokes closed out their season with an almost as anemic 6 points in getting dominated by the Commandos. Bottom line: if there is one team in the playoff that the Bucs can beat – it is the Cowboys. Tampa Bay 27 Dallas 10.

Red’s Weekly 2002 NFL Roundup – Week 18

It was a fairly interesting ending to a reasonably interesting regular season. There were a few playoff spots up for grabs, a couple of “win and in” games and a few surprises. Here is Red’s final ranking before the real fun begins.

  1. Buffalo Bills – The Bills trounced old rival Patriots from the get go. Red cannot remember the last time there were 2 touchdowns on kick returns in one game.
  2. Philadelphia Eagles – It weren’t pretty but the Eagles took care of business, locked down the No. 1 seed and two weeks rest for Jalen “Hurts”. Expect the Eagles to be ready to face whomever is coming down the pike.
  3. San Francisco 49ers – The most improbable story of the season has an unknown third-string quarterback leading the late season charge after the team secures one of the best RBs available. Will Mr. Purdy be able to handle the playoff pressure?
  4. Kansas City Chiefs – The Chiefs looked better in stomping the Raiders. But it was the Raiders after all.
  5. Cincinnati Bengals – Still playing as well as any team right now. They can beat any team on any given Sunday.
  6. Los Angles Chargers – Are they just satisfied to have finally made the post-season.
  7. Seattle Seahawks – Don’t discount Pete Carrol in the playoffs. He has won games with worse teams than this. What a glorious season for Geno Smith – almost certainly the comeback player of the year.
  8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Tom Brady in the playoffs is always dangerous.
  9. Jacksonville Jaguars – All of London celebrates their team making the playoffs. Pubs will be crowded on Sunday.
  10. Dallas Cowboys – Looked inept in every phase of the game against a Commanders team with nothing to play for except hatred of the Cowboys – admittedly a powerful motivation. It’s a bad time for your rushing game to disappear.
  11. Baltimore Ravens – Unlikely to surprise anyone in the playoffs, but their defense could keep it close.
  12. Minnesota Vikings – The only playoff team with a negative point differential based on a few blowout losses.
  13. Miami Dolphins – Crawled over the finish line with 9-6 win over Jets.
  14. New York Giants – Some team has to be the worst team in the playoffs.
  15. Detroit Lions – It turns out that Red’s 2022 NFL Team of Destined was only destined to keep the Packers out of the playoffs. Watch out next season.
  16. Pittsburgh Stealers – Definitely headed in the right direction after disastrous start to season.
  17. New England Patriots – Bellicheat is back for season 24.
  18. Green Bay Packers – A pathetic end to an absurd season. Who wants the damaged goods that is A. Rodgers? Anyone, anyone, Bueller, anyone?
  19. Washington Commanders – With a real quarterback, they could be dangerous but only to themselves.
  20. New Orleans Saints – With a real quarterback, they could be average which would be a big improvement.
  21. Atlanta Falcons – With a real quarterback, they could be a football team or win the North American Cornhole Championship.
  22. Las Vegas Raiders – With a real quarterback, they will still suck – but to be fair they will suck anyway.
  23. Tennessee Titans – With a real quarterback, they will still be in Nashville and not talked about in the right circles.
  24. Cleveland Browns – Have a real quarterback (and problem child); still going nowhere.
  25. New York Jets – Novels could be written about the Jets 2022 season. Publishers are waiting with bated breath or possibly baited breath (minnows).
  26. Carolina Panthers – Does anyone really know what time it is? Does anyone really care? Just asking for a friend.
  27. Los Angeles Rams – It was fun while it lasted. Well not that much fun.
  28. Arizona Cardinals – Just got better with the firing of Kliff K.
  29. Denver Broncos – Did they play some games this season? Red forgets.
  30. Chicago Bears – Technically the worst team. Spiritually the best.
  31. Houston Texans – Blew the No. 1 pick, but worth it to beat the hated Colts in Indy.
  32. Indianapolis Colts – Pathetic in every phase of the game including the coin toss.