No. 16 Seed Drexel

Our Circular Saw Blade Exploded!

No. 1 Seed University of Illinois

Pick up a Vertical Support I-Beam Along with Your Degree

No. 13 Seed Colgate University

Here’s Your Flaming Cocktail and a Large Napkin – Better Leave a Big TIp.

No. 3 Seed – University of Arkansas

Not Every Hog Can Handle a Difficult Yoga Position

No. 10 Seed – Virginia Tech

Drop and Give Me 20 – But Make ’em Ladies Style

No 7. Seed Florida

Pickled Whole Alligator Head – Served on Colorful Platter

Red isn’t usually one to pile on. Oh, who is Red kidding he piles on like a bad linebacker. If there was any doubt that Cruz cared for nothing other than himself and the greater glorification of all things Ted Cruz, his utter stupidity in fleeing freezing Texas for Cancun exposed his venality and narcissism for all to see.

Red received the following from Sen. John Cornyn (TPC- Texas) in response to an email from Red urging the Senior Senator to vote to convict Trump. As usual, Red has to translate for the reader to get the true meaning of JC’s response.

Dear Red,

Thank you for contacting me regarding the impeachment of former President Donald J. Trump (that word “former” really stings). I appreciate having the benefit of your comments on this important matter (which I will completely ignore).

America has experienced hard-fought elections in the past, and our leaders have always found a way to come together and resolve our differences to address the issues facing our nation (until 2020 anyway). Our Founding Fathers wisely developed a system of checks and balances to prevent an accumulation of excessive power in any single branch of government (when in doubt play the Founding Fathers card). I am committed to exercising appropriate congressional oversight to prevent abuses of power whenever and wherever they emerge (as long as they involve Democrats).

We were all stunned and saddened by the tragic events that occurred at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021 (everyone but Trump and his supporters anyway). What we witnessed on that day was an attack on American democracy (this is the line I have to throw out to seem reasonable). I fully condemn the violence and lawlessness that occurred, and hope those perpetrators are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law (every perpetrator other than the glorious former President that is who needs to skate).

Since that day, I’ve spent time reflecting on our democracy (we need more gerrymandering), the rule of law (a flexible concept), and the importance of continuing to protect our cherished institutions (the GOP), including those that were under attack on that day. We all have a part in standing up for our democracy (mine is being a groveling bootlick for Trump), for respecting those with different views (I respect the center right, the right and batshit crazy right), and for coming together as Americans unified in the common cause of ensuring our democracy can continue to be the world’s envy for generations to come (not the laughing stock that we are now).

On January 13, 2021, the U.S. House of Representatives voted to impeach President Trump, and on January 25, 2021, the House impeachment managers delivered the article of impeachment (H.Res.24) to the Senate (I’ve got to throw this in because it’s the big excuse instead of pointing out that Moscow Mitch had the Senate in recess so that nothing could be delivered before that date). As a United States Senator, it is now incumbent on me to thoroughly review the evidence (give me 5 minutes) and consider the arguments submitted by both sides (or the utter bullshit spewed out by Trump’s defense team) in determining whether former President Trump should be convicted of the specific charges outlined in H.Res.24 (short answer – No – I want to be reelected).

Due its rushed nature, I have some concerns about the process and the lack of investigation done by the U.S. House of Representatives before voting on impeachment (despite all the evidence being out there in the open). Typically, the House conducts numerous hearings, reviews documents, and develops witness testimony before debating whether impeachment is an appropriate action. None of that appears to have been done in this instance (you can see where this is heading).

In addition, I have concerns about the precedent being set by impeaching a former President, and how it may lead to the impeachment power being wielded in the future as a political a weapon, opposed to a “grand inquisition” into whether a public official committed “high crimes and misdemeanors.” (unless of course they are Democrats then all bets are off). As I sit in judgment serving as a juror for the impeachment trial, I will be guided by my oath to do “impartial justice according to the Constitution and laws” (and if you believe that I have slightly used Capitol building to sell you).

Again, thank you for sharing your perspective on impeachment, and I hope you will continue to contact me regarding matters of importance to you (I like ignoring stuff). I appreciate having the opportunity to represent Texas in the United States Senate (as a proud member of the Trump Personality Cult).

Sincerely,

JOHN CORNYN

United States Senator

According to the Council for Community and Economic Research’s Cost of Living Index, the most affordable city in the entire U.S. is – drum roll please – Cedar Park, Texas. And for those of you not in the know, Cedar Park is a suburb on the northwestern side of Austin.

Red doesn’t pretend to necessarily understand the statistics, but here goes anyway. Cedar Park’s estimated income-to-expense ratio is 1.384. The cost-of-living in CP is estimated at $58,497. In turn, median household income is $80,954. That means that the average Cedar Parkian or Cedar Parker or Cedar Parkite (you choose) family earns about one and a third times the cost-of-living. In technical terms CP’s cost-of-living index is 92.8. Compare that to Manhattan which has an index of 248.6 which is tops in the land. It somehow escapes Red how people actually live in Manhattan but several million folks do just that.

Red remembers when Cedar Park was pretty much just a gas station on Hwy 183 – and not a very nice one at that. Now it has extensive parks, hike and bike trails, community gardens, a skate park, a sculpture garden, a large Austin Community College campus and about 75,000 souls living the good life on the edge of Austin. Oh, and still plenty of cedar.

Map of Cedar Park by Kevin Middleton

Red was awoken the other morning by Mrs. Red’s exclamation.

“TOM BRADY IS IN THE SUPERBOWL!”

You’ll have to forgive Mrs. Red as she doesn’t pay a whole lot of attention to goings on football-wise unless Red is actually decamped on the sofa watching some modern-day gladiation and Mrs. Red is wanting to get on Hulu to watch the latest episode of “This is Life” or “Zooey’s Extraordinary Playlist” on the old 52 incher. But even the most football adverse of news feeds eventually spills the worst kept secret in the land. Brady and the Buccaneers will be facing off against the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday afternoon in Tampa Bay and Mrs. Red was just a little bit late to the party.

But Red will say this for the old gal, she really hates her some Tom Brady. And she always puts out a good Super Sunday spread (nobody beats Mrs. Red when it comes to charcuterie) and settles in to watch the big game with Red and about a billion of his closest friends. Red checked in with some of his European compadres earlier this week and yes, many folks do hit the sack early on Sunday for a quick 4-5 hours before getting up between midnight and 2a.m. to join in on the festivities. Others just push on through.

As for the game itself, loyal readers will recall that Red picked the Chiefs over the Saints in his preseason predictions. Picking the Chiefs to repeat was not as risky a proposition as you might think. It’s been done 8 times – most recently by the Patriots in SB 38 and 39 and also by the 49ers, Cowboys, Stealers (twice), Dolphins and Packers in SB 1 and 2. So out of the 55 SBs so far 16 have been double downs. That’s a fair percentage.

Red has mixed emotions here. Surely, he should stand behind his preseason pick and take the Chiefs. In retrospect, the Chiefs were the best team all season even though the Stealers had a great run (only to finish the season staggering around looking for a place to fall). The Bucs defied Red’s expectations through much of the season and all of the playoffs. If Red picks the Bucs he can’t really lose. If correct, he will have picked the winner. If wrong, he will be happy.

But you can’t let emotions get in the way of sound football science. We have some empirical evidence here. The Chiefs visited Tampa Bay in Week 12 and the two quarterbacks put on a show. Patrick Mahomes and Brady combined to throw for 807 yards and six touchdowns. Tyreek Hill absolutely torched the Bucs’ secondary for 269 yards and 3 touchdowns. Mike Evans was no slouch either with 2 late touchdowns to make this one look closer than it was. The Chiefs strolled out with a 27-24 win.

Given the offensive firepower of these two teams (Nos. 1 and 2 in passing yards in 2020), it would seem unlikely that a tight defensive fight is going to break out on Sunday. Of course, that thinking is frequently wrong especially as it seems teams frequently play tight in the first half of the championship game.

The Chiefs have been unbeatable on the road this season. Yes, literally unbeatable going 8-0 away from home. The Bucs Each team’s star wide receiver had a multi-touchdown game, as Tampa Bay’s Mike Evans scored twice late after Kansas City’s Tyreek Hill racked up an unreal 269 receiving yards and three touchdowns on the way to a 27-24 Chiefs win. That loss pushed the Bucs to 7-5 and they would have been on the playoff bubble except for playing in an historically weak NFC.

The Bucs were a less than stellar 5-3 at home in the regular season and a remarkable 3-0 on the road in the playoffs beating the two best teams in the NFC (Packers and Saints) in the process.

Red predicts that the Bucs will jump out to a 14-0 lead mid-second quarter. And at that point, Andy Reid will have the Bucs right where he wants them. The Chiefs score on the next 5 possessions while only giving up a field goal and moving into the 4th quarter have a 31-17 lead. The aged wonder begins the comeback and its 31-27 when the Chiefs get the ball back with about 2:30 on the clock. Andy Reid will never give the ball back to Tom Brady and the Chiefs score a final touchdown with 20 seconds left in the game. Then Reid calls for an onside kick. The Chiefs recover and repeat with a 38-27 win.

You read it here. Red will have the season wrap-up in a week or two. Until then, keep the nachos coming.