I skipped the first 3 weeks of the season, but will try earnestly to make weekly picks for the remainder of the year. This year’s theme will be quotes from famous footballer’s past and present.

Quote of the Week:

“When it’s third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I’ll take the whiskey drinkers.”

I’ll always trust someone with that hairstyle.

Your Green Bay Packers Pick of the Week:

Packers over Bears.  I picked the Packers to make the playoffs and they are 1-2.  Of course, I picked the Bears to win the NFC North, so my hands are sort of tied here.  At this point in the season, this is an important match-up for both squads.  We have seen that the Bears have an offensive juggernaut that may just overwhelm a lot of teams this season.  They may end up with the best passing offense in the league with Cutler throwing to two brutally effective wide-outs and a running game that cannot be ignored.  Meanwhile, the Pack looks to be in disarray right now. All signs point to the Bears and even if they didn’t I should go with home field advantage when these two old rivals meet, but clearly that’s not my style.  This one has game of the week written all over it.  Green Bay 35 Chicago 34.

 Your Milk-Drinking Pick of the Week:

Texans over Bills. On Sunday, the Texans fell to earth which graciously accepted their lifeless corpse.  The Giants exposed the obvious flaws (turnover-happy QB, suspect front 7 against a running game, patchy special teams), but the game showed one thing and one thing only – the Texans are a different team when Arian Foster is in uniform.   They might be whiskey drinkers with him, but they have milk moustaches without him.  The Bills also returned to Terra getting whipped by the surprising Chargers.   Another mediocre match-up.  If Arian plays, he is the difference maker.  If not – all bets are off.  Houston 30 Orchard Park 20.

Your Whiskey-Drinking Pick of the Week:

Eagles over 49ers.  Going against the triple-reverse time zone hex this week to pick the Eagles on the road in California.  My pick to win it all has not disappointed so far, while the Niners look to be in disarray.  The only thing hard to believe is that the Eagles are second in passing offense so far.  The Eagles defense is somewhat suspect but should be good enough to handle the so-far anemic Niners’ second-half offense.  I am not a CK believer and he is showing me why right now.  I am calling for a major road-show ass-whipping and much whiskey drinking in Philly.  Philadelphia 45 Santa Clara 19.

Your Didn’t the Packers Always Beat the Cowboys Pick of the Week:

Saints over Cowboys.  Loyal readers know one thing – when I pick a Cowboys game, it is because I am picking them to lose.  The Saints will be the first real test for the Boys this season.  They will fail. New Orleans 17 Arlington 6.

Your Max Bet Pick of the Week:

Falcons over Vikings. Going to Vegas this week?  Here’s your bet – Falcons -3 on the road against Vikings.  Vikings will be lucky to score 3 points against even a pathetic Falcons defense.  They have no shot of keeping up with Falcons high-flying offense which should be good for 35 points on average this season.  Atlanta 42 Minnesota 13.

Your They Don’t Drink Milk with Whiskey in London Pick of the Week:

Dolphins over Raiders. Sometimes it’ hard to pick a really deserving Shit Bowl this early in the season as the really crappy teams have not revealed their utter crappiness yet.  Not this week.  Our friends at Wembley in London will have the rare treat of a completely legitimate, make no bones about it, sure-fire, run screaming from the telly, Shit Bowl on Sunday.  It would be hard to find two more deserving teams at this juncture in the season. The Raiders and Dolphins have the 29^th and 28^th worst passing attacks in the league.  Raiders have some defensive competence, but that is easily overcome by their offensive ineptitude.  Dolphins suck too (and have a looming quarterback controversy on their hands). But not quite as much as Los Raiders.  Keep the drain cleaner under lock and key if you dare to watch this Execrable Excrement Exhibition from England. Miami 26 Oakland 14.