This week’s NFL Prediction Six-Pack

“I don’t know whether I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf.”

Joe Namath

I am personally for legalizing medical Astroturf in all 50 states – but not the District of Columbia.

Last week 4-2. For the season 10-8 and trending in the right direction.

Your Grass in Greener in the Other End Zone Pick of the Week

Texans over Stealers. Face it – Texans will either win ugly or lose this season.   This one could be very ugly – hideous in fact.  The Stealers are not as bad as they seem despite getting crushed by the Browns on Sunday.  The Texans are not as bad as they looked in the first half against the Colts either.  But neither team is able to put together a complete game so far.  This one comes down to special teams play and the Texans special teams have been reasonably special so far   Houston 23 Pittsburgh 20.

Your Ass is Grass Pick of the Week.

Titans over OTNA’s. Many thought Kurt Cousins was the answer.  They failed to realize, however, that the question was “Who should be my backup quarterback that rides the pine all season?”  Meanwhile, the good news for the Titans is that they finally managed to win a home game.  The bad news –  very few teams will suck as much as the Jaguars.  But the OTNA’s are trying.  This week’s Shit Bowl is just real darn shitty.  Keep 911 on your speed dial if you dare to watch this fetid fecal fight. Tennessee 13 Landover MD 10.

Your Really Good Grass Pick of the Week.

Bengals over Colts.

Must see TV this week and my pick for game of the week. I normally shy away from picking teams that have played extensive OT games the week before.  Especially against a team coming off of 3 extra days of rest.  But as a reward for the tie with the Panthers (and the likelihood of adding enormously to the complexity of the possible playoff scenarios that keeps someone up late at night in the last weeks of the season), I am picking the Bengals to upset the surging Colts.  Actually, the Colts were lucky to withstand the late charge of the Texans Thursday.  Bengals have to be pissed about urinating away a victory.  And something about the Colts smells like death.  And not the good death either. Cincinnati 35 Indianapolis 31.

Your Hiding in the Grass of the Week.

Lions over Saints. Lions made a few Saints back in the day in the Colleseum.  I often refer to professional football as modern-day gladiation – without the losers being immediately killed of course.  I just like the vibe here. Detroit 38 New Orleans 24.

Your Grazing in the Grass Pick of the Week.

Chargers over Chiefs. My pick for game of the week.  Chargers are red hot having won 5 in a row.  Their performance against the Raiders was inexplicably awful and yet they managed to pull out the victory.  Teams of destiny do that shit.  Kind of like the Chiefs last year – until destiny caught up with them.  Destiny lowers the boom earlier this season. Chiefs’ playoff chances take a nosedive.  But not before pushing Chargers to the limit again.  San Diego 38 Kansas City 35.

Your Grassfire Week.

Bears over Dolphins. Bears are -3.5 at home against the Fins.  Is this too good to be true.  Probably.  But nothing else is making my boat payment this week.  Chicago 24 Miami 17.