This week’s NFL Prediction Six-Pack

“Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.”  John Heisman

 “Gentlemen, it is best to ignore the ravings of your clinically insane coach.”  Red

Last week 3-3.  For the season 22-26.  This is my week for sure!

Late Season Update:     The dream is still alive.  In 2010, the Seahawks were the first NFL team to make the playoffs (in a non-strike season) with a losing record at 7-9.  It is theoretically possible for a team to make the playoffs with a 6-10 record if they win all of their division games and no other team in the division wins more than 6 games.  Some claim it is even possible for a 5-11 team to make the playoffs.  Not being quite so greedy, I have long dreamed of the glorious day when that first 6-10 playoff team takes the field. That dream is still alive because of the pathetically weak NFC South.  The Falcons and Saints head up the division with mighty 4-6 records followed closely by the Panthers at 3-7-1.  Even the lowly Buccaneers are not out of contention at 2-8.  Yes, that’s right – a 6 game winning streak would likely put them into the playoffs given the competition in this shithole of division.  Red doesn’t have time to work out all the iterations, but a 6-10 team playing in January is looking more and more likely.  Stay tuned.

Your I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead (Again) Pick of the Week.

Chiefs over Raiders.   The Raiders are going to win a game this season, but not this week.  Chiefs should be able to sleepwalk through this one.  By 9:30, Red will be watching reruns of Bonanza.    Kansas City 38 Oakland 10.

Your Dead Reckoning Pick of the Week

Texans over Bengals.   Red will have to listen to this one on the AM Radio because he plans to be hunting in deepest darkest bottomland near the Navidad River on Sunday.  Homecomings for the Red Rifle have not been so friendly and his frustration continues this week.  The Texans’ defense is statistically weak but structurally sound.  Expect Romeo to throw the book at Dalton.  Expect Mallet to have another workmanlike game if the O-Line gives him time to unleash the cannon. 8-8 still looks like the most likely outcome for the Texans but 9 is not out of reach if they bamboozle the Bengals. Houston 24 Cincinnati 20.

Your Dead Head Pick of the Week.

Ravens over Saints.    A Saints loss will help keep the dream alive. See above.  Red likes the Ravens plus 4 on the road on the sparkly turf of the SuperDome.  Red is going heavy on the over here at 50.  Both Flacco Joe and Brees can light up the scoreboard on a good night.  Last week Red hit it big on the Patriots to beat the Colts and to cover the daunting 57 point over.  So there you have it.  Baltimore 34 New Orleans 27.

Your Dead Solid Perfect Pick of the Week.

Cardinals over Seahawks.   For this late in the season, there are not a lot of really good match-ups this week.  Only the Lions-Patriots game rivals this one for Red’s NFL GAME OF THE WEEK!.  Cardinals have a chance to all but eliminate the Seabirds from repeating as division champions with a win and post a franchise-record best 11-1 record after 12 games. The Seahawks are the most unsurprising team in the league.  Red hesitated to even pick them to make the playoffs and it will likely be close – especially if they lose this one.  This week Lynch is still pissed about the 100 large hole in his pocket for stiffing the media.  That could be trouble for the Cards. More trouble if Stanton collapses under the Hawks’ defensive pressure.  It will take defensive points to win this one.   Arizona 23 Seattle 20.

Your Dead Man Walking Pick of the Week.

Bears over Buccaneers.    This week’s Shit Bowl is likely to be played on a very cold toilet seat at Soldier Field.  The Bears are a mystery.  The Bucs just plain suck.  Resist the temptation to prepare that final Tidy-Bowl and Rum cocktail if you dare to watch this boring bowel battle on Sunday. Chicago 13 Tampa Bay 3.

Your Wanted Dead or Alive (Again) Pick of the Week.

Giants over Cowboys.  There is no question that the Cowboys should win this game.  Their bruising rushing attack should be enough to wear down the piss-poor Giant’s defense – especially on a snowy frozen field.  This is a critical early-late season game for the Boys.  With the Eagles likely to beat the Titans and then with the Eagles coming to town for Thanksgiving, they could easily be two back with only 4 to play.  Giants are misfiring on all cylinders and haven’t beaten the Cowboys in a good while.  Now is the time.   New Jersey 24 Arlington 23.