This week’s NFL Prediction Six-Pack

“It wasn’t until after I became famous that people noticed I played in the NFL. I kind of snuck in!”    Terry Crews

As usual, President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho is right on target.

For Week 14 it was a mediocre 3-3.  For the season 27-33.  Running out of time to right the ship.

Your “We Got this Guy Not Sure” Pick of the Week.

Texans over Colts.   I am certainly not sure which Texans team will show up from week to week.  The team that can whup up on the weaklings of the league or the team that folds under pressure to better teams.  Oh wait, that’s the same team.  Can the Texans finally break through after 13 seasons of frustration in the Hoosier State?  And what the hell is a “Hoosier” anyway?  And why would I possibly pick this Texans team to beat the Colts on the road?  And where are my car keys?    Houston 31 Indianapolis 29.

Your “I thought Your Head Would Be Bigger” Pick of the Week

Eagles over Cowboys.   Eagles made Cowboys look foolish on Thanksgiving.  Red sees no reason to call this one any differently.  Philadelphia 38 Arlingtonton 25.

You’re “We Are Running out of French Fries and Burrito Coverings” Pick of the Week.

Bengals over Browns.   And I am running out of steam to write about games that are too damn hard to pick this late in the season. There you have it.  Cincinnati 23 Cleveland 20.

Your “He’s Got a Higher IQ than any Man Alive” Pick of the Week.

Patriots over Dolphins.    Yes, the Hooded Wonder probably does have a higher football IQ than any man alive.  Anyone who can make LaGarrett “the Fat Pig” Blount look like a serviceable NFL running back is a certifiable genius.  It often seems that the Patriots are doing it with smoke and mirrors, but the wins just keep coming.  I like the Dolphins, but as I have said all year, they are at least another year (and a Tom Brady retirement party) away from competing for an AFC East division championship. This one will be closer than you might expect, but not close enough.    New England 27 Miami 23.

Your “I Got a Solution” Pick of the Week.

Cardinals over Rams.   Is your NFL team sucking more than any other?  Here’s the solution.  Move your team to the Mountain Time Zone.  The only two teams that play on Mountain time have the two of the three best records in the league.  Coincidence? I don’t think so.  Cards continue to get it done this week and come close to wrapping up a playoff berth.  Jeff “Enormous Stick up his Butt” Fischer comes close to wrapping up his retirement package after a loss.   Arizona 17 St. Louis 10.  

Your “I Understand Everyone’s Shit’s Emotional Right Now” Pick of the Week.

Panthers over Buccaneers.  The pathetic state of the NFC South can be summed up by this – It’s Week 15, the Panthers are 4-8-1 and they are not out of the race for the division championship.  In fact, they are in the thick of the playoff race, mostly because the 4 teams in the NFC South have won exactly 16 games between them.  So in honor of that sad state of affairs, Red is passing over entirely worthy match ups between the Giants/OTNA’s, and the Jets/Titans games to award the Week 15 Shit Bowl to this beastly bowel battle.  And since Red picked the Panthers to win this sad excuse for a pro-football division, he has to stick with the Panthers.   Carolina 12 Tampa Bay 10.