Ted Cruz Speaks – Red Translates

Cruz was nearly apoplectic in the face of the Supreme Court’s latest upholding of the Affordable Care Act.

“Our government was designed to be one of laws [only those made by Republicans of course], not of men [screw the women],” Sen. Cruz said. “And this transparent distortion is disgraceful [contrary to what I believe]. These justices are not behaving as umpires calling balls and strikes[unless they are following the Tea Party agenda and I approve]. They have joined a team [the Communist, Socialist Liberal Democrats], and it is a team that is hurting Americans across this country[Despite the undisputed evidence of reasonable economic and job growth after my party damn near killed the economy]. Obamacare [never call it by its real name] is the biggest job killer in America [if I say so] Millions of Americans have lost their jobs [please don’t ask for evidence – just trust me here], have been forced into part-time work [largely because they wanted to be able to work part-time and still have health insurance – but those are inconvenient facts that you should obviously ignore because I do], have lost their health insurance [and got better insurance –  again ignore], have lost their doctors [I mean literally lost them – they have simply disappeared and cannot be found]. Millions of Americans have seen their health insurance premiums skyrocket [and by that I mean they have increased at a much lower rate than before the ACA but I can’t really say that now can I?], and it is a direct result of President Obama [that Muslim Kenyan Socialist terrorist sympathizer], of Democrats [latter-day Communists] in the United States Congress, and of lawless judges [except for the authority granted to them by the US Constitution which I claim to revere except when inconveniently at odds with the facts] at the United States Supreme Court who have joined the team  [those Commies again] of the Obama administration [as opposed to my team of Tea Party wingnuts who wanted to destroy our healthcare system so that we could embarrass that Muslim Kenyan]. If those justices [I really dissed them by using lower case] want to become legislators [like me], I invite them to resign and run for office [preferably in Texas]. That’s the appropriate place to write laws [something I am to busy grandstanding to do]: on this floor [we keep the carpet reasonably clean], not from that courtroom.”

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