Red can’t seem to correctly pick either the Texans to win or the Cowboys to lose which led to another 3-3 week and a season total of 32-37 for Red. But there are no excuses in this game – only results.
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Chiefs over Chargers. There really isn’t much question about the game to watch this week if you are only going to watch one game. The 11-2 Chiefs and 10-3 Chargers square off to see who will have the inside track on the AFC West Title on Thursday night. The Chiefs have already secured a playoff berth and the Chargers would grab one with a win. By all rights, we should see about 90 points and 900 yards of total offense – which of course can mean a tight defensive struggle – something the Chiefs are ill-equipped to win with their sad sack defense. Red just can’t see that happening. Mahomes continues his MVP quest while the trusty veteran P. Rivers may have his last best shot at a division title and home field advantage and who wouldn’t want to see the Patriots playing on the west coast in a crackerbox stadium in an AFC Championship game. Well, Red for one. Red is sticking with his preseason pick to win it all. Kansas City 45 Los Angeles 38.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Stealers over Patriots. Speaking of last best chances – the Stealers are still in the driver’s seat in the AFC North, but the check engine light is on and Steelwagon is running on fumes right now. How does a legitimate NFL team actually lose to the Raiders? Answer: a time zone hex that Red missed out on – perhaps the time zone hex of the season. And why is it that the Stealers never seem to beat the Patriots when real money is on the table? Answer: the Pats are just better in the clutch. This week the Pats could use a win after the humiliating last-second loss to the Dolphins, but the Stealers really need a win as they are feeling the hot breath of the putrid Ravens franchise breathing down their sweaty necks. A coin toss here and it comes up for the Stealers. Pittsburgh 20 New England 19.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Texans over Jets. If the Texans cannot beat the Jets they deserve to be sitting at home in January licking their self-inflicted wounds and weeping over what could have been. What has become clear is that Deshaun Watson cannot do it alone and on a day where the offensive line regresses to form and he is under pressure and having to throw passes to the third string quarterback (Joe Webb), things are probably not going to turn out well – especially against the historical franchise nemesis Colts. The running game must get going. But a rainy cold forecast for Saturday does not bode well. Nevertheless, Red is going down with the Texans ship. Houston 17 New Jersey 12.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Bears over Packers. This one seemed important at the beginning of the season. Now – not so much. Bears were channeling Refrigerator Perry in mowing down the Rams last week. Who holds the Rams to 6 points? The Pack is playing out the skein for new interim head coach – Joe “The Guy You’ve Never Heard Of” Philbin. Hey Joe, where you going with that playbook in your hand? Joe’s going to Soldier Field to get whipped like a lazy mule. The Bears really just don’t have to score very many points to win anymore. Chicago 19 Green Bay 6.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Rams over Eagles. Rams don’t need any help in dispatching a quickly fading memory of a championship team – but they’ll take it anyway. Triple reverse time zone hex is superfluous. Los Angeles 44 Philadelphia 10.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – Bengals over Raiders. Red can smell the stench from high atop Red Plaza. Raiders pulled one out of their ass last week. But that trick only works once or maybe twice a season. The Bengals aren’t bad – they aren’t good either, but the Raiders are clearly butt ugly awful except on rare occasions when you swear that there is a professional football team wearing the Silver and Black. If you watch this beastly bowel battle without taking the customary precautions, Red feels no pity for you. Cincinnati 29 Oakland 13.
Your Bonus Hoping to Pull Red’s Ass out of the Fire Game of the Week – Cowboys over Colts. Just because. Arlington 23 Indianapolis 20.