- Kansas City Chiefs – Reigning champs will be No. 1 until they lose a game
- Buffalo Bills – The window still seems wide open.
- New Orleans Saints – What a freaking beat down of the unduly vaunted Cowboys. The season could end now and Red would be happy.
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Baker Mayfield has found his home at long last.
- Houston Texans – Playing as well as any team on on two and half sides of the ball.
- Los Angeles Chargers – Herbert’s sophomore slump appears to be just that.
- Seattle Seahawks – Red is going long on Geno playing the whole season.
- Minnesota Vikings – Will the smoke and mirrors hold out?
- Pittsburgh Stealers – Red believes at least for another week.
- Detroit Lions – Red’s former team of hit a road bump that they should have avoided
- San Francisco 49ers – Have they ever scored exactly 49 points in a game?
- Baltimore Ravens – The ship is listing badly. Captain LJ needs to take control.
- Philadelphia Eagles – Still have the best tandem running backs in the league.
- New York Jets – A Rodg looks good. Damn it.
- Miami Dolphins – With Tua out for the foreseeable future, Skylar Thompson has to step up.
- Green Bay Packers – Who knows? Surely not Red.
- Arizona Cardinals – Marvin Harrison, Jr. – Just wow!
- Las Vegas Raiders – Hmm.
- Cleveland Browns – A start for Jameis Winston can’t be far away.
- Atlanta Falcons – Redefining mediocrity.
- Dallas Cowboys – See No. 3 above.
- Washington Commanders – Division play awaits.
- Chicago Bears – Gave the Texans what for last week.
- Los Angeles Rams – Claiming the title of the best winless team.
- Indianapolis Colts – Not getting any breaks.
- Jacksonville Jaguars – Not deserving any breaks.
- Tennessee Titans – What is going on in Nashville?
- New England Patriots – If you can’t say something nice . . .
- Denver Broncos – See above.
- Cincinnati Bengals – Wake up!
- New York Giants – Looking hopeless.
- Carolina Panthers – Don’t make Red say it.
