This week’s NFL Prediction Six-Pack

“It wasn’t until after I became famous that people noticed I played in the NFL. I kind of snuck in!”    Terry Crews

As usual, President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho is right on target.

For Week 14 it was a mediocre 3-3.  For the season 27-33.  Running out of time to right the ship.

Your “We Got this Guy Not Sure” Pick of the Week.

Texans over Colts.   I am certainly not sure which Texans team will show up from week to week.  The team that can whup up on the weaklings of the league or the team that folds under pressure to better teams.  Oh wait, that’s the same team.  Can the Texans finally break through after 13 seasons of frustration in the Hoosier State?  And what the hell is a “Hoosier” anyway?  And why would I possibly pick this Texans team to beat the Colts on the road?  And where are my car keys?    Houston 31 Indianapolis 29.

Your “I thought Your Head Would Be Bigger” Pick of the Week

Eagles over Cowboys.   Eagles made Cowboys look foolish on Thanksgiving.  Red sees no reason to call this one any differently.  Philadelphia 38 Arlingtonton 25.

You’re “We Are Running out of French Fries and Burrito Coverings” Pick of the Week.

Bengals over Browns.   And I am running out of steam to write about games that are too damn hard to pick this late in the season. There you have it.  Cincinnati 23 Cleveland 20.

Your “He’s Got a Higher IQ than any Man Alive” Pick of the Week.

Patriots over Dolphins.    Yes, the Hooded Wonder probably does have a higher football IQ than any man alive.  Anyone who can make LaGarrett “the Fat Pig” Blount look like a serviceable NFL running back is a certifiable genius.  It often seems that the Patriots are doing it with smoke and mirrors, but the wins just keep coming.  I like the Dolphins, but as I have said all year, they are at least another year (and a Tom Brady retirement party) away from competing for an AFC East division championship. This one will be closer than you might expect, but not close enough.    New England 27 Miami 23.

Your “I Got a Solution” Pick of the Week.

Cardinals over Rams.   Is your NFL team sucking more than any other?  Here’s the solution.  Move your team to the Mountain Time Zone.  The only two teams that play on Mountain time have the two of the three best records in the league.  Coincidence? I don’t think so.  Cards continue to get it done this week and come close to wrapping up a playoff berth.  Jeff “Enormous Stick up his Butt” Fischer comes close to wrapping up his retirement package after a loss.   Arizona 17 St. Louis 10.  

Your “I Understand Everyone’s Shit’s Emotional Right Now” Pick of the Week.

Panthers over Buccaneers.  The pathetic state of the NFC South can be summed up by this – It’s Week 15, the Panthers are 4-8-1 and they are not out of the race for the division championship.  In fact, they are in the thick of the playoff race, mostly because the 4 teams in the NFC South have won exactly 16 games between them.  So in honor of that sad state of affairs, Red is passing over entirely worthy match ups between the Giants/OTNA’s, and the Jets/Titans games to award the Week 15 Shit Bowl to this beastly bowel battle.  And since Red picked the Panthers to win this sad excuse for a pro-football division, he has to stick with the Panthers.   Carolina 12 Tampa Bay 10.

Tunnel of Love by Dire Straits

Great Song – Incredibly awful video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrDK0UoAkfY

The Houston Chronicle reports that two teenagers were apprehended after a car-jacking.  One problem for the youths was that they apparently did not know how to drive a car with a manual transmission and after a brief chase were caught when they had to flee on foot.

Don’t do the crime, if you can’t drive the car.

http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/houston/article/Texas-carjackers-thwarted-by-car-s-stick-shift-5932400.php

The Corpus Christi Caller-Times reports that another law enforcement official involved in an unprovoked choking incident has resigned.

“A Nueces County district attorney’s office investigator who placed a woman in a chokehold has resigned to avoid being fired, and a Corpus Christi police officer has been disciplined after asking the woman to delete a video of the incident. Video showing Investigator Gary Witherspoon placing the woman in a chokehold recently went viral, drawing more than 112,000 views on YouTube by Wednesday. He resigned Wednesday afternoon, according to District Attorney Mark Skurka, who had promised to look into the incident.”

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/state/headlines/20141203-investigator-resigns-after-putting-woman-in-chokehold-officer-who-wanted-video-deleted-is-disciplined.ece

USA Today reports that over 100 brains have disappeared from a University of Texas research facility.

“Some 100 jars of brains,possibly including one from infamous UT sniper Charles Whitman,have gone missing from a psychology lab at the University of Texas at Austin. The missing organs, which represent about half of the university’s collection, had been stored in jars of formaldehyde in a basement because the lab did not have enough room for all of them. The brains have been used by neuroscience students to study everything from Huntington’s disease to Parkinson’s disease, depression, strokes and other disorders.”

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/12/03/texas-missing-brains/19819601/

My favorite Saxophone player, Bobby Keys, died today at the age of 70.  Keys was legendary among rock musicians for his bluesy, hard-edged saxophone style.  Keys was born in Slaton, Texas and got his start at age 15 playing with Buddy Holly and the Crickets and also touring with Bobby Vee.  He is best known as the sax player for the Rolling Stones with his signature solo from Brown Sugar.  He was close friends with Keith Richards sharing the same birthdate.  He first met the Stones at a Teen Fair in San Antonio in 1964 and was with them except for a hiatus in the late 70’s allegedly caused when he missed a show after downing a bathtub full of Dom Perignon.  His other notable solos include the incredible romp on John Lennon’s Whatever Gets You Through the Night.  It is impossible to imagine that song as a Number 1 hit without that solo.

My first awareness of Keys came from watching the Joe Cocker’s classic rock concert film Mad Dogs and Englishmen.  After one viewing I was a fan.  Condolences to all who knew and loved him.

Convicted murderer Bernie Tiede has won a new sentencing hearing after being granted relief by the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals.  In what can only be described as a terse opinion, the Court granted Tiede’s petition for writ of habeas corpus and remanded his case to Panola County for a new sentencing hearing.  The Court noted that in an extensive hearing, Tiede had alleged that “newly available relevant scientific evidence that contradicts the scientific evidence relied upon by the State at trial, and that false evidence was presented at trial.”  Although not discussed in the Court’s per curiam opinion, the thrust of Tiede’s argument for a new hearing is that he was suffering from a dissociative period that resulted from childhood abuse when he murdered rich widow Marjorie Nugent in the garage of her Carthage home.

Tiede has been out on parole for several months living in the garage apartment of filmmaker Richard Linklater whose film “Bernie” made Tiede (portrayed by Jack Black) something of a celebrity.  It is believed that Panola County District Attorney Danny “Buck” Davidson (portrayed by Matthew McConnaughy) will not seek another life sentence and will recommend that Tiede be sentenced to time served.

For the Court of Criminal Appeals Opinion see   http://www.search.txcourts.gov/SearchMedia.aspx?MediaVersionID=f9c7bb7d-35fb-4ff7-aeb7-b3a02799558c&coa=coscca&DT=OPINION&MediaID=4d54a00a-ad90-49bf-9d12-177b3a2d2a18

This week’s NFL Prediction Six-Pack

“Right after the game, say as little as possible.”  Tom Landry

We miss you Tom, and your tight ass.

Red was off for Thanksgiving last week.  For Week 12 it was a pathetic 2-4.  For the season 24-30.  Not even close.

Your Silence is Golden Pick of the Week.

Lions over Buccaneers.  Tampa Bay will be an interesting team to watch – next year.  The only reason to watch this year is to see Mike Evans continue his march towards Rookie of the Year.  Lions are the biggest surprise to Red this season as he picked them to be watching the playoffs in January.  Some team is going 10-6 or possibly even 11-5 and missing the post-season.   Lions need win to keep pace in the surprisingly competitive NFC wildcard race. .    Detroit 20 Tampa Bay 13.

Your Silence of the Lambs Pick of the Week

Texans over Jaguars.   Will wonders never cease?  Ryan Fitzpatrick actually looked like an NFL starting quarterback last week against the hapless Titans.  Meanwhile, DeAndre Hopkins and J. J. Watt keep confirming that their deals are real.  The Texans have the talent to win games, but most weeks they have the mentality of losers.  The good news for Fitz and Crew is that bigger losers are coming to town on Sunday.  Houston 36 Jacksonville 20.

You’re the Less Said the Better Pick of the Week.

Bengals over Stealers.   There you have it.  Cincinnati 32 Pittsburgh 20.

Your Hipsters in Fedoras Pick of the Week.

Chargers over Patriots.   Another big match-up this week as the Patriots attempt to overcome the reverse triple time zone/Mediterranean climate shift hex when they travel to face the Chargers for their second Sunday night match up in a row.  Brady and crew looked beatable for most of the Packers game until making it close before collapsing under pressure in the frigid Wisconsin night.  Weather is not a factor this week, but playing the Chargers is a puzzle.  Which Chargers team shows up this week?  The one that lost to Dolphins 37-0 or the one that beat the Seahawks by 9.  Chargers have been mostly eking out wins over the decent teams they have played and would be happy with one more eke this week.   San Diego 27 New England 24.

Your Silent Predators Pick of the Week.

Eagles over Seahawks.  I don’t have this as a Superb Owl matchup, but it wouldn’t surprise Red to see these two wily avian predators playing in February.  Eagles were at their best in dismantling the Cowboys on Thanksgiving.  The Legion was just fine in shutting down the Cardinals last week, but the Hawks offense has begun to sputter.   No sputtering allowed against the high-flying Eagles. You don’t need to score that many to beat the Seahawks lately.    Philadelphia 30 Seattle 17.

Your Silencio Pick of the Week.

Titans over Giants.  When reading about the bullfights in the paper the next day, the one word you don’t want to see is “silencio.”  That means the crowd rewarded an especially deficient performance with silence.  Red has seen that happen at Texans’ games on a number of occasions when there were about 1437 fans left in the stands at the end of the game.  It’s kind of sad what has happened to the Titans since Bud Adams died as attested to by their repeated appearances in the weekly Shit Bowl.  Last week’s debacle against the Texans was a new low point.  Well, this is the Titan’s week as they face a Giants team that comes to Nashville on 7 game losing streak to set up a contender for Shit Bowl of the Year.  Don’t clean your Ruger while watching this dreadful dung duel lest ye be tempted to put a big hole in that brand new 52 incher hanging on the living room wall.   Tennessee 13 New Jersey 11.

Red’s Bonus Early Final Four Prediction

At the beginning  of the season Red picked: Baylor, Alabama, Oregon and Michigan State (should have paid more attention to the schedule)

At this point it looks like: TCU, Alabama, Oregon and Wisconsin/Florida State

It should be an interesting weekend.

From the Annals of Corporate Greed –  In 2001, the Enron Corporation filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.  Enron was formed in 1985 as the merger of two gas companies, Houston Natural Gas and Internorth. Chairman and CEO Kenneth Lay engineered Enron’s rise to 7th place in the Fortune 500.  At its peak, Enron employed 21,000 people and posted revenue of $111 billion. The peak was short-lived as Enron’s business model came under more and more scrutiny.  The stock price fell off the cliff, dropping from $90.75 in August 2000 to $0.26 on November 30, 2001.

The rightly maligned Lay sold large amounts of his Enron stock, but encouraged the average Enron employees to buy more shares claiming that the company was on the rebound. Many employees faced financial ruin when Enron’s stock price continued to plummet.  By the end of 2001, Enron’s collapse had cost investors billions of dollars, wiped out some 5,600 jobs and liquidated almost $2.1 billion in pension plans.

For a time, Enron was the poster child for major corporate fraud and corruption.  Numerous investigations revealed that Enron had inflated its earnings by hiding debts and losses in subsidiary partnerships. Lay and Jeffrey Skilling, who served as Enron’s CEO from February to August 2001 were indicted on federal conspiracy charges for their scheme of covering up Enron’s crooked financial practices. Among Enron’s victims was accounting firm Arthur Anderson, whose auditors were found guilty of deliberately destroying documents incriminating to Enron.

Skilling, the principal villain in Enron’s collapse was indicted and convicted and sentenced to 24 years in prison. Lay was also convicted but died before serving any time.