This week’s NFL Prediction Six-Pack

“I don’t know whether I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf.”

Joe Namath

I am personally for legalizing medical Astroturf in all 50 states – but not the District of Columbia.

Last week 4-2. For the season 10-8 and trending in the right direction.

Your Grass in Greener in the Other End Zone Pick of the Week

Texans over Stealers. Face it – Texans will either win ugly or lose this season.   This one could be very ugly – hideous in fact.  The Stealers are not as bad as they seem despite getting crushed by the Browns on Sunday.  The Texans are not as bad as they looked in the first half against the Colts either.  But neither team is able to put together a complete game so far.  This one comes down to special teams play and the Texans special teams have been reasonably special so far   Houston 23 Pittsburgh 20.

Your Ass is Grass Pick of the Week.

Titans over OTNA’s. Many thought Kurt Cousins was the answer.  They failed to realize, however, that the question was “Who should be my backup quarterback that rides the pine all season?”  Meanwhile, the good news for the Titans is that they finally managed to win a home game.  The bad news –  very few teams will suck as much as the Jaguars.  But the OTNA’s are trying.  This week’s Shit Bowl is just real darn shitty.  Keep 911 on your speed dial if you dare to watch this fetid fecal fight. Tennessee 13 Landover MD 10.

Your Really Good Grass Pick of the Week.

Bengals over Colts.

Must see TV this week and my pick for game of the week. I normally shy away from picking teams that have played extensive OT games the week before.  Especially against a team coming off of 3 extra days of rest.  But as a reward for the tie with the Panthers (and the likelihood of adding enormously to the complexity of the possible playoff scenarios that keeps someone up late at night in the last weeks of the season), I am picking the Bengals to upset the surging Colts.  Actually, the Colts were lucky to withstand the late charge of the Texans Thursday.  Bengals have to be pissed about urinating away a victory.  And something about the Colts smells like death.  And not the good death either. Cincinnati 35 Indianapolis 31.

Your Hiding in the Grass of the Week.

Lions over Saints. Lions made a few Saints back in the day in the Colleseum.  I often refer to professional football as modern-day gladiation – without the losers being immediately killed of course.  I just like the vibe here. Detroit 38 New Orleans 24.

Your Grazing in the Grass Pick of the Week.

Chargers over Chiefs. My pick for game of the week.  Chargers are red hot having won 5 in a row.  Their performance against the Raiders was inexplicably awful and yet they managed to pull out the victory.  Teams of destiny do that shit.  Kind of like the Chiefs last year – until destiny caught up with them.  Destiny lowers the boom earlier this season. Chiefs’ playoff chances take a nosedive.  But not before pushing Chargers to the limit again.  San Diego 38 Kansas City 35.

Your Grassfire Week.

Bears over Dolphins. Bears are -3.5 at home against the Fins.  Is this too good to be true.  Probably.  But nothing else is making my boat payment this week.  Chicago 24 Miami 17.

Dwight David Eisenhower, General of the Army and 34th President of the United States was born in Dennison, Texas in 1890.  His family moved to Kansas shortly afterward, but he was the first U.S. president to be born in Texas.  After leading the U.S. to victory in the European Theater, Ike, as he was known, was extremely popular and was recruited by both parties to run for President.  His Presidency was relatively successful, ending the Korean War and avoiding any major economic crisis.  His tepid  response to McCarthyism was characteristic of his somewhat reluctant form of leadership.  And of course he bequeathed us Richard Nixon.  His odd and largely ignored turn against the military-industrial complex at the end of his time in office is still mysterious given his background and the rising tenor of the Cold War.  Ike could not find a place in the Republican Party today. He may have also been the best Presidential golfer.

I expect swarms of fake voters to storm the polling places on November 4 after U.S. District Judge Nelva Gonzales Ramos of Corpus Christi declared Texas’ strict voter identification law unconstitutional.  Judge Ramos likened the law to a poll tax meant to deliberately suppress minority voter turnout. Her ruling comes barely three weeks before Election Day.  Soon to be Gov. Abbott pledges to defend the law despite having no evidence whatsoever that the law deters election day fraud.  Paradiseinhell.net will pay $10 for every documented instance of in-person voter fraud to the charity of your choice.  I don’t expect to be hitting the ATM anytime soon.

Crying in the Chapel  by Artie Glenn.

Elvis recorded the song in 1960 during for his gospel album – His Hand in Mine.  It was not included on that album.  RCA finally released it as an  Easter Special single in 1965.  The song hit No. 3 on the BIllboard Hot 100 charts and topped the Easy Listening Chart for seven weeks. This was Elvis’ best chart success in a six year span.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00eUebsh68M

In 1955, Elvis Presley performed at the Soldier’s and Sailor’s Memorial Hall in Brownwood. The show was sponsored by the Brownwood Volunteer Fire Department. The show was part of a weeklong tour with Johnny Cash, Wanda Jackson and Porter Waggoner.  There was nothing particularly unusual about this date as Elvis was playing all over Texas, Louisiana, Arkansas and Mississippi in 1955.  Check out this concert schedule.  James Brown was not the hardest working man in show biz in 1955.

http://www.elvisconcerts.com/liv1955.htm1955

The Road and the Sky by Jackson Browne

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LETSxS7w45U

Your dedicated analyst has done a categorization of NFL mascots to determine if there is any discernible favorite, trends or outliers.

The Avian Wing is well represented with Philadelphia Eagles, Seattle Seahawks, Arizona Cardinals Baltimore Ravens and Atlanta Falcons.  It is theoretically possible for an NFC West team to play the entire Avian Wing in one season.

The Panthera Group is not lacking either with the Detroit Lions, Carolina Panthers, Jacksonville Jaguars and Cincinnati Bengals.  Alas, it appears impossible for any team to play the total feline schedule.

The league is somewhat challenged in the Hooved Group.  The Denver Broncos, Indianapolis Colts and St. Louis Rams are the only upstanding members. The Colts and Broncos form the Equine subset.

The Inanimate Object clan is a small but curious lot containing the New Jersey Jets and the San Diego Chargers (who could be considered in the Hooved Group if defined in a certain way).

The Namesakes are the Cleveland Browns (Paul Brown) and Buffalo Bills (needs no explanation).

The Aquatic Mammals are clearly under-represented with only the Miami Dolphins as a member.

Likewise Ursidae is also a lonely club with only the Chicago Bears.

They both fare better than the Canine Group which is non-existent.  I find this curious in light of the many Bulldogs, Wolves, Huskies, Terriers, Hounds and Salukis found in the College and High School ranks.

What I term the Status Seekers are strongly present.  These are based on physical characteristics, ethnic origin, enthusiasm, sanctification or place of residence and include the New Jersey Giants, Tennessee Titans, Houston Texans, Minnesota Vikings, New England Patriots and New Orleans Saints.

But surprisingly, the Occupations contingent is the clear winner in numerosity and variety.  Here we have the Dallas Cowboys, Green Bay Packers, Pittsburgh Steelers, San Francisco 49ers, Kansas City Chiefs, Oakland Raiders and Tampa Bay Buccaneers (the last two forming the Seafaring Criminals subset).

And then we have the Racial Epithet outlier in the Washingon Redskins.

FIX THE PROBLEM NOW!!

In 1926, the Witte Memorial Museum opened in San Antonio. The Witte is named for Alfred G. Witte who bequeathed $65,000 to the city for construction of a museum of art, science, and natural history.

The Witte is located on the banks of the San Antonio River adjacent to Brackenridge Park.  In fact, the Brackenridge Park mini-train has a stop for the Witte. The Witte collection focuses on natural history, science and South Texas history and includes historic artifacts, photographs, textiles, dinosaurs, and the relocated Hertzberg Circus Collection.  The four-story Science Treehouse is specially designed for young children.  In recent years, the Witte has added the Robert J. and Helen C. Kleberg South Texas Heritage Center as permanent home for the Witte’s South Texas collection and focuses on the history of South Texas.  As a child, nothing fascinated me more than the collection of furniture made from longhorns.

This week’s NFL Prediction Six-Pack

“When Brian told me he grew up in New Mexico, I told him I thought it is cool that people from other countries play football. He corrected me on my geography and agreed to sit down with me anyway.” Terry Bradshaw

Terry was right; he may be dumb but he sure ain’t stupid.

Last week 3-3. For the season 6-6.  Solidly mediocre.

Your Just North of New Mexico Pick of the Week

Broncos over Jets.  I know you’re thinking brilliant choice.  Well it is a brilliant choice.  Where is it written that I only get to pick the hard ones.  Jets put up the first bagel of the season last week. Actually, this is the kind of game that happens once or twice every season where a team that has no business winning pulls off an upset of a team that can only be humiliated by the loss.  Except that ain’t happening this week.  The only questions are will the Jets score and exactly who is their third string quarterback?   Denver 42 New Jersey 6.

Your A Ways to the East of New Mexico Pick of the Week.

Seahawks over Cowboys.  Okay the Cowboys have officially pissed me off now.  And hold off on the hoopla for a moment.  Yes, they are 4-1 and have an excellent offensive line, but they got handled by a not very good 49ers team, beat the pathetic Titans, narrowly escaped a loss at the Rams, beat a Saints team that I think sucks right now, and beat the hapless Texans (like they almost always do).  They finally face a real team in the Seahawks on Sunday afternoon. I am expecting a serious beatdown and the beginning of the end for the Pokes’ playoff hopes.  Note that after November 2, they play exactly 2 games in the friendly confines of the Pissdome. Seattle 20 Arlington 13.

Your Even Further East of New Mexico Pick of the Week.

Colts over Texans. As much as it pains me, I have to face reality in the Texans coming off the short week after a tough loss and up against a brutally effective offense that has some serious momentum working.  I just don’t see how the Texans keep up with injuries in the secondary that keep occurring on weekly basis (Ed Reed – anyone, anyone?). Missing their top two backup corners probably sealed their fate last week against the Cowboys. Okay, they usually play the Colts pretty close at home and have actually won 3 of the last 4 match-ups at home (even barely losing in the midst of the 14 game losing streak last year), but while I believe in miracles, the omens are foreboding here. Indianapolis 29 Houston 21.

Your Moving a Bit to the West of New Mexico Pick of the Week.

Cardinals over OTNAs (try to figure it out). Cardinals were one of my bold picks to win their division and so far so good.  But it will be dicey from here out.  Palmer shows no signs of returning.  Drew Stanton was bounced from the game on Sunday and losing rising star Calais Campbell for several weeks to a knee injury on a play that Arians called the “dirtiest play he had seen in 37 years in the NFL” sure doesn’t help.  But the cure for all that ails you is playing the OTNAs – who are living up to their mascot’s reputation for getting massacred. Arizona 17 Landover, Md. 9.

Your Lovely Desert Brown Pick of the Week.

Jaguars over Titans.  This could be the Shit Bowl of the year, except for the fact that they play again in December.  Resist the temptation to swear off football and start watching reruns of Lifetime movies when viewing this Awful Anal Assault. Jacksonville 3 Tennessee 2.

Your Cities of Gold Casino is Just a Few Miles up the Road from Santa Fe Pick of the Week.

Chargers over Raiders. Chargers are -7 on the road against Raiders.  Sadly, Paul Revere (nee Paul Revere Dick) passed away this week.  And while I was a dedicated follower of “Where the Action Is” (see below) when a youth and cherished my Midnight Ride LP, I somehow don’t think the Raiders will be adequately inspired by the loss of their leader this week to knock off Red-Hot Rivers and the Chargers.  And if you aren’t yet listening to my betting picks, well you should know better by now. San Diego 45 Oakland 14.