You Just Can’t Make this Stuff Up

Sen. Ted Cruz (TP- Texas) apparently is feeling the need to jumpstart his campaign in first out of the box Iowa.  So what better way than to combine a popular pork product and assault weapons.  In a recently released video, Cruz is shown frying bacon by wrapping it around the barrel of a semi-automatic rifle.  The video was produced by IJ Review a conservative media outlet that also produced the classic “How To Destroy Your Cell Phone with Lindsey Graham.”  In the video, Cruz claims this is how we fry bacon in Texas.  After wrapping a strips of bacon around the barrel and covering them in foil, Cruz competently fires the weapon until the grease starts to drip onto the floor of the indoor rifle range.  Taking a small bite, Cruz remarks, “Mmm, machine-gun bacon.”

First, in Texas, we fry our bacon in a cast iron skillet until crispy.  Second, our mothers taught us to not make a greasy mess at an indoor rifle range.  Third, our fathers taught us to not defile our weapons by using them for unintended purposes. Fourth, we take gun safety seriously. Fifth, we enjoy the great outdoors and practice shooting there whenever possible.  Sixth, we don’t like stupid stunts that pander to the lowest common denominator. Seventh, Red is not going to dignify this nonsense by posting a link to the video.

If only he had used Canadian bacon.

1 thought on “You Just Can’t Make this Stuff Up

  1. Pingback: Perry Endorses Cruz – Big Whoop | Paradise in Hell

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