Red’s NFL Picks – Week 9

Hard to believe that the season is approximately half over and Red is not killing it. Last week, Red screwed the pooch again with a 2-3-1 record somehow managing to stumble into predicting another game that ended in a tie.  For the record, when that happens, Red awards himself a tie as well. So at midseason, Red is 21-25-2.  Not enough to win in the Electoral College, but close enough to make it interesting.

Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Vikings vanquish Lions. Sure bets are hard to come by this week (but see, Texas Franchise Pick of the Week).  The Lions come in as a 6 point dog on the road to a team that just lost its offensive coordinator because of relationship issues.  Which proves that the NFL is not just a “what have you done for me lately?” kind of enterprise.  Rather, the current vibe is “what have you done for me in the last quarter?”. The venerable NT had suffered through ugly losses in the last two weeks that largely were the result of massive devastation in the offensive line and gee, the loss of Adrian Peterson and then Jerick McKinnon might have had something to do with the nosedive.  So calling the Vikings a “sure bet” to do anything but implode after a remarkable 5-0 start is  . . . well, looking for the words here . . . yeah, REAL STUPID!. But when has that stopping Red.  To tell the truth, Red is probably influenced by having watched the Lions offensive ineptitude in person last week when the decent Texans defense bottled up the Lions rather effectively.  So if that C-Note is just burning a hole in your pants pocket, put it down on the Vikings to overcome adversity this week and eke out a one touchdown win.  Or take the under at 41 – if you are really smart. Minnesota 21 Detroit 14.

Underdog Pick of the Week – Jaguars jolt Chiefs. Yeah, Red picked the Jags to be playing in the AFC championship back when he still believed in Blake Bortles.  But BB and the Jags have regressed to form and will be spending the off-season working on their English accents, and looking for a new offensive coordinator after firing Greg Olson.  Compared to A. Smith, BB’s numbers don’t look all that bad.  Of course, compared to A. Smith’s numbers, Case Keenum looks like an actual professional quarterback.  But Red digresses.  Is there any reason to think that the Jags can win this week? Yes, and his name is Nick Foles.  Hard to believe that Foles was once thought of as perhaps, the next big thing. Jacksonville 25 Kansas City 23.

Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Giants gut Eagles. This one goes back to 1933 when the Eagles came into existence and got stomped 56-0 at the Polo Grounds. The Eagles and Giants have played in the same “division” ever since. The real glory days of this rivalry were in the 1940’s and 50’s when both teams fielded powerhouses.  Some claim this is the No.1 rivalry in the NFL.  It certainly is one of the most evenly balanced with the Giants hold an 85-81-2 edge including 4 playoff meetings. The most famous game probably occurred on November 19, 1978 when the Miracle at the Meadowlands occurred.  The Giants were leading the Eagles 17-12 with 20 seconds remaining. Offensive coordinator Bob Gibson called for a running play when all that was needed was for the Giants to take a knee. The handoff between quarterback Joe Pisarcik and Larry Csonka was fumbled and Eagles cornerback Herman Edwards grabbed the loose ball and returned it for the winning score. Nothing that exciting this week.  But it might just be the NFL Game of the Week. New Jersey 35 Philadephia 31.

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Cowboys crush Browns.   Wouldn’t it be just great if the Browns broke their losing streak and the Cowboys winning streak in the same week?  Wouldn’t it also be great if Red got a winning quick pick Lotto ticket this week? Aint neither one gonna happen. Arlington 27 Cleveland 13.

Prime Time Pick of the Week – Raiders ride roughshod over Broncos.  Lil’ brother Carr is making the rest of the league forget that “David Carr still sucks.”  Ah, it feels good to write that again.  He flirted with breaking Norm “the Dutchman” Van Brocklin’s all time single game passing record on Sunday when he accounted for 5 TDs and threw for 513 yards against the Buccaneers last week.  And yet the Raiders only won 30-24 in OT.  Meanwhile in the Rockies, Bronco fans are distraught that their heroes cannot play the Texans every week.  If Red could go to one game this week, Red would make the trip to the decrepit Oakland Coliseum to look for the emaciated ghost of Al Davis celebrating the biggest win Raider win since their last title.  Because a win against the Broncos will put the Raiders in first going into a bye week followed by a trip to La Ciudad de Mexico for a game against the entirely beatable Texans. Oakland 35 Denver 24.

Shit Bowl Pick of the Week – Jets jangle Dolphins. Jets are already at the make or break point for a shot at the playoffs.  Can they run the table with no quarterback, no running game, a suspect defense and a coach with one foot in the grave and one on a spilled Gatorade.  Red has paid almost no attention to the Dolphins this season, which puts him in good standing with 97.5% of NFL fans.  The only time the Dogfins have made news is when their washed retread of a running back announced his retirement.  Sorry, Arian – Red calls ‘em like he sees ‘em.  Red is trying to think of a single reason for a rational football fan to watch this game.  Fortunately for the NFL, rational football fans are few and far between.  Duct tape the remote control to your wrist before tuning in to this one as ye might be tempted to launch it through the front window well before half time of this turgid turd tussle. New Jersey 17 Miami 3.

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