Red is taking a break from translating the intense presidential gibberish flooding the airwaves right now. Even Red has a breaking point. But fear not, Red is tackling the multi-generational tripe flowing from the campaign to re-elect the Reality TV Show Joke of a President. It’s Junior’s turn in the spotlight!

Red,

Do you want to go to one of my father’s (Please love me Daddy) upcoming Make America Great Again Rallies (aka Superspreader Events)?

He’s going to host one lucky supporter (or unlucky as the case may be) as his VIP GUEST (or super-sucker), and he specifically asked me to reach out to YOU (Yes, that’s right the President ignored the crucial business of trying to control the “China Virus” and the staggering economy to say, “Hey Jr., find out if we can suck some money out of Red’s wallet since we have squandered a billion bucks and are really desperate”).

My father has always said his favorite part of being President is meeting REAL American Patriots, like Joe from Texas (Well, next to scarfing up federal dollars at his hotels and golf courses, getting foreign agents to bribe him by doing the same, abusing the power of his office to try and indict his opponents, blabbing on Fox and Friends, and insulting anyone who tries to check his grab for unlimited power. Believe me after that meeting you is first on the list). He’s excited to host you at an EPIC Rally (estimated COVID cases more than 1000 and at least 25 deaths), so don’t wait to enter to win this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (that’s right you only get one chance to die supporting your president).

100 more Patriots (Trumpians) can enter today before we hit our goal (Daddy won’t love me if we miss. I’m really begging you here). Will you be one of them (please, please, please)?

Remember, if you win, we’ll cover your flight and hotel (but not your medical bills), we’ll give you VIP ACCESS to a rally (after you are stripped and sanitized and covered in Saran Wrap), AND you’ll get to bring a guest of your choice (Is there anyone you’ve been wanting to kill off? Now is your chance). You’ll even get to take a photo (photo shopped of course) with President Trump so you can remember it forever (which may be about a week depending on your overall health).

My father will be reviewing the list of entrants (Kool-Aid drinkers) tomorrow morning – will your name be on his list (or will I have to send a Proud Boy to your home)?

Thank you,

Donald Trump Jr.