Trump Begs – Red Translates

You know the drill by now. Trump is tirelessly begging for money from the dupes under the pretense of challenging the election when it is actually going to support the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed. The latest follows:

Red,

Make no mistake (other than electing me in the first place), the Silent Majority will reign (like I intend to rule as Donald the First American Emperor).

The Democrats (traitorous scum) are doing everything they can to STEAL the Election (because if anyone knows about “STEALING” it’s little ol’ me). In order to SAVE AMERICA (and coincidentally save me from going to jail for another 4 years) from their SOCIALIST AGENDA (like not kowtowing to billionaires) we need to keep our Election Defense Fund on track (please ignore the fine print informing you that there is no such thing as an Election Defense Fund).

I’ve asked my team to pull the records of my BEST donors (errr – Suckers)– our most loyal Patriots (easy marks) who I can always count on when I need them the most (and brother do I need you now). I’m disappointed to say that when I asked for your file (just the other day I asked Jared – What is Red from Texas up to?) , they told me you showed up in the BOTTOM 1% of all Trump Supporters (Ivanka has a nice bottom too).

SUPPORTER RECORD
SUPPORTER: Red F. Texas
Donor Since: NOT AVAILABLE
2020 Campaign Cycle Gifts: 0
Lifetime Total: $0

I can’t DEFEND the Election (by filing utterly frivolous lawsuits) from the Radical Left (the voters) without you, Red.

The truth is (I wouldn’t know the truth if it hit me in the face, but I digress), we need to post a HUGE fundraising number today if we’re going to stay on pace to hit our Election Defense Fund Goal (soon to be the Trump Crime Family Legal Defense Fund). We CANNOT fall behind or we risk giving up the Election (that I lost handily), and ultimately the Nation (to be invaded and taken over by Botswana).

If YOU took action and gave your FIRST contribution of $10 TODAY (Note that I’m supposedly a multi-billionaire and I’m begging you for a ten spot), we’d be well on our way to CRUSHING (the meat grinders are ready) our goal (keeping me out of jail) AND SAVING AMERICA from Joe Biden and Kamala Harris (aka Lenin and Trotsky).

Please give your FIRST contribution of $10 or more by 11:59 PM TONIGHT (always put in an artificial deadline to make it look important) to the Official Election Defense Fund (my personal slush fund) and to help me SAVE AMERICA. >>

Giving your FIRST EVER contribution (you cheap ass piece of shit) has never been more crucial than it is right now (the walls are closing in).

50 of the other donors in the bottom 1% have already contributed (a fool, a birth, a minute, etc.). We’re just waiting on you, Red (Jeopardy Theme playing).

Please make your FIRST contribution of ANY AMOUNT TODAY to help me PROTECT (STEAL) THE ELECTION (I’m sweating bullets).

Thank you,

Donald J. Trump
President of the United States (soon to be in exile)

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