Red’s Parting Shot for 2020 – Trump Writes (Red Translates)

Red is going on holiday break and except for his NFL updates will probably not be posting much over the next week or so. But Red will take a few moments to take one final 2020 parting shot at the Reality TV Show Joke of a President.

Trump’s attempted treason has been out in the open for over a month now and yet, the country may be entering its most dangerous phase. Trump seems more and more unhinged as he claims a “landslide victory” in an election where he got his massive butt kicked. That Trump always had a very tenuous grasp on reality is now beyond question as he desperately attempts to cling to power. Trump seems to have no clue that this is alienating even some of his die-hard supporters who still value country over a personality cult. Red is hopeful in his belief that Trump has the stomach for invoking the Insurrection Act as a lead in to an actual civil “shooting” war led by his right-wing militia supporters. That is the only way he could conceivably attempt to hang on at this point. The legal options have run dry. But at the same time, Red is reluctant to sell Trump’s megalomania and sociopathy short. As Red has noted, if millions have to die or be injured in a civil war to keep Trump in power, that is certainly a price he would be willing to pay. So while Red encourages Trump to keep playing his losing hand short of fomenting civil war, he does worry about the long-term consequences of this “strategy.”

Alright, Red promised you one last translation of Trump speak, so here is Red’s take on one of the daily emails from your soon to be former President:

Red,

Where have you been (hopefully training with your local Proud Boys contingent)?

I really want YOU to win the beautiful Make America Great Again Hat that I SIGNED for you (as opposed the millions of other suckers I am sending this email to), but I noticed you STILL haven’t entered yet (you cheap bastard).

You’ve always been one of my BEST supporters (despite nary a nickel from your pocket), Red, so I’ve decided to unlock an exclusive short-term DOUBLE-ENTRY just for you (I learned this at the Con Man Academy of Arts).

This is a ONE-TIME offer (until next week anyway) that ends at MIDNIGHT TONIGHT (Con Man 101 – always have a ridiculous deadline).

Please contribute ANY AMOUNT by 11:59 PM TONIGHT and you will be automatically entered TWICE (Con Man 102 – make ’em feel special) to win the Make America Great Again Hat that I SIGNED for you.

Remember, this hat is ONE-OF-A-KIND (I sweated on it during my last round of golf), and I can’t think of anyone else more deserving of it than YOU (except anyone who contributes more than you).

All you have to do is make another contribution and you’ll automatically be entered TWICE(Con Man 103 – repeat, repeat, repeat)!

Contribute ANY AMOUNT NOW (Don’t read the fine print below that tells you that you are contributing to my slush fund and don’t actually have to contribute anything to win) to be automatically entered TWICE to WIN the SIGNED (by Sharpie of course) Make America Great Again Hat.

Thank you,

Donald J. Trump
President (for life) of the United States
(Again please don’t read the following which tells you that everything I have written above is a complete and total lie)

Contributions to the Trump Make America Great Again Committee are not deductible for federal income tax purposes (at least until the Trump Personality Cult is certified as an actual religion).
**NO PURCHASE, PAYMENT, CONTRIBUTION, OR TEXT MESSAGE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. Contributing or sending a text message will not improve your chances of winning (or Trump winning the election for that matter). Void where prohibited. Entries must be received between December 11, 2020, at 12:00 a.m. Eastern Time and ends on December 26, 2020 at 11:59 p.m. Eastern Time. Odds of winning depend on the number of eligible entries received. One (1) winner will receive one signed Official Make America Great Again Hat (collectively, the “Prize”). The Prize includes the following components:a. One (1) signed Official Make America Great Again Hat, signed by auto-pen (Trump can’t be bothered to actually sign the damn thing):b. One (1) certificate of authentication; The total approximate retail value of the Prize is $30 (and a lifetime of knowing you have been conned by the best).

Thank you for joining Team Trump. It’s because of grassroots supporters (aka Suckers) like YOU that we’ve been able to consistently call out the Fake News media EVERY SINGLE TIME they try to spread misinformation or outright LIES (also known as the TRUTH) about the important work President Trump is doing (he’s on the back nine now). Reaching grassroots supporters directly is CRITICAL if we’re going to WIN BIG in November (Yep, it really says this). But, in order to do that we need to provide them with the most up-to-date information on all of our efforts.

Together, we will Make America Great Again (which he clearly failed to do in the last 4 years)

You can also sign up to receive text messages from Team Trump, members of the Trump family, and even the President himself (Whoopee!). If you would like to opt-out of important campaign updates like this, please click here. If you would like to give feedback to the President (as long as it is fawning praise), click here. If you’d like to step up and join your fellow Patriots in the fight (detailed instructions or armed insurrection to follow) against the Left-wing MOB (otherwise known as 80 million Americans) please click here to sign up to volunteer with Team Trump (or better yet, your local right-wing militia). It’s because of the commitment and support from real Patriots, like YOU Joe, that we will Make America Great Again (and again and again and again)! We appreciate your support and with your help, we’ll secure FOUR MORE YEARS (but hopefully not in Prison)!
Start earning Trump Reward points (Con Man 104 – just make shit up) and download the Official Trump 2020 App below.

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