One of the frustrating things about the NFL is parity. This is on display this week as after only 3 weeks, there are only 2 undefeated teams and only 2 winless teams. This means a huge pack of relative mediocrity that has to be sorted out.

1. Philadelphia Eagles – The Eagles have barely broken a sweat in dispatching opponents. The Commanders went down with barely a whimper.
2. Miami Dolphins – Gave the rest of the league a road map for how to beat the Bills. Tight pass coverage and protect your quarterback at all costs.
3. Buffalo Bills – Will the rest of the league pay attention to what the Dolphins did? Ignore it at your peril.
4. Green Bay Packers – Making T. Brady look stupid at the end of a game earns you extra points with Red.
5. Kansas City Chiefs – Losing to the Colts gets you demoted. A win against the Buccaneers would go a long way to righting the ship.
6. Baltimore Ravens – Mr. Jackson seems to want that MVP trophy and will carry this team into the playoffs. A real duel threat as long as he stays healthy.
7. Los Angeles Rams – A shaky 2-1 record. Replay of last year’s NFC title game this week should be interesting.
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Sorry Tom, 12 points is not going to cut it.
9. Jacksonville Jaguars – Looking surprisingly real so far. If they can stick with the Eagles this week, Red may start to believe.
10. Minnesota Vikings – Got lucky against the Lions – but who doesn’t?
11. Dallas Cowboys – Picking themselves up off the scrap heap so far. Can Rush carry them for another month?
12. Los Angeles Chargers – The Texans are the tonic for whatever ails you. If the Chargers lose this week – Sell!
13. Denver Broncos – Winning with baseball scores.
14. San Francisco 49ers – Losing with baseball scores.
15. Cincinnati Bengals – Will take beating up on Flacco Joe and the Jets to finally get a win. The key is giving Burrow time in the pocket.
16. New York Giants – Had a shot at 3-0. Blew it. Is anyone really surprised?
17. Cleveland Browns – An impressive win against Stealers. It doesn’t get any easier though.
18. New England Patriots – The offense is showing signs of life. Losing to the Ravens is not the end of the world.
19. Tennessee Titans – Will be okay – but only okay – until Derrick Henry’s legs fall off.
20. Chicago Bears – If they had beaten any team other than the Texans, Red would rank them higher.
21. Indianapolis Colts – Probably deserve a higher ranking after knocking off Chiefs but they are averaging 13.33 ppg.
22. Atlanta Falcons – Overcame the triple reverse time zone, inverse longitudinal hex to beat the Seahawks. That’s earns a tip of the old hat from Red.
23. Detroit Lions – Finding new and creative ways to lose.
24. Carolina Panthers – This is about the point where Red has trouble remembering what teams are left to rank and even more trouble caring.
25. New Orleans Saints – Who dat? No one you want running your team.
26. New York Jets – Almost pulled it out of the bag against the Bengals but Flacco Joe forgot his cane.
27. Arizona Cardinals – Probably the biggest disappointment so far this season. Can they hang on until D-Hop comes back to put some life into the passing game?
28. Washington Commanders – Someone in the NFC East has to suck. It used to be every team, now it’s just the Commanders.
29. Carolina Panthers – There’s a picture in the dictionary next to the definition of mediocrity. Go ahead guess.
30. Seattle Seahawks – Probably a contender for the Shit Bowl Game of the Week all season long.
31. Houston Texans – Could be ranked last but for the train wreck that is currently the Raiders.
32. Las Vegas Raiders – Rolling snake eyes so far. Texans’ fans are grateful.