Red is back in the good ol’ USA.  Or at least what used to be the good ol’ USA and may never be again after this week’s election debacle.  But Red is better at ranking NFL teams than he is at predicting elections.

1. Kansas City Chiefs – Despite a shaky performance last week, the Buffalo Bills seem to be the only possible impediment to a playoff bye week. They look unstoppable with the addition of D-Hop.
2. Detroit Lions – Can play indoors or outdoors in the rain.  Ask the fading Packers.
3. Baltimore Ravens –  How good is Lamar Jackson?  The answer:  Very.  The division is surely in hand now.
4. Minnesota Vikings – Darn Old Sam outplayed Tired Old Flacco Joe. 
5. Buffalo Bills – AFC East all but locked up. But can they topple the Chiefs for the top seed? How cold is it in Hell right now? 
6. Washinton Commanders – Red’s fingers are having trouble typing this.
7. Pittsburgh Stealers –  Maybe the Stealers will cure Red’s problem with the Commanders this week.  Pitt is on a role and coming off a bye week.
8. Houston Texans – Losing to the Jets has caused Red some stomach trouble. 
9. Philadelphia Eagles – Eagles cannot allow the dregs of the league to hang around in games they need to win to keep pace with the Commanders.  Gag.
10. Atlanta Falcons – Playing up to their potential.  Just ask any old Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback.
11. San Francisco 49ers – Don’t belong in the top half of the rankings, but there you have it.
12. Green Bay Packers – Ready to pack it in? Division title is almost surely out of reach now.
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – They coulda been a contender, instead of a bum.
14. Los Angeles Chargers – If Herbert plays well the Chargers elite defense will win them a lot more games.
15. Arizona Cardinals – Are leading the NFC West.  The end times are near.
16. Seattle Seahawks – Just hanging around . . . Everybody sing.
17. Los Angeles Rams -Not dead yet.
18. Denver Broncos – Sinking, stinking, blinking.
19. Chicago Bears – Losing to the Cardinals – never a good sign.
20. Indianapolis Colts – For no particular reason other than other teams might suck slightly more. 
21. Cincinnati Bengals – Now entering the futile stage of the season. Expect upheaval in the off season.
22. New York Jets – Texans should be embarrassed.
23. Cleveland Browns – Jameis Winston – good, bad, good, bad, goo ba, goo ba, Repeat after rinsing.
24. Miami Dolphins – Nowhere to go but up, which means nowhere to go.
25. Tennessee Titans – Beating the Patriots gets you a tip of the cap and nothing more.
26. Dallas Cowboys – In the dictionary next to the definition for disarray.
27. New Orleans Saints – Playing worse than any other team right now.
28. New York Giants –  Playing the Panthers in Germany – will you be watching that shit show?  If so, Red has questions about your sanity.
29. Jacksonville Jaguars –  Losing almost all of their one score games.
30. Las Vegas Raiders – Silver and Black and Blue all over.
31. New England Patriots – How is it now that more than any team the Pats are sucking.
32. Carolina Panthers –  Red is tired.  Please fill in the blanks for him. Jawohl!