“You never lose a game if the opponent doesn’t score.” Darrell Royal.
Thanks, Daddy D. We’ll file that in the almost a tautology column.
Red Rates Himself – Last week 3-3. For the season 8-4.
Your Never Lose Pick of the Week: Patriots over Jaguars. Every year some wretched excuse for an NFL franchise digs deep into their hip pads and pulls out a win over a team they have no business beating. Unfortunately for the Jaguars, this is not that week. There will be no – On Any Given Week – inspirational speech after this one. Red does believe that the Jags are going to better than predicted. But the most we can say this week is, “That on any given week the Patriots are likely as not to kick ass and take names.” New England 42 Jacksonville 27.
Your Don’t Score Pick of the Week: Raiders over Browns. An unlikely candidate for Red’s NFL Game of the Week – but here it is. JFF against Lil’ Carr. JFF can be successful if he has receivers that can go up and pull up for grabs throws out of the air. Oh wait, this just in – 36 year-old journeyman Josh McCown to start on Sunday for Browns. Red feels better about this pick already. Raiders will not make the playoffs but they will be hanging around for a long while and surprising a lot of folks – including Browns’ fans this weekend. Oakland 33 Cleveland 30.
Your Texas Long- Something or Another Pick of the Week: Falcons over Cowboys. Some claim the Falcons are the surprise team of the league so far. Not Red. He had them coming out of the box strong and hanging on to win a weak-kneed NFC South. For Red, the Cowboys are the surprise team – surprised that they keep getting handed wins. Don’t expect the Falcons to fail to show up for 3 quarters like the Giants and Eagles. Oh, and throw in the fact that Romo and Bryant are out – while the Falcons seem remarkably healthy – and it is hard to see Das Boys keeping this one close. Expect the Falcons to dominate possession – which might be the best thing that could happen to a Cowboy offense looking for a grip. One thing is for certain, barring a tie there will be one fewer undefeated team on Monday. Atlanta 29 Arlington 10.
Your Daddy “D” Stands for Dump Pick of the Week: Seahawks over Bears. Since this is the week’s only matchup of winless teams, it is by default this week’s Shit Bowl. Plus, it’s just fun to put the reigning NFC champions in the Shit Bowl. This one could get ugly or perhaps, Red should say, uglier. Don’t give into temptation and turn on a rerun of Sex in the City. No. You have to stick it out and watch every play of this turgid turd tussle. Seattle 24 Chicago 3.
Your Double D Pick of the Week: Broncos over Lions. Red really needs to stop picking against home teams, but he just can’t here. The Lions appear to be in disarray on offense with a complete inability to move the ball on the ground. Red challenges you to name a Lions running back. Hmmm, Red thought so. On the other hand, the Broncos offensive line is pathetic and ol’ PMS can’t get hit like he did last week and end up spending the rest of the season hanging of Kubiak’s shoulder on the sidelines telling him what play he should be calling. For the PMS fans out there – I know who you are – don’t miss this game. With the bruising front 7 the Lions have it could be the last of PMS you will see for a while. Did Red just talk himself out of picking the Broncos. Well, not quite. Denver 27 Detroit 20.
You’re Who I am Kidding Pick of the Week: Texans over Buccaneers. Red figures if he keeps picking the Texans he will eventually get it right. Probably not a winning strategy. But if the Texans stink, the putrid odor of the Bucs isn’t far behind. This really should be this week’s Shit Bowl, but rules are rules. Texans win when their defense gets on the board. They do it this weekend. Offense does enough to not lose this one – but just barely. Houston 21 Jacksonville 20.