“If he plays into his forties, he may throw for a 100,000 yards.”
Archie Manning on Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes of Tyler, Texas.
Red just hopes he doesn’t throw for 500 of them on Sunday. However, he is still picking the Chiefs to beat the Texans, if not handily, by more than one score.
Somehow Red must have been sleeping or engaged in important activity like smoking ribs, but he completely missed the inaugural game at the Alamodome of the San Antonio Commanders – Texas’ entry into the new Alliance of American Football. The new league which kicked off this weekend is composed of 8 teams in Atlanta, Birmingham, Memphis and Orlando in the East and San Antonio, San Diego, Arizona and Salt Lake City in the West.
The Commanders are headed by former San Diego Chargers coach Mike Riley and Dallas Cowboys legend Daryl Johnston is the General Manager of the team. The Commanders name is a tribute to San Antonio’s military history complete with sword, Alamo profile and one lone star.
The AAF has some interesting rules. There are no kickoffs (possession starts at the 25 yard line), no extra points (teams must go for a 2-point conversion) and no onside kicks (under certain conditions, after scoring teams can opt for a 4th and 12 from their own 28 yard line). Teams are allowed 2 coaches challenges and there are no replays (but there is a 9th “Sky Official” who can review calls and overturn the on-field decision. And most critically to fans of all stripes, the league is streamlining time-outs and aims to complete games in 2.5 hours. And most commendably, the league is outsourcing head injury reviews to a neutral third-party.
Oh, and the Commanders defeated the San Diego 15-6 in their first game.
From the Annals of Football – In 2003, the Dallas (Arlington) Cowboys announced that Bill “Big Tuna” Parcels would be their new head coach. The two time NFL Championship head coach would post a decidedly mediocre 34-30 record as the Cowboys’ coach – making the playoffs in 2003 and 2006 but never winning a playoff game. Since retiring (or being fired) after the 2006 season, Parcels has never coached again.
It’s wrong to have to be picking for 17 weeks (Yes, Red knows he missed a couple of weeks – so sue him!). But it gives Red one last chance to pull a winning record out of his deflated Champ. Red was 2-4 last week – meaning that he is 38-44 for the year and if he hits on all 6 this week – perfect mediocrity – which has kind of been Red’s life plan all along.
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Titans over Colts. Not much doubt about the TGOTWGOTW this week. Titans and Colts face off in the first playoff game of the season. Winner gets the last Wildcard spot and loser goes home. When all the chips are on the table, Red looks to defense and running game and home field. Here the Titans are 3-0. Yes, the Colts have a much better overall offense, but the Titans defense is just enough better and their running game is for real. Throw in a raucous crowd getting ready for New Year’s in Music City and Red is going with the Titans – but in a squeaker. Tennessee 19 Indianapolis 16.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Bears over Vikings. As noted, the Bears really don’t have to score many points to win right now. And with two top rated defenses and a playoff berth possibly on the line for the Vikings, expect a tight low-scoring contest decided by an extra point, safety or field goal. And these two just might get to do it over again next week in Chicago if the Eagles falter. Chicago 17 Minnesota 14.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Texans over Jaguars. Texans need a win for a chance at a critical first round bye and home game in the divisional round – two things they have never achieved. Of course, they need help from the Patriots – and good luck there. The Jaguars have a decent shot at the 2018 Dead Man of the Year Award as a collective. They entered the season with high apple pie in the sky hopes and instead got a shaving cream pie in the face from the get go. Texans resurrected their season but fell apart late against the Eagles to most likely dash hopes of first round bye last week. The cracks in the Texans offense are evident. Watson holds the ball too long, he has one reliable receiver and the running game comes and goes. The Jags are playing for pride and could be dangerous despite their pathetic excuse for an offense. If the Texans can’t score enough points to beat the Jags, then expect a quick exit from the playoffs. Only the whole season is riding on this one. Houston 28 Jacksonville 16.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Bengals over Stealers. Bengals put an end to season of disappointment and misery for both teams. Both of these teams were legitimate playoff contenders if things broke right. Needless to say they didn’t. Cincinnati 17 Pittsburgh 14.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Chiefs over Raiders. There are always slim pickings in this category with Week 17 matchups featuring exclusively divisional rivalries. Hardly any teams are out of their time zone. Raiders have shown signs of life lately and conversely, the Chiefs are not the juggernaut of September and October. Still the Chiefs have a lot on the line with a home field advantage throughout the playoffs on the line. Mahomes has been the man all season and he closes out his MVP year with a spectacular performance this week. Red calls for 5 TDs, one sack and a possible rushing touchdown. All the crew joins in – except for the defense which as usual sucks. Kansas City 48 Oakland 35.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – Falcons over Buccaneers. Nineteen collective losses earns these two NFC chumps a spot in the final Shit Bowl. Red had the Falcons playing for a championship and cannot figure out what exactly went wrong except that the Falcons have trouble putting together a decent season more than once about every five years. The Buccaneers were a disaster waiting to happen that kept the masses entertained for a while with Fitzpatrick’s miraculous month. Red cautions the foolish few who might actually watch this one to put away that brand new Walther PPK you got for Christmas from weird Uncle Al lest ye be tempted to attempt some target practice on that big 64 incher that Mrs. _______ put in your mancave as a surprise during the third quarter of this turgid turd tussle. Atlanta 27 Tampa Bay 13.
Your Bonus If Red Can go 7-0 and Post a Winning Record He’ll Be Really Happy Pick of the Week – Browns over Ravens. The Browns deserve a winning season and the Ravens deserve to go home. Enough said. Cleveland 28 Baltimore 3.
Red was 4-3 last week and made a mistake in picking an extra game. F#(%ing Cowboys! That puts Red at 36-40 for the season with only two weeks to pull some smelly scabrous mascot out of the hat. As noted, Red has not been picking against the line this season and maybe that was a mistake as his work might have had some redeeming value. As it stands, not so much.
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Stealers over Saints. The Stealers found new life in survival against the Patriots last week. That sort of hard fought win can propel a team into a desperately needed season-closing win streak or just be a dead cat bounce. The Stealers offensive line is capable of taking over a game on a good week. They do it on the Bayou this week and enjoy playing in the controlled environment for a change. Make no mistake, the Saints may be the best team in the NFL right now – but even the best can be beat. Pittsburgh 29 New Orleans 28.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Chiefs over Seahawks. Yes, Red has prominently featured the Chiefs all season, but no team has played in more interesting games than the boys from the great plains. This week is no exception. The Seahawks need a win to keep pace in a jumbled NFC wild card race. The Chiefs have clinched a playoff spot but need a win to keep pace with the hard-charging Chargers (sorry but it’s true). Both teams need wins, both teams can win, both teams can lose. Red is really on a triteness roll this morning. Enough! Watch this game. Kansas City 41 Seattle 37.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Eagles over Texans. The Texans are just not playing very well right now. It took a ridiculous number of field goals for them to dispatch the Jets – who don’t completely suck thanks to Mr. Darnold. While watching the game, Mrs. Red exclaimed, “Is his name really Darn Old?” Yep, he’s that darn old quarterback. This week they face the resurgent Eagles with “big ass chip on his shoulder still” Nick Foles at the helm. Nick has big money to play for. He makes big time plays this week. Philadelphia 25 Houston 21.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Bears over 49ers. It seems that no team can stop the mighty Bears right now – certainly not the smoking ruins of the 49ers once glorious franchise. The only issue might be a slight hangover after having rolled and smoked the hated rival Packers last week. It’s not enough but might make this one a bit closer than otherwise expected. Chicago 20 Santa Clara 16.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Chargers over Ravens. The time zone hex has been a particularly poor indicator this season. Red is left to wonder if the best days of the hex have been eviscerated by better front office planning and easier in-week workouts. The Chargers do not need the hex factor to dispatch a mediocre Ravens team travelling on one of the 4-5 longest road trips possible in the NFL (Red believes Seattle-Miami takes the top spot but Boston- LA may not be far behind). Chargers cost Red a shot at a much needed fantasy football championship last week by going for the win instead of taking the game to OT. But he cannot fault balls. No balls really needed this week – other than the oblate spheroid. Los Angeles 45 Baltimore 22.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – Broncos over Raiders. My how the mighty have fallen. These are two teams that could have been somebody in recent seasons, instead of a bum which is what they are (with apologies to Marlon Brando). But with a combined 19 losses between them they are both deserving of placement in the penultimate Shit Bowl. Red kind of likes Case Keenum despite his having played at POS UH. And after last season, it looked like a big mistake for the Texans to have let this guy get away. Now, not so much. 15 TDs against 12 INTs and 32 sacks is not a prescription for success. Throw in his 8 fumbles (of which miraculously only one has been lost) and you have about 4 semi-disastrous plays per game without much to offset it. The overall lack of talent is clearly not his fault, but great QBs make those around them play better and that has not happened here. As for the Raiders, the less said the better as they skulk their way out of Oakland for the second time in franchise history leaving the emaciated ghost of Dead Al Davis to wander for all eternity croaking “Just win baby” in a voice that can only be heard when the wind blows in from Mantica. Denver 17 Oakland 3.
Well old Uncle Red was out of pocket last week and had to skip Week 12 of the NFL season. For Week 11, Red was 2-4 bringing his season total to an underwhelming 26-31. Mama told me there would be seasons like these. Week 13 for sure.
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Vikings over Patriots. In the 13th ever game between these two franchises from the 1960s, the Vikings can post their first win since September of 2000. And while Red has shoes older than that (two pairs of Cowboy boots actually), many of the citizens of our fair land have never seen the Purple Hoard beat down the New Millennial Franchise of Excellence. Yes, Red has been down this road of picking against the Pats before and is usually the sorrier for it. But he called the Titans win a few weeks back and just has a feeling about this one. It’s that stingy 93 rushing yards per game that the Vikings defense has been giving up. And face it, while most credit Brady and the passing game for the offensive success of the Pats, it has been Bellicheat’s ability to create running room for a rotating cast of otherwise mediocre running backs that makes his offense go. If the Vikes shut down the run, they have a chance to get another leg up on the first NFC Wildcard spot. Maybe a small chance. Minnesota 23 New England 21.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Saints over Cowboys. If the Cowboys can beat the Saints, Red will eat his Stetson Cattleman which he bought on impulse and has rarely worn – so at least it will be fresh. The Saints are the best team in the NFL right now. It would be a huge upset for the Boys to win this one even with dashing phenom Amari Cooper. Look for the Saints to manhandle Cooper with double teams and dare the Cowboys to beat them with Dak and Zeke and the rest of the gang. The Saints are averaging 16 points more per game than the Cowboys. Red just doesn’t see the Boys being able to keep up with the Black and Gold through four quarters. New Orleans 39 Arlington 21.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Texans over Browns. Well if ever a team was primed for a letdown against a mediocre opponent, it would be the Texans coming in on an 8 game win streak and a victory over a Titans team that seemed to be righting the ship. But then again these are the Browns – and even the recently resurgent Browns are unlikely to pull off an upset on the road against a team playing reasonably well. The Texans real weakness has been in scoring with a measly 4 rushing touchdowns this season. They cannot keep up with any high scoring offenses and fortunately have not played any of those (except perhaps the Patriots in Week 1). The Browns should have about a 6-4 record but for repeated “screwings” at the hands of the refs. So they are not to be taken lightly. This one will be close and perhaps ugly. Texans’ fans will take ugly any day since they have been fed a steady diet of same for going on 17 years now. Houston 19 Cleveland 13.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Eagles over Redskins. If Red is right about the Cowboys, this will make for a giant scramble in the NFC East down the stretch with three teams at 6-6 with four games to play (Note: Pete Rozelle is laughing from high above). So while that would not be a disappointing result for purely comic reasons – this is your DGOTW because everything about the NFC East is disappointing this season. Mediocrity reigns supreme. Philadelphia 32 Landover, MD 25.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Chargers over Stealers. Whoever wins this one closes in on a playoff spot. So – big game for both teams who have been playing well – although Red wonders how the Stealers managed to lose to the Broncos last week (oh yeah, four turnovers including a fumble out the back of the end zone on what should have been a scoring play will do it). Chargers are able to overcome the triple time zone hex coming in off the bye week – unless the temperature is below freezing with blowing snow. Right now the prognosticators are calling for temperatures in the 40’s with light rain. Lovely but not enough to slow down a powerhouse Charger team that has played all of its games on the road (more or less) this season. Los Angeles 42 Pittsburgh 29.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – Packers over Cardinals. One might speculate that the Packers will eventually win another game. One might also have bought GE Stock earlier this year. Their middle of the Pack (okay – pun intended) ratings on offense and defense should have them positioned for at least a decent shot at a playoff berth with 5 games to play. But having managed to lose some winnable games – now they are chasing the 6-5 OTNAs, Cowboys, Panthers and Seahawks and the technically in first for a NFC Wildcard spot Vikings at 6-4-1. In sports lingo that is known as a “veritable shitload of teams” to go through. Meanwhile in the desert southwest, the Cardinals are going through a nightmare of a season having basically been run out of the stadium by most of their opponents – topped off with a loss to the Raiders – the NFL equivalent of having your alcoholic uncle turn down your present of a bottle of hootch. The 15 combined losses of these two venerable franchises lands them squarely in this week’s SB. As far as Red can remember, this will be A. Rodgers first ever SB appearance. That alone might make it palatable enough so that you need not put away all the rat poison lest ye be tempted to add a heaping tablespoon to your Margarita mix while watching this terrible turd tussle. Green Bay 21 Arizona 13.
Well Red was 3-3 for the week and running in place at 24-27 for the week. Red will not bet against the Saints again. He did call the Titans upset over the Patriots – so take that.
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Chiefs over Rams. Well sometimes it just speaks for itself. This one needs no hype. Two 9-1 teams (with both losses having come against stiff competition) roll into Estadio Azteca on del noche del proximo Lunes for this mid-season AFC/NFC marquee showdown. The winner gets bragging rights and an inside track to a top playoff seed (the Rams need some help in that regard). Red isn’t sure when there last was an AFC/NFC matchup of this caliber this late in the season. These are the two top scoring offenses in the league and unless the turf in Mexico City is just awful, the Mexican faithful can expect a fireworks show extraordinaire. Yes, Red knows that sometimes this turns into a tight defensive struggle, but he just can’t see it here with all the weapons that Mahomes and Goff have at their disposal guiding by two coaches who do not believe in holding their fire. This could last a while so load up on the guacamole and nachos and enjoy the fiesta. Red sticks with his Superb Owl favorite in this one. Kansas City 48 Los Angeles 40. Update: Game moved to LA – Red sticks with his original call.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Bears over Vikings. Sunday night is overshadowed by the explosive Monday night game between the Chiefs and Rams. Still this is a good matchup between two teams fighting for the NFC North lead going into the home stretch. Although Red doesn’t see either of these teams factoring two much into the playoffs, this is still a big game that could decide this division. Definitely worth watching and please God – let there be snow on Sunday night in the Windy City. Red is ready for an old fashioned blizzard game. Alas, there is a chance for light snow on Saturday. Chicago 17 Minnesota 14.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Packers over Seahawks. The 4-5 Seahawks seem to be appearing in a lot of Your DGOTW’s this season – and rightfully so. The only question Red has is – why no one seems to talk about a “hot seat” for Pete the Cheat. Maybe if he loses this one, the old rocking chair will be at least tepid. Meanwhile, the Packers at 4-4-1 are the very picture of disappointment. Ennui reigns this week as the winner keeps slim playoff hopes alive while the loser looks into the abyss of six more meaningless weeks of pain. Green Bay 24 Seattle 17.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Texans over OTNAs. Even if Red believed in Alex Smith, Adrian Peterson and the rest of the OTNA crew, he could never pick them to win this game or almost any game that wasn’t against the Cowboys. Yes the OTNAs are one of the biggest surprises of the year coming into this game at 6-3 leading the NFC East. But keep in mind that the OTNAs have scored exactly 176 points this season (that’s less than half of what the Chiefs have totaled) and given up 175. Talk about your smoke and mirrors! And what is truly amazing is that the OTNAs have scored fewer points than any team in the pathetic excuse for a professional football division (“PEFPFD”) that is the NFC East. Yes the Giants have scored more points (well one more point) than the OTNA’s. On the other hand, the Texans have to be the biggest in-season resurrection surprise so far. From 0-3 to 6-3 is no easy feat even against mediocre competition. Red thinks the Texans resurgent defense keeps this one close enough for the Texans to eke out a win on the road. Braves take the wrong warpath and end up in Delaware. Houston 24 Landover, MD 19.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – on Hiatus – Your Kick Ass Game of the Week – Falcons over Cowboys. This is the game most likely to turn into the dreaded field goal fest of yore. Atlanta 18 Arlington 9.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – Cardinals over Raiders. Well folks, it doesn’t get any smellier than this one. In fact, the fumes from this one are already driving Red to distraction and away from the old keyboard. Red thinks you will be entirely justified in unloading two shells from your Browning Superposed 20 gauge into the old 54 incher before halftime of this beastly BM battle. Even the emaciated and staggering ghost of Dead Al Davis can no longer complain at this point. The Gruden Raiders are a joke. Just make sure the wife and kids are off at the movies. Arizona 10 Oakland 0.
“There has to be a complete overhaul of the organization.”
Troy Aikman on the Dallas Cowboys (and a not so discreet smack down of Jerry Jones) a team that has won exactly two playoff games in the last 20 years, but equally applicable to the current state of the party formerly known as the GOP.
As Red has mentioned, he is perfectly okay with the Cowboys winning one playoff game every decade and they already have their win for the Teens when they eked out a come from behind win over the Lions in 2014.
Red was unavoidably called to other duty and had to skip Week 8. Normally Red only allows himself one ‘bye’ week, but sometimes life gets in the way.
So for Week 7, Red actually picked 8 games with a bonus 3 game Shit Bowl selection. Red managed to eke out a 4-4 record after having foolishly bet against the Patriots and non so foolishly the Texans and the Colts. That makes Red 16-22 for the season. Don’t head to Vegas just yet.
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Chargers over Seahawks. Two teams enter. One team leaves. Well, both teams leave. But only one team leaves feeling good about its prospects going into the second half of the season. In a common theme this week, the Chargers only losses are to the Rams and Chiefs which puts them in good company. Other than that they have beaten the weaklings (Browns, Raiders, Niners, Bills) and not very convincingly (with the exception of the beat down on the Browns). So is this a good team, or one looking for a place to fall? The Seahawks are more of a mixed bag with a fairly lame offense and the standard loss to the Rams. So this is your typical mid-season battle between two wannabe teams that need a win to stay competitive in their respective divisions which are headed by the two first-half powerhouses of the league. That’s what makes this one the GOTW. Enjoy the fireworks. Los Angeles 34 Seattle 28.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Texans over Broncos. The additions of Demaryius Thomas helps assuage the loss of Will Fuller V for the season but we all knew that was going to happen at some point. Unfortunately, the very talented Mr. Fuller cannot avoid the annual season-ending injury. On another note, just call Red gob-smacked that the Texans have managed to win five in a row after starting 0-3 with losses to the sad sack Giants and Titans. Meanwhile in the Mile High State, the Broncos have played a relatively tough schedule reasonably well. The losses to the Chiefs, Rams and Chiefs again are totally understandable. But other than the season opener against the Seahawks they have yet to beat a good team – and calling the Seahawks a good team is a bet of stretch right now. Calling the Texans a good team is likewise premature, but a win on the road and a 6-3 record speaks for itself. If that happens. Red won’t be surprised at the outcome either way, but slightly favors the Texans coming off a long rest week. Houston 24 Denver 20.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Patriots over Packers. Red has bet against the Patriots one too many times this season. He sees no reason to think that the Packers can stroll into Foxboro and beat a team that has a certain game plan, never panics and doesn’t make many mistakes. In fact, it is hard to fathom exactly how the Pats have lost two games – to the Jaguars and Lions no less. Meanwhile a 3-3-1 record is not going over well with the Packers patrons. And 3-4-1 will be even less palatable at the half-way point of what appears to be another lost season. Well at least you might not have Scott Walker to kick around anymore. New England 31 Green Bay 20.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Stealers over Ravens. There was a point in time when this was a game to look forward to. Alas, no more. Mediocrity reigns in the AFC Central and both teams exemplify mediocrity at the half pole. Watch if you must, but don’t say Red didn’t warn you. Pittsburgh 28 Baltimore 17.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Saints over Rams. This really should be the GOTW GOTW but it was the only game this week featuring a team (Rams) to play at least two time zones away. Anyway, few teams make it through the season unscathed. The Rams sit at 8-0 by virtue of blowing out the weak sisters (Raiders, Niners, Cardinals) and scoring just enough to beat the better teams by no more than one score (Packers, Broncos, Seahawks, Vikings). The 3 wins against the lamest of the lame were by a total of 83 points. In contrast the 4 wins over real competition were by a total of 14 points. The only anomaly is their 12 point win over what appears to be a damn good Chargers team. That’s what really good teams do – roll and smoke the smokeable and win the close ones. The Saints have played a tougher schedule to date with only the NY Football Patsies as a weak link and sit at 6-1 having reeled off six wins after the wild 48-40 opening loss to the Buccaneers. The slight time zone inverse humidity hex combined with the friendly confines of the Superdome may make the difference here as the Saints faithful will be whipped into a frenzy by the prospect of knocking off the clear NFC favorite so far. This one goes down to the wire. New Orleans 43 Los Angeles 38.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – Raiders over 49ers. A real no-brainer this week as the Battle of the Bay is more like the Battle of the Bowl (Toilet Bowl that is). The Raiders and Niners have combined to lose 13 games, a starting quarterback, the best defensive player in the league, a stand-out wide receiver, their last shreds of dignity, respect and the interest of fans. So what a Thursday night treat! Actually this game is what Thursday night football is all about – putting up a game on National TV that hard core football junkies will watch no matter how shitty the on-field product actually is. So hats off to the NFL front office for pulling this one over on a gullible population. Remember to turn off the car engine if you happen to be listening to this beastly bowel battle on the old AM Radio when pulling into your three car garage, lest ye be tempted to sit there and put an end to your football watching misery. Oakland 3 Santa Clara 2.
Red missed the opening week of the season due to unavoidable commitments and trouble with his Ipad. Be advised, however, that he would not have picked the Texans to win on the road in New England, but would have taken the Saints over the Buccaneers, the Chiefs over the Chargers, the Bears over the Packers, the Panthers over Cowboys, Jaguars over Giants. That would be a hypothetical 4-2, but it doesn’t count unless you tell someone about it. Red also doesn’t give any betting advice this week because it is too early in the season for accurate throwing away of hard-earned cash.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Giants over Cowboys. The Red Rule is back – and for you new readers out there, the rule is very simple – SCORE 13 POINTS AND BEAT THE COWBOYS. It only took 9 last week, but Red won’t quibble. The Cowboys’ offense looks truly terrible even with E. Elliott at full speed. Red has a funny feeling that Zeke may make him forget all about Steve Slayton (who as long-time readers will remember – Licks the sweat off a dead man’s balls!). It’s way too early to make that call, but here’s hoping. Other than Zeke and Cole Beasley, the Boys are devoid of weapons and unless Sean Lee is playing lights out – the defense aint much to write home about either. On the other hand, there are the Giants – led by tired old Eli Manning and relying on probable Rookie of the Year Saquon Barkley. The future ROY gets it done this week. New Jersey 14 Arlington 6.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Texans over Titans. Red likes Marcus M. but the dude cannot stay on the field and that may be a good thing this week as he would be relying on the shambles of an offensive line the Titans will trot out at home on Sunday. The Titans may be missing both starting tackles and all-world TE Delanie Walker is gone for the season – a real shame for lovers of excellent TE play like Red. If Mercilus, Watt and Clowney cannot tee off on this bunch – the vaunted Texans defense probably isn’t all that. Texans need a competent offensive performance – something that even Bill O’ the Clown should be able to whip up after getting gob-smacked in week one. This is probably a snoozefest for most of the game with a flurry of activity at the end. Houston 28 Tennessee 17.
Your Must Watch Game of the Week – Chiefs at Stealers. The Patrick Mahomes Show featuring Tyreek Hill and Kareem Hunt debuted last week to rave reviews. Episode 2 can be disappointing for a new series. However, with head writer Andy Reid in charge, Red expects new and exciting scripts with lots of drama for most of the season. This week’s episode has an interesting subplot with Travis Kelce playing a big role in solving the mystery of the Steel Curtain. This one has hit series written all over it. Stay tuned for more. Kansas City 44 Pittsburgh 28.
Your Overrated Game of the Week – Patriots over Jaguars. Normally, you might think that a matchup between the defending AFC Champs and a team that reversed about a decade of franchise futility last season would be an interesting watch. Not so this week. While the Patriots have the mirrors finely polished and the smoke machines pumping out thick dense dark smoke, it just doesn’t make for very exciting games right now. That they have two master magicians on the team doesn’t hurt but it doesn’t matter this week. Jags are overmatched and get another lesson in how it is done this week. New England 27 Jacksonville 17.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week Chargers over Bills. As you know, Red is big believer in the time zone hex and the reverse triple time zone, longitudinal inverse hex is very powerful. However, no hex can stand up to the mighty negative power of the Bills. Chargers are lucky to get one hex out of the way early while Bills are still floundering for a solution to the eternal problem – Why are we still living and playing games in Buffalo? Los Angeles 45 Bills 13.
And – This Week’s Shit Bowl – OTNAs over Colts. The Colts have to win a few games this year based on having A. Luck at quarterback alone. Don’t get Red wrong, he would not want the Luckster on his team, but he is a competent quarterback capable of beating the lesser teams. And while the OTNAs are a lesser team, they bitch-slapped the Cardinals last week on the road. So while it is a bit unfair to put them in this week’s Shit Bowl, Red is pretty sure that it will hold up by the end of the season. With apologies to Alex Smith, Red has them winning this turgid turd tussle. Landover, Md. 24 Indianapolis 17.
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