“However, there are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team’s goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the football occasionally.”
Red Rates Himself – Last week 6-0. For the season 14-4. Boy Howdy!
Your North by Northwest Pick of the Week: Seahawks over Lions. Matt Stafford better strap ‘em on tight for this one. Seahawks feast on immobile overrated quarterbacks who are 0-3 and desperate. Seattle has a chance to right the ship and post at least a 2-2 mark against the NFC North. Even with the Beast possibly out, the Hawks have just enough offense in the tank to win what may be a closer than expected match-up of two underperforming teams. All that said it would not particularly surprise or displease Red to see Pete’s Pack at 1-3 and looking at a long difficult road to January. Stick with the under on this one. Seattle 13 Detroit 10.
Your Suspicion Pick of the Week: Raiders over Bears. Is it wrong for Red to pick on the Bears for an easy one in the “W” column every week? Yeah, but remember that Red has been on the Raiders bandwagon since the beginning of the season. Latavius Murray is looking like an All-Pro so far and the Lil’ Carr-Amari Cooper connection is working well enough to have the Raiders in the playoff hunt already. Those are words that not a lot of your professional prognosticators are willing to throw around just yet. Red aint scared. Meanwhile, Bears could hardly look worse having been outscored more than 2-1 in their first three games while posting a mighty four touchdowns. Look for the Raiders to mop the field with the Bears on Sunday. Oakland 33 Chicago 6.
Your Psycho Pick of the Week: Jaguars over Colts. Needs no explanation. Jacksonville 17 Indianapolis 6.
You’re The Wrong Man Pick of the Week: Chargers over Browns. Reports are that 3 Browns players were complaining that John F. Football should be the starting QB. Reports also are that 50 other players vehemently disagree. JFF is definitely your man if you have a couple of wide receivers who can pluck his thrown up for grabs wounded ducks out of the air against an also-ran secondary. McCown is your man if you like consistent mediocrity and semi-competent game management. In other words, for the Clowns it doesn’t really matter who is taking snaps. Meanwhile in Chargerland, if their offense can’t exploit the Browns awful defense at home in the balmy warmth of Southern California, it’s going to be a long cold season. San Dieago 34 Cleveland 13.
Your Foreign Correspondent Pick of the Week: Jets over Dolphins. Red would like to see a game at Wembly someday, but he hopes it will be a Champions League Final with Barcelona and Tottenham Hotspur, not this week’s Shit Bowl (Red admits that he is uncertain exactly how to translate Shit Bowl into English English). Don’t let this one interrupt your Sunday morning coffee and bagel. Resist the temptation to pour that cup of hot joe over your head before you switch over at half-time to watch the Arsenal-Man U match on NBCSN. Wake Red up when this doleful dung duel is over. New Jersey 24 Miami 21.
You’re Notorious Pick of the Week: Falcons over Texans. Last week Red commented that if he kept picking the Texans he will eventually get it right. Well he did, but Red isn’t pushing his luck on backing the Texans. Falcons are looking very real and the Texans aren’t the type of team that exposes the underlying falsity of a pretender. Julio Jones is on track to be MVP – except that if he stays on that track – the award will go to Matty Ice. That’s just the way it is in the NFL. Texans’ defense continues to disappoint in all categories except perhaps giving up stupid touchdowns. That won’t do it against the high-flying Falcons. Atlanta 32 Houston 17.
Red is not picking the Cowboys/Saints game this week because Las Vegas has pulled the line. If the pros won’t pick it, then neither will Red.