Ted Cruz Speaks – Red Translates

Red loves his weekly email from Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas).  When “Lyin’ Ted” writes, hilarity ensues.  As always, Red translates for you – so you don’t have to.


This week, I continued to push back (disguised cleverly as flailing about helplessly and flapping my gums)  against President Obama’s unconstitutional (because only I can divine the mysterious intent of the founding fathers – so just trust me on this)  executive amnesty. Texans have witnessed the harmful effects of an unsecure border (made somehow less secure by the record number of interdictions and deportations carried out by the Obama administration – but those are merely inconvenient things called facts – wise folks would rather hear me make shit up, wouldn’t you?), which endanger the lives of citizens (who might have to clean their own bathrooms – full of germs I hear) and pose risks to American families (or horror of horrors – mow their own yard). The Obama administration  (terrorist sympathizing Muslim communists) must adhere to and respect the rule of law (just wait until I’m president and need to do something), rather than the personal views of the President (clearly a Commie) and what he thinks the law should be (because after all he was only Editor of the Harvard Law Review and a constitutional law professor and not a Supreme Court clerk like me – take that loser).

In an attempt to rein in the lawless actions (I hear it’s like Dodge City in the 1870’s inside the White House) of the Obama administration, the State of Texas (soon to be a sovereign nation if my supporters have anything to say about it) has championed the fight against the Administration’s 2014 executive amnesty (even though I was curiously quiet when W. Bush was trampling on the Constitution), and I am proud (a deadly but really satisfying sin when you have an ego that won’t fit into Capitol rotunda) to continue leading efforts (by running my mouth, calling my colleagues liars and alienating pretty much every other Senator so that they really don’t pay attention to anything I say) against the President’s lawlessness.

Please keep reading for an update on the latest in the Senate (if you have masochistic tendencies).

Keep Texas Strong (Your Canadian Pal),

Ted Cruz


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