Tag Archives: Presidential Campaign 2016

Texas’ Very Own Spineless Weasel from the Species bushpolitico spinoabsentata

George Pee Bush endorsed Donald Trump for President on Monday and urged other to vote for the man who had such nice things to say about dear old Dad JEB!!!!$$$$? (damn it feels good to type that one again!).  Here’s a sample.

“He’s a total stiff, Jeb Bush.”  Red has to disagree here as this seems to imply the presence of a spine – something demonstrably lacking in this species.

“Loser.” Hard to argue with that one in retrospect.

“The last thing we need is another Bush.”  Again, Red has to concede on that one – but shouldn’t George Pee be taking notes for future reference.

“Not a smart man.”  Trump nails it again. Red has it on good authority that JEB!!!!$$$$?’s college roommate referred to him as “the stupidest person I have ever met.”

“Here’s a guy, honestly, if he weren’t in government, you wouldn’t hire him to do anything, okay? If you had a company you wouldn’t even hire him.”  But wouldn’t the lack of hiring prevent the Donald from using his “You’re Fired” tag line. Oh well, sacrifices must be made for the greater cause.

“I don’t have a lot of respect for Jeb. Jeb’s a lightweight.”    Red assumes that “featherweight” is a bit too obscure.

“He’s a sad person who has gone absolutely crazy. I mean, this guy is a nervous wreck.”  Cue the violins.

And finally, the greatest insult of all.

“He’s an embarrassment to his family.”  Considering the considerable competition in the familial embarrassment category available from big brother’s track record of incompetence, Dad’s humiliating loss to Slick Willie and little brother’s shameful business dealings, Red can’t really imagine that anything worse could be said about JEB!!!!$$$$?

So what kind of completely spineless weasel, suck up, sycophant endorses someone who has said these things about his father?

 

 

Preview of Donald Trump’s Speech in Texas

Red cannot reveal his sources, but he has obtained a copy of the speech Donald Trump intends to deliver at his fund-raising events in Dallas, San Antonio, Houston and The Woodlands over the next two days.

Thank you, thank you for that great reception.  Thank you.  But really doesn’t a great person like me deserve a great reception.  Please stop.  You know, Joe Stalin had a policy that at his speeches the first person who stopped clapping would be taken out and shot.  Great idea, but you don’t really need that kind of incentive here in [insert city] to keep applauding for me.

First of all, let me make this clear. I don’t need your money.  I could win this race without spending a dime.  I don’t really want your money, but if you don’t spend it on my campaign, you might do something stupid with it like spending it on a worthless night school program that makes ridiculous promises and fails to deliver  –  like Hillary.  So since you are here, a check would be nice.  That is if you have anything left over after backing that Canadian loser Ted Cruz.

So let’s talk about winning.  You know I love winning.  I won a bunch of primaries and would have won more if that Canadian loser Ted Cruz had dropped out before I pummeled him into the dirt  – like I’ll do to Hillary.  There is going to be a lot of winning, victories, endzone dances and other celebrations.   I know you are tired of hearing me tell you that you will be tired of winning – but you will be tired – dog tired.  You will be as tired of winning as that Canadian loser Ted Cruz is tired of losing.  Ask him.  Hang around – he’ll be cleaning the toilets in the Men’s room after this speech.

So let’s talk about the Muslims – and I don’t mean Obama – even though he clearly is a Muslim, socialist, terrorist-sympathizer.  And you, know people – and I mean the worthless leftwing media –  say I am accusing the president of being a traitor.  Well let’s call a spade a spade – no pun intended.  I mean what has Obama done to take down ISIS other than bomb the shit out of them and kill off most of their leaders.  How weak can you get.   Those raghead, camel jockey, dune coons won’t know what hit them once I am president.

And here in Texas, you all know about the border.  I will build that wall and who will pay for it  [wait for it].  That’s right.  Of course, I won’t tell you how that is going to work and you’re just going to have to trust me here.  But that wall is going to be built and we are going to throw all of the murdering, raping, thieving illegal aliens over that wall and set up a free fire zone along the border.  You come across the wall – you get shot – think of Berlin in the 1960’s.  Who wants to shoot an illegal alien?   Yeah!

And what happened in Orlando – all because of our weak-kneed President who let this killer be born in our country.  It’s sad.  Because you know I love the gays.  I thought about being gay myself – but you’ve seen my wife.  Get real.  Like I’m going to let some leathered up dude poke me when I could be stupping that?  But I do love and respect the gays.  Where do you think I got this hair?

So when you go to bed tonight Texas, pray for me and for our country – but mostly for me – because without me this country is headed straight down the shit pipe.  Good night [insert city here] and God Bless!

What Greg Abbott’s Office Had to Say about Trump University

Our Poor Idiot Governor Greg Abbott has resoundingly endorsed Donald Trump for President of these United States.  But when his office investigated good ol’ Trump U back in 2010, it reached the conclusion that the whole scheme was a scam designed to fleece the gullible.   The Texas Attorney General Office’s investigation of deceptive trade practices at Trump University determined that the promises made to students were “virtually impossible to achieve.”

In the documents unearthed by a Democratic super PAC American Bridge 21st Century, Assistant Attorney General Rick Berlin stated that Trump University seminars  targeted real estate novices and promised “to teach these novices everything they need to know to be a successful residential real estate broker — in 3 days.”  But Berlin also noted, that in Texas, “to become licensed as a real estate broker you must have 900 hours of classroom instruction and 2 years selling experience.” Berlin also concluded that the information provided to students by Trump University “is essentially unusable,” and students “will be unable to recoup their investment in the course, much less make a profit, as promised by Trump U.  .  . . In addition to encouraging unlicensed activity (which is a misdemeanor in Texas), the course materials in a number of respects are simply wrong under Texas law.”

Apparently the AG’s investigation was enough to drive the Trump U hucksters out of Texas as the “University” stopped doing business in Texas shortly afterwards.

So kudos to OPIG for having driven a con man out of the state.  So exactly why does he want to bring him back now?  Does Red smell a vice-presidential hope in the air?

Big Whoop

Former Governor and failed presidential candidate Rick Perry endorsed Donald Trump.  And in a grand gesture of magnanimity to the presumptive GOP standard-bearer, Perry also noted that he would not be adverse to a vice-presidential nod.  No surprise there as Perry has spent most of his adult life slopping at the public trough and a vice-presidency would present him with a nifty lifetime sinecure.

Actually, Red thinks Perry might just be the perfect running mate for DT.  He secures a state that Trump couldn’t possibly lose if he named the Unabomber as his vice-president.  He can supervise building the wall and then DT can send him to the Distrito Federal to present the bill.  He can turn in another pathetic debate performance.  But who is Red kidding?  DT would never put someone on the ticket that has better hair than his ownself.

And at this point, does anybody really give a damn about what Rick Perry thinks?  Anybody, anybody, Bueller, anybody?

Lucifer in the Flesh!

Former GOP Speaker of the House John Boehner unloaded on Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) in an interview.  After calling the Texas Senator “Lucifer in the flesh”, Boehner kept going.

“I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”

Boehner also stated that Cruz would become president “over my dead body.”  Boehner is apparently still seething over Cruz’s promise that he could lead a government shut-down that would result in a repeal of the Affordable Care Act.  When it became obvious that Cruz was blowing smoke up the GOP’s collective pants and that he had little or no support for his cause in the Senate, Boehner and colleagues were left hung out to dry in the face of withering criticism.  What quickly became apparent to all was that Cruz’s ploy was nothing more than a chance for the junior senator to put his name out front and set up his run for the White House.  Cruz never had any intention of doing anything more than hogging the spotlight and running up his national name recognition.

For his part Cruz denied ever having worked with Boehner – another almost certainly verifiable lie from the lips of the Tea Party hero.

Meanwhile, Satanists were complaining that comparing Cruz to the Devil was an insult to all Devil worshippers.

 

The End of the Bromance between “Lyin’ Ted” and “The Donald”

The Texas Tribune adeptly chronicles the rise and fall of the bromance between Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) and Donald Trump.

Nine months ago,  Ted Cruz called Donald Trump “terrific.” Two weeks ago, he called the real estate mogul “a sniveling coward.”

It’s been an emotional rollercoaster for the two leading candidates for the Republican presidential nomination, with Cruz, a U.S. Senator from Texas, initially distinguishing himself last summer as the only candidate to fully embrace Trump’s unexpected bid for the White House. 

As other contenders fell by the wayside, the pair’s friendship first fractured and then died, only to be quickly replaced with an intense hostility.

In the words of Willie Nelson, “There’s nothing cold as ashes after the fire is gone.”

Ted Cruz Speaks – Red Translates

Red loves his weekly email from Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas).  When “Lyin’ Ted” writes, hilarity ensues.  As always, Red translates for you – so you don’t have to.

Greetings,

This week, I continued to push back (disguised cleverly as flailing about helplessly and flapping my gums)  against President Obama’s unconstitutional (because only I can divine the mysterious intent of the founding fathers – so just trust me on this)  executive amnesty. Texans have witnessed the harmful effects of an unsecure border (made somehow less secure by the record number of interdictions and deportations carried out by the Obama administration – but those are merely inconvenient things called facts – wise folks would rather hear me make shit up, wouldn’t you?), which endanger the lives of citizens (who might have to clean their own bathrooms – full of germs I hear) and pose risks to American families (or horror of horrors – mow their own yard). The Obama administration  (terrorist sympathizing Muslim communists) must adhere to and respect the rule of law (just wait until I’m president and need to do something), rather than the personal views of the President (clearly a Commie) and what he thinks the law should be (because after all he was only Editor of the Harvard Law Review and a constitutional law professor and not a Supreme Court clerk like me – take that loser).

In an attempt to rein in the lawless actions (I hear it’s like Dodge City in the 1870’s inside the White House) of the Obama administration, the State of Texas (soon to be a sovereign nation if my supporters have anything to say about it) has championed the fight against the Administration’s 2014 executive amnesty (even though I was curiously quiet when W. Bush was trampling on the Constitution), and I am proud (a deadly but really satisfying sin when you have an ego that won’t fit into Capitol rotunda) to continue leading efforts (by running my mouth, calling my colleagues liars and alienating pretty much every other Senator so that they really don’t pay attention to anything I say) against the President’s lawlessness.

Please keep reading for an update on the latest in the Senate (if you have masochistic tendencies).

Keep Texas Strong (Your Canadian Pal),

Ted Cruz