Red’s NFL Picks – Week 3

Well crap! Last week Red was 2-4 again, dragging season totals down to 4-8 which, let Red tell ya’, is a hole that is mighty hard to dig yourself out of. And those hanging on to Red’s Sure Bet Pick of the Week, sure lost their shorts and possibly their socks too.  So with trepidation in his heart, Red forges on undaunted by lack of success.

Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Cardinals over Bills. Red is going against the double forward time zone, obverse latitudinal, differential seasonal onset hex on this one.  But the Bills look truly lost and the Cardinals are coming off an absolute shellacking of what Red thinks is a pretty decent Buccaneers team.  Moreover, the Cards have weapons, while the Bills have wounds. After last week’s SBPOW, which had “Seahawks Blowout” written all over it – albeit in disappearing ink, Red is reluctant to call anything sure.  The line looks to be about -4 for the Cardinals right now.  If it drops to -3, jump on it.  Red also likes the under at 47.5.  Arizona 24 Orchard Park 14.

Underdog Pick of the Week – Lions over Packers. The foul odor of defeat is permeating the western shores of Lake Michigan. Something has happened to previously considered god-like A. Rodgers.  His all to mortal feet have been stuck in the permafrost for almost a full season now.  Since last November, the great one has varied between mediocre and terrible.  Rodgers has not posted a QB rating of over 100 in his last 14 games and his 3 fumble, 1 interception game against the Vikings last week made Texans fans start thinking – Hey, Brian Hoyer wasn’t so bad after all.  Don’t get Red wrong, the Lions suck and beating the Packers will not be easy. But that is why they are the UPOW.  Detroit City 31 Green Bay 17.

Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Giants over OTNAs.  For those who thought Kirk Cousins was the answer in old DC (or environs), Red asks – What was the question?  What will it take for our team to regress from mediocrity back to true suckitude?  What overrated QB can Dumbass Dan over pay this season?  How can we extend almost 25 years of playoff misery?  Where’s my head?  Answers to all these questions and more, next week.  New Jersey 29 Landover, MD 3.

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Bears over Cowboys.  For the record, Red is perfectly fine with Dak Prescott being the “new” Tony Romo.  That being the Tony Romo that will end his career having won all of two meaningless first round playoff games and having repeatedly choked his team out of the playoffs in December.  Chicago 13 Arlington 11.

Prime Time Pick of the Week – Saints over Falcons. Only because under this new self-imposed format Red has to pick one of the prime time games and he waited too late to blow it on the Texans-Patriots game. New Orleans 21 Atlanta 10.

Shit Bowl Pick of the Week – Dophins over Browns. Of all the games likely to offend Red’s olfactory senses this season, this one could be the most fetid of all.  Lock up all sharp objects and have some duck tape oven mitts on your hands if you dare to watch this terrible turd tilt, lest ye be tempting sever you carotid artery well before the two minute warning of this one.  Miami 3 Cleveland 2.

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