Red was so depressed after Week 13 that he could hardly brush the chips off his sweater and get off the couch. He had to take Week 14 off because of that and the press of other crap coming down the pipe. Anyhow, 2-4 in Week 13 dug that hole just a little deeper. Red is a sorry 33-37-2. Down but not quite yet out.
Sure Bet Pick of the Week –Texans tackle Jaguars. After saving the season with a win over the Colts last week, the Texans have the bye week that is otherwise known as having the Jaguars come to town. Texans now have the playoffs squarely in their sights and the Jags have the offseason and cheeseburgers in mind. The Texans running game is probably too much for the Jags 4-3 to handle and expect the T-men to grind it out on the ground and control the ball for most of the game. It won’t be exciting but it will be better than turning the game over to BO and the pathetic excuse for a passing attack that is the Texans offense. If the Texans aren’t tight, then the crowd could be headed for the exits to celebrate in the parking lot with about 12 minutes left. If the Texans are tight, it will get ugly at NRG. Red will bet the South 40 on the Texans giving up 6 against a team that seems to have their bags packed and ready to go. And whatever the under is – Red likes it. Houston 20 Jacksonville 7.
Underdog Pick of the Week – Broncos bust Patriots. The defending champions aint going down without a fight. Broncos draw a line in the sand and dare the Pats to cross. But not for a first down. This will be one mean and ugly tussle. Keep the body bags handy boys. Denver 21 New England 20.
Rivalry Game Pick of the Week – Raiders ransack Chargers. Derek Carr cements his claim to an MVP nod after these two old rivals meet. This one dates back to the very beginnings of the AFL in 1960 and they have played twice every season since with the Raiders holding a 62-50-2 edge and having won the only playoff game in the series in January of 1981. Raiders just have too much offensive firepower for the Chargers (no slackers either) to keep pace. Both defenses will be sucking gas by halftime. Will this be the last time that San Diego and Oakland meet? And who can really get excited about a matchup between yet another team from LA and the Las Vegas Raiders? Oakland 45 San Diego 37.
Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Buccaneers beat back Cowboys. Has the league figured out Dak Prescott just enough to make life fairly difficult for the Rookie phenom? If a relatively bruised and battered Giants defense can hold you to 7 points and those 7 points came on a blown defensive play, then just how good is your formerly high-octane offense? Probably not that good. Meanwhile, the seafaring criminals have developed a pretty defense if you ignore their No. 21 ranking against the run. But that does not account for the way that the Bucs have been playing for 5 weeks. Look for a couple of big plays as Jameis connects with Mike “I won a Heisman Trophy for Johnny F. Football” Evans. Two big TDs to Evans sink the Boys ship for a second week in a row and get all of Cowboy Nation wondering if Dak was a flash in pan and calling Romo, Romo, where for art thou Romo? Tampa Bay 21 Arlington 10.
Prime Time Pick of the Week – OTNAs outplay Panther. Red was raised on OTNA hate – back when he was a Cowboys fan and they were still the OTNAs but Red was not offended by their name. Red still hate him some OTNA (and now some Cowboy), but has to accept reality this week while still wondering what the hell happened to the Panthers who simply could not lose last season. Red aint got a clue. Landover, MD 29 Carolina 14.
Shit Bowl Pick of the Week –Browns best Bills. Red is picking the Browns to win. Red is picking the Browns to win. Red is picking the Browns to win. Red is picking the Browns to win. Say it as much as you like, it still doesn’t make sense. Duct tape all objects weighing under 5 pounds in place during the pre-game, lest ye be tempted to hurl them at your big 70” baby when you have been tricked into watched this turgid turd tussle. Cleveland 3 Orchard Park 0.