Red has now seen every Texans playoff victory in person as he had the good sense to be in New Mexico for last year’s 30-0 buttwhipping at the hand of the Chiefs. He would dearly love to be in Arlington on Sunday afternoon but will have to settle for hearing about the Cowboys game after playing golf (or possibly at the turn).
For Wildcard Week Red was 2-2. Only Red would pick a team that hasn’t won a playoff game on the road since 1957. That would be the Lions if you weren’t paying attention. Picking the Giants turned out to be a less than smart move. Red will not dis A-Rodg again. Onward and sideways.
Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Stealers slap Chiefs. What in God’s name was Ben still doing in the game on the second-to-last play of the game? The Stealers were lucky that BR was not seriously injured (and by Rotlessburger standards that means not in a coma or on life support in the ICU). The Stealers simply manhandled an inferior Dolphins squad as expected. The Chiefs will be a different story, but the ending looks the same. As one site puts it, the Stealers “look mean as hell” right now. Look at former Stealers linebacker and current assistant coach Joey Porter who was arrested for assault when he attached a doorman at a bar and topped that off with an aggravated assault charge when he got huffy with an arresting officer. When did the Chiefs last have a coach in a bar fight much less getting arrested? The Stealers are getting 2 in most lines. If that goes to 3, jump in with both feet. The O/U at 51.5 is somewhat surprising. Red likes the under here. Enjoy your NFL game of the week. Pittsburgh 27 Kansas City 20.
Underdog Pick of the Week – Falcons f#©k Seahawks. Matt “No One is Going to Mistake Me for Johnny Unitas” Ryan has one thing going for him this weekend. He knows how to beat the Seahawks in the playoffs. That is exactly what he did in 2012. Unfortunately for Mr. Mr. that’s the only thing he knows how to do. That’s his only postseason win ever. We do have a bit of recent history here as the Seahawks beat the Falcons (Red loves him and all-avian playoff matchup) 26-24 back in October. But Ryan threw 3 touchdowns against a much better secondary than the Seahawks are putting on the field right now. The Seahawks missing Earl Thomas is like Red going hog hunting with a BB gun instead of his 7mm mag. You might remember that just last week, Red made fun of Seahawks running back Thomas “Lou” Rawls and his season total of 349 yards rushing. After torching the Lions for 4332 yards or roughly 2.5 miles, Red takes it all back. All Hail, Mr. Rawls – last seen still shedding Lions tacklers somewhere near Butte, Montana. The Seahawks best hail Mr. Rawls because it’s hard to see them winning this one without a similar performance this week. , Red wants some of what Mr. Rawls is smoking or at least a contact high. Detroit 21 Seattle 20.
Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Packers pucker up Cowboys. Speaking of teams playing “mean as hell” consider the Packers. They lose their best non-quarterback player and big time playmaker (J. Nelson) to a cheapshot and still cruise to an easy win over the best all around defense in the league. Nelson claims he is going to play Sunday – fractured ribs and all. The Pack still have the best player in the game right now in Aaron Rodgers – and here Red must again eat crow. Rodgers was phenomenal last week. He should fare just as well against Red once pulled an interstitial muscle in his rib cage mowing the lawn and couldn’t get out of bed for a week. Red doesn’t belong in the NFL. Jordy Nelson does. Meanwhile in the Metroplex, the Cowboys have pretty much stuffed all comers not named the New York Football Giants this season with a rookie QB at the helm. A rookie QB that was the 113th quarterback taken in the 2016 draft – okay he was really the 15th. And to think it could have been Johnny Football. But Red digresses. Rookie quarterbacks typically have a hard time in playoff games. Dom Capers is no dumbass and he will make life difficult for Dak Prescott. Red predicts that before the game is over – Tony Romo attempts to ride to the rescue and fails miserably. Green Bay 37 Arlington 20.
Prime Time Pick of the Week – Patriots punish Texans. Okay by now you have heard that this is the biggest point spread since David v. Goliath (Red had David at 5-1 just in case you were wondering). Only around six times in the modern NFL era has a playoff team been disfavored by such a large spread. One of those times was in 1979 when the Oilers were huge dogs to the Chargers because they were missing Dante Pastorini, Earl Campbell and Kenny Burroughs. Guess what, they blasted Air Coryell and advanced to the AFC Championship game. It’s probably the second biggest upset in modern NFL Playoff history. Unfortunately for Houston fans it seems like no such surprise is in the works Saturday night. The Texans are 1-7 lifetime against the Patriots. Red was at the only Texans victory in the last game of the 2009 season and the Texans barely won even though by halftime Tom Brady was sipping a Crown and Coke in a Barcalounger on the sideline and some guy named Brian Hoyer was under center for the Pats. It still took a fumble recovery in the end zone by Bernard Pollard and three 4th quarter touchdowns for the Texans to pull off a win in what was a meaningless game for the Pats. It’s not like the Texans haven’t been competitive against the Pats at times. The Lost 34-31 in December of 2013 at Foxboro and in the first meeting ever on a Sunday night in 2003, Brady had to rally the Pats to tie the game with 40 seconds left before winning 23-20 in OT. But in the NFL, all of that is ancient history. The Pats have simply demolished the Texans the last two seasons. Are the Texans a different team than the one that got slobberknockered in September. Yes. But so are the Patriots – they have that guy Tom Brady – you know the one who sells magic pajamas (see above) and has a garage full of trophies. The Texans only win with at least 17 points scored or set up by defense and special teams, one long TD drive and one 75+ yard TD. If those things happen – and they won’t – the Texans have a chance. All that said, Red expects the Texans defense to keep it close for a while. But if it goes according to form, Red will be able to switch over and watch Have Gun Will Travel reruns by the middle of the third quarter. There are worse ways to spend a Saturday night. New England 24 Houston 11.