Benedict Donald Wants Your Money

As Red has mentioned, the Greatest Con Man Who Has Ever Walked the Face of the Earth (aka Pres. Trump) somehow got Red’s email and now regularly – and by that Red means at least 5-6 times a day – sends an email begging for money. The typical email is filled to the brim with typical con man hype and Red finds it hard to believe that there is anyone who would fall for such utter bullshit. But then again, Trump – who clearly appears to be a traitor to our country – is still polling in the high 30’s, so as usual Red is behind the times. Here’s one of the latest most “con manny” emails with Red’s usual translation.

Friend (and by that I mean “mark”),

What I’m about to tell you is NOT public knowledge (except to the 5 million other marks who got this same email).

I am hosting a very important event soon (if I find time between rounds – maybe at the turn I can squeeze in 10 minutes) and I’ve requested that YOU (yes You) be my VIP guest. You’ve always been one of our TOP supporters, (despite having never given me a dime) so I’ve decided to do something extra special (Ivanka show the man what’s behind Curtain No. 1)…
 

I’ve unlocked an exclusive DOUBLE-ENTRY (see it’s like a game show) for YOU and YOU ONLY (and the 5 million)!
All you have to do is contribute ANY AMOUNT (but it had better be a lot) or more (a lot more) and you’ll automatically be entered TWICE to win a trip (yep, game show) to meet your favorite President (Lincoln’s dead so I’ll have to do) at my upcoming event (no mask required).

This offer is ONLY for you, Friend, so please DO NOT share this. (and if you are stupid enough to fall for this you probably won’t).

TRUMP PENCE MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN


Double-Entry: Unlocked. Meet President Trump. Contribute Now.

Remember, if you win (in addition to some lovely parting gifts),

  • We’ll cover your flight (a $500 value)
  • We’ll cover your stay at a very nice hotel (Trump Ramada Inn)
  • You’ll get VIP ACCESS (Virtually Ignored by President)
  • You’ll get to bring a guest of your choice (as long as she is young and hot)
  • And, you’ll even get to take a photo with me so we can remember it forever. (for a small additional charge).

This offer expires at 11:59 PM TONIGHT, Friend, so don’t wait until it’s too late.

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