The very fact that Omarosa is a major topic of news and that the country is breathlessly awaiting her next revelation is proof positive that Trumpf – The Insult Comic President [TM] is an incompetent buffoon. Only a complete fool would have hired this person for a position of responsibility with access to the White House and anyone who did absolutely deserves what they get.
“I’m Your Puppet” by Marvin Gaye
A long distance dedication from Donald to Vlad.
Snap your finger and I’ll turn you some flips, I’m your puppet
Your every wish is my command
All you gotta do is wiggle your little hand
I’m your puppet, I’m your puppet
Kiss me with your Commie Lips, kiss me (with apologies to Ian Drury and the Blockheads).
Hey Shortstack – what you standing on a milk crate?
Supreme Leader, huh? I like the sound of that.
Five stars – one for each of my kids and one for every relative you’ve offed.
Vlad saw this and boy was he jealous!
That jagged line symbolizes me ripping up the Constitution.
Melania knows a good surgeon that can take care of the double chin.
We make a deal and there’s a McDonalds in Pyongyang next week.
Really – you like K-Pop too?
This is my tough negotiator stare – used before I totally cave in to save face.
“The 13 Angry (and unfortunately competent – unlike the Bozos surrounding me) Democrats (aka Traitors) (plus people who worked 8 years for Obama (aka the Kenyan Terrorist) (and maybe for that idiot Bush too)) working on the rigged Russia Witch Hunt (And damn, why did I associate with so many witches), will be MEDDLING (or as some would have it – doing their job) with the mid-term elections (my last chance at escaping the pokey before I exit stage right), especially now that Republicans (stay tough!) (and proud we are of all of them) are taking the lead in Polls (God Bless Rasmussen). There was no Collusion, except by the Democrats (and Manafort, Page, Papadopoulos, DJ, Flynn, Stone, Mikey – oh shit, this list goes on doesn’t it)!”(and if I keep saying that long enough people will believe it – pretty cool, huh?)
Calling Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Tex) a spineless weasel is truly an insult to spineless weasels in general. Lyin’ Ted has proven that he will say anything to anyone if he thinks it will result in the greater glorification of all things Ted Cruz. His latest attempt to curry favor with the Trumpian wing of the GOP is to write a hagiographic testament to Trump in the Time magazine’s new feature on the 100 most influential people of 2018. Ted practically falls over himself in praising Trump as a great leader. That same great leader that Ted called “utterly amoral’, a “pathological liar” and a “narcissist at a level I don’t think this country’s ever seen.”
Red defers to Lyin’ Ted’s expertise on narcissism. Oh hell, Red defers to Ted on the pathology of lying as well. Apparently, Ted was asked by Time to do the piece. He could have declined and no one would have been the wiser. But given a chance to suck up and boost his sagging popularity, Ted chose to praise the man who said his wife was purt near ugly as store-bought sin and his Daddy might have helped kill JFK. It takes an utterly broken moral compass to make the switch from righteous indignation to moral bankruptcy. And apologies to spineless weasels everywhere.
TRUMP: So I just heard that they [Nazi-loving goons of my FBI] broke into the office of one of my personal attorneys — a good man [he has covered up my shit bigly for a long time now]. And it’s a disgraceful situation [in other words enforcing any law that might reflect badly on the walking human filth that is willing to work for me]. It’s a total witch hunt [Damn, I wish I wasn’t surrounded by so many witches]. I’ve been saying it for a long time. I’ve wanted to keep it down. We’ve given, I believe, over a million pages worth of documents [mostly porn] to the Special Counsel [that incredible bastard].
They continue to just go forward [like there were actual crimes being committed or something]. And here we are talking about Syria and we’re talking about a lot of serious things [like how am I going to avoid going to the pokey]. We’re the greatest fighting force ever [since the New Jersey Generals anyway]. And I have this witch hunt constantly going on for over 12 months now — and actually, much more than that. You could say it was right after I won the nomination, it started.
And it’s a disgrace. It’s, frankly, a real disgrace [and believe me I know all about disgraces – Trump University, Trump Air, Trump Wine, Trump Casinos . . . I could go on but you get the picture]. It’s an attack on our country, in a true sense [l’etat c’est moi, after all]. It’s an attack on what we all stand for [the greater glorification of me].
So when I saw this and when I heard it — I heard it like you did [because I watch 11.75 hours of Fox News everyday]— I said, that is really now on a whole new level of unfairness [meaning they are going to find a lot of shit in Cohen’s office].
So this has been going on — I saw one of the reporters, who is not necessarily a fan of mine [imagine that], not necessarily very good to me. He said, in effect, that this is ridiculous; this is now getting ridiculous [okay, I totally made that up – but prove it]. They found no collusion whatsoever with Russia. The reason they found it is there was no collusion at all. No collusion [except for the Manafort thing, the Carter Page thing, the Greek dude thing, the Don Jr. thing, the Russian Mob thing, etc. not to mention the ongoing investigation]. This is the most biased group of people [they make those racists from the Sixties that I hung out with look like N-word lovers]. These people have the biggest conflicts of interest I’ve ever seen [Yes, everyday they come to work thinking – Gosh, I really should give this up and just love Big Donald – but then their damn devotion to the rule of law gets in the way].
Democrats [Commies] all — or just about all — either Democrats or a couple of Republicans that worked for President Obama [or traitors if you will], they’re not looking at the other side [again Commies and/or Terrorist Sympathizers]; they’re not looking at the Hillary Clinton [Bitch]— the horrible things that she did [winning the popular vote and all] and all of the crimes that were committed [jaywalking]. They’re not looking at all of the things that happened that everybody is very angry about, I can tell you, from the Republican side [Fox News Goons], and I think even the independent side [Alan Dershowitz and some guy in Topeka, Kansas]. They only keep looking at us [should have lost the damn election].
So we’ll be talking about it more [I’m on the phone with Hannity right after this]. But this is the most conflicted group of people I’ve ever seen [Really choosing between following the law and swearing allegiance to me shouldn’t be all that difficult]. The Attorney General made a terrible mistake [being short and looking like Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies] when he did this, and when he recused himself. Or he should have certainly let us know if he was going to recuse himself, and we would have used a — put a different Attorney General in [someone like Alan Dershowitz who knows how to suck up]. So he made what I consider to be a very terrible mistake for the country [again – me]. But you’ll figure that out.
I’ve been President now for what seems like a lengthy period of time [and let me tell you it seems even longer when you can’t even boink a porn star anymore]. We’ve done a fantastic job [we haven’t bankrupted the country – yet!]. We’ve beaten ISIS [Obama had nothing to do with that]. We have just about 100 percent of the caliphate or the land. Our economy is incredible [other than for those morons at the Kushner Company]. The stock market dropped a lot today as soon as they heard the noise of this nonsense that’s going on. It dropped a lot. It was up — way up, and then it dropped quite a bit at the end. A lot [A lot! Ask my broker. A lot!].
But that we have to go through that — we’ve had that hanging over us now from the very, very beginning [mostly because we’ve been crooked the whole way – but who isn’t?]. And yet the other side, they don’t even bother looking [except for the FBI and Congressional investigations but those are mere details]. And the other side is where there are crimes, and those crimes are obvious [someday I will actually tell you about them]. Lies, under oath, all over the place [and believe me I know about lying under oath – just wish I was better at it]. Emails that are knocked out, that are acid-washed and deleted. Nobody has ever seen — 33,000 emails are deleted after getting a subpoena for Congress, and nobody bothers looking at that [attempting to steal an election pales in comparison to deleting those emails about Hillary’s dry-cleaning]. And many, many other things.
Thank you, Rex Tillerson for your service as Secretary of State. You did a tremendous job gutting the State Department and spinning your diplomatic wheels in the mud – but you see here at the White House Game we demand fantastic. Anything less and before you know it – that beautiful White House door is hitting you in the ass. That’s the way it works here. But we do have some lovely parting gifts for you. Tell him Johnny!
A case of Elmer’s Glue – to piece the shreds of your reputation back together.
A signed copy of Vladimir Putin’s autobiography – read it, learn it, live it.
Dinner for two at the McDonalds of your choice – Big Macs only.
Souvenir fissionable material – courtesy of Kim Jung Un.
A vial of authentic Russian poison – use it as you see fit.
And a one-way ticket back to Losersville.