Category Archives: President Trump

Trump’s Speech in Phoenix

For those of you who missed it, here are some highlights – as always brought to you via Red Translates:

Hello,  Look at this crowd.  There must be 16 million people here including that Black dude behind me with the “Blacks for Trump 2020” sign.  You sir, are a great American because you love me.  Because you love me.

And those who don’t love me – what a bunch of pathetic losers. Sad!  Like Flaky Jeff Flake.  I just made that up – pretty good, huh? He likes to write books.  Books are for losers. I haven’t read a book since 10th grade and look at me.   And John McCain – he can’t even keep his ship out of trouble.  By the way, did you know that he spent six years in prison – that’s right prison.

But those who do love me, like Sheriff Joe Arpaio – they are the winners.  Nothing is going to happen tonight, but Joe – you don’t have anything to worry about.  I will be sending you a beautiful gift basket of Trump Wine and Trump Steaks when you are in the Big House.  Delicious stuff, let me tell you.  Maybe you will see Crooked Hillary and beat her up when you are there.

Okay, we’re in Arizona.  Let’s get to the wall.  We are building that wall.  A beautiful wall that will keep those murdering thieving rapist child beaters out of our country. The good people will still be allowed in – maybe next century.  If I have to shut down the government and people starve and die, I will do it because we must build that wall.  It’s really the only thing I know how to do.  Build stuff and stiff subcontractors.

Afghanistan.  You know I inherited a mess from the war that Obama started there.  Another Democrat war and we know that Democrat wars are bad.  And sad!  I am going to bomb the ever-loving shit out of those bastards.  I just got word that our bombing campaign has killed almost 500 civilians.  Isn’t that great.  If that happened in our country there would be rioting in the streets, but those dumb assholes just sit back and take it.  God, I love war.  Let’s hear it for our brave fighting men that I am going to send off to die to increase my favorability rating in the polls.  They all love me too and really want to die for me if will help me look better.

And the Media.  What a bunch of lying weasels.  Which is really an insult to all weasels.  You know how to tell the difference between a sack of shit and a bunch of NY Times reporters?  The shit smells pretty good by comparison.  Filthy disgusting vermin.  I went to better schools than them. I made better grades. I banged the cheerleaders and that hot English teacher.  They aren’t fit to lick the shit off my hand-crafted Italian shoes.  I hate the First Amendment.  If you see a reporter tonight, punch him in the nuts for me.

Okay what’s left?  Oh yeah, the Nazis.  I condemned the Nazis despite my German heritage. I know they love me – but who doesn’t? Can I help if it Nazis and white supremacists love me and take comfort from my words?   Everyone knows the Nazis are okay until they get riled up by those Antifa a-holes with their black clothes and clubs.  What do you expect a Nazi to do – sit back and take it like an Afghanistan villager?

Okay have I thrown enough red meat out tonight.  Yes.  Good, I really can’t pretend I care about you poor slobs for more than about an hour at a time, so I better get out of here.

God bless America. But more importantly, God bless me.  Goodnight.

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“You’re Fired”

Image result for steve bannon

Could not happen to a nicer Klansman.

Red guesses that Gen. Kelly put his foot down after Trump screwed the pooch in his presser this week.   Kelly likely told Trump – it’s Bannon or me and if I go your whole operation is headed back down the shithole.  Even Trump knows when he holds no cards and that having a Chief of Staff quit after 3 weeks would be more blood in the water.  So Bannon was history.  It remains to be seen how Trump’s hard core base of white nationalists takes this.  Hell hath no fury like a voter scorned.

Quote for the Day

“That White House is a real dump.”

President Donald Trump (said to members of Trump National Bedminster Golf Club where the President chooses to spend his summer weekends at great expense to the taxpayers).

Red can see how Trump thinks the WH is a dump and not up to his standards.  Trump has made a few other more detailed observations about our Nation’s Number One Dump.  Red shares a few with you:

Where are the silk-embroidered toilet seat covers with my face and MAGA?

We really  need some solid gold faucets and spigots to class this place up a bit.

Not to mention Perrier spouting bidets like we have at Trump Tower?

There is absolutely no room for the stuffed and mounted wild animal trophies of endangered species offed by DJ and Eric.

You expect Melania to make do with a 1500 sq. ft closet.  I take a dump in bathroom bigger than that at Mar-a-Lago.

You call this a kitchen – when it can only crank out 400-500 dinners at one time?

The oval office – not really all that oval! Fake news.

Didn’t Lincoln die in the Lincoln bedroom anyway? Sad!

Not surprisingly, it still reeks of Negro!

On the bright side, the lingering odor of Rancid Penis is quickly fading!

How Low Can he Go – in Texas?

As readers know, Red has tried to guess the bottom for Trump on a national scale.  Red has figured that 29% approval is about as low as Trump can hit because there are at least that many dead-enders who will convince themselves they are satisfied with this Reality TV Show Joke of a Presidency no matter what happens.   What Red never figured on happening was attempting to guess how low Trump would go in Dark Red Texas.   But even DRT is souring on the bombastic and ill-prepared Trump as leader of the land.   Turns out that Texans may not be quite as willing to follow Trump to the bottom as previously suspected.  Red doubts this will have any impact on state-wide elections in 2018 with the possible exception of Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) whose presidential campaign and subsequent toadying towards Trump (who directly defamed his wife and father) and current refusal to meet with constituents have revealed Ted as a craven coward interested in nothing but the greater glorification of all things Ted Cruz.  The remainder of Texas Repubs are waiting around for a Democrat to show up and get pummeled.

Texas Monthly reports that Trump is now under water in the last bastion.

According to a new Gallup poll measuring the average job approval rating over his first six months in office, only 42 percent of Texans approve of his performance. Texas is among 31 states across the country where the majority of poll respondents disapprove of the job Trump has done since the election, according to CNN. And the Lone Star State is one of ten other states where Trump’s approval rating has flipped after voting for him in November, joined by Indiana, Ohio, Iowa, Georgia, Florida, Arizona, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan, and North Carolina. The only states with a larger net loss than Texas are Michigan and North Carolina, and Texas is tied with Indiana for the biggest gap between Trump’s margin of victory in November and his net job approval—a difference of eighteen points.

Trump’s Presidency is a Biblical Miracle

According to the aptly named Luther Strange (which would make a great name for the evil nemesis of a lesser Super-Hero):

President Trump is the greatest thing that’s happened to this country. I consider it a biblical miracle that he’s there.”

A quote which puts Strange first in line for Red’s “Bootlick of the Year” award.  Strange by the way is the sycophantic senatorial replacement for AG Jefferson Beauregard ceSession.

 

The Most Awesome Song Ever Heralds the Beginning of the Trump Personality Cult – Make America Great Again

Red was privileged to see the beginning of the Trump Personality Cult.  It’s actually been longer coming than Red expected, but Trump is new to politics and you can’t expect him to have really starting heavy lifting on his political deification – what with all the winning and all.  It’s one thing to Tweet to your followers and have giant pictures of yourself on the wall (thank you House of Saud).  But to really get your followers whipped up into a Trumpian frenzy what do you need?  Some protestors to beat up? Satisfying, but no.  Some fake news to trash? Too easy, so no.  Some main stream media types to beat up?  Much better, but still no.  Some glamorous but necessarily incompetent family members to fawn over?  Well that’s helpful, but not quite enough, so no.

What you need is a SONG!  And here it is – Make America Great Again.  Soon every patriotic American will be waking up to this catchy tune on their iPhone.  It will be the cell phone ring tone of choice.  School children will be required to sing it after the Pledge of Allegiance.  And Red will be leading the charge to make it our new National Anthem.  Yes, Make America Great Again will live forever in the hearts and minds of our great white nation.  Because that’s what the Trumpistas mean when they’re talking about greatness.

Trump’s Mika Brzezinski Rant (cont.)

Before the iPhone was yanked from his hands, Pres. Trump was in the middle of several more Tweets about Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski.  Red has the exclusive on the other righteous invective Trump was getting ready to hurl:

And what about crazy Mika’s hair?  Can you say “bottle blond”?  No one gets to bleach their hair like that except Ivanka – who looks marvelous by the way.  Kellyanne – not so much.  #onlyherhairdresserknows

What kind of name is Brzezenski – it reeks of “Commie” to me.   Have you paid your respects to Lenin – Comrade Mika? #leftwingcommiestooges

I almost feel sorry for Joe being engaged to that bee-yatch.  But I hear he likes the “Pussy Whip” on his pie.  Sad! #grabitbeforeitwhipsyou