Category Archives: President Trump

“You’re Fired”

Image result for steve bannon

Could not happen to a nicer Klansman.

Red guesses that Gen. Kelly put his foot down after Trump screwed the pooch in his presser this week.   Kelly likely told Trump – it’s Bannon or me and if I go your whole operation is headed back down the shithole.  Even Trump knows when he holds no cards and that having a Chief of Staff quit after 3 weeks would be more blood in the water.  So Bannon was history.  It remains to be seen how Trump’s hard core base of white nationalists takes this.  Hell hath no fury like a voter scorned.

Quote for the Day

“That White House is a real dump.”

President Donald Trump (said to members of Trump National Bedminster Golf Club where the President chooses to spend his summer weekends at great expense to the taxpayers).

Red can see how Trump thinks the WH is a dump and not up to his standards.  Trump has made a few other more detailed observations about our Nation’s Number One Dump.  Red shares a few with you:

Where are the silk-embroidered toilet seat covers with my face and MAGA?

We really  need some solid gold faucets and spigots to class this place up a bit.

Not to mention Perrier spouting bidets like we have at Trump Tower?

There is absolutely no room for the stuffed and mounted wild animal trophies of endangered species offed by DJ and Eric.

You expect Melania to make do with a 1500 sq. ft closet.  I take a dump in bathroom bigger than that at Mar-a-Lago.

You call this a kitchen – when it can only crank out 400-500 dinners at one time?

The oval office – not really all that oval! Fake news.

Didn’t Lincoln die in the Lincoln bedroom anyway? Sad!

Not surprisingly, it still reeks of Negro!

On the bright side, the lingering odor of Rancid Penis is quickly fading!

How Low Can he Go – in Texas?

As readers know, Red has tried to guess the bottom for Trump on a national scale.  Red has figured that 29% approval is about as low as Trump can hit because there are at least that many dead-enders who will convince themselves they are satisfied with this Reality TV Show Joke of a Presidency no matter what happens.   What Red never figured on happening was attempting to guess how low Trump would go in Dark Red Texas.   But even DRT is souring on the bombastic and ill-prepared Trump as leader of the land.   Turns out that Texans may not be quite as willing to follow Trump to the bottom as previously suspected.  Red doubts this will have any impact on state-wide elections in 2018 with the possible exception of Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) whose presidential campaign and subsequent toadying towards Trump (who directly defamed his wife and father) and current refusal to meet with constituents have revealed Ted as a craven coward interested in nothing but the greater glorification of all things Ted Cruz.  The remainder of Texas Repubs are waiting around for a Democrat to show up and get pummeled.

Texas Monthly reports that Trump is now under water in the last bastion.

According to a new Gallup poll measuring the average job approval rating over his first six months in office, only 42 percent of Texans approve of his performance. Texas is among 31 states across the country where the majority of poll respondents disapprove of the job Trump has done since the election, according to CNN. And the Lone Star State is one of ten other states where Trump’s approval rating has flipped after voting for him in November, joined by Indiana, Ohio, Iowa, Georgia, Florida, Arizona, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan, and North Carolina. The only states with a larger net loss than Texas are Michigan and North Carolina, and Texas is tied with Indiana for the biggest gap between Trump’s margin of victory in November and his net job approval—a difference of eighteen points.

Trump’s Presidency is a Biblical Miracle

According to the aptly named Luther Strange (which would make a great name for the evil nemesis of a lesser Super-Hero):

President Trump is the greatest thing that’s happened to this country. I consider it a biblical miracle that he’s there.”

A quote which puts Strange first in line for Red’s “Bootlick of the Year” award.  Strange by the way is the sycophantic senatorial replacement for AG Jefferson Beauregard ceSession.

 

The Most Awesome Song Ever Heralds the Beginning of the Trump Personality Cult – Make America Great Again

Red was privileged to see the beginning of the Trump Personality Cult.  It’s actually been longer coming than Red expected, but Trump is new to politics and you can’t expect him to have really starting heavy lifting on his political deification – what with all the winning and all.  It’s one thing to Tweet to your followers and have giant pictures of yourself on the wall (thank you House of Saud).  But to really get your followers whipped up into a Trumpian frenzy what do you need?  Some protestors to beat up? Satisfying, but no.  Some fake news to trash? Too easy, so no.  Some main stream media types to beat up?  Much better, but still no.  Some glamorous but necessarily incompetent family members to fawn over?  Well that’s helpful, but not quite enough, so no.

What you need is a SONG!  And here it is – Make America Great Again.  Soon every patriotic American will be waking up to this catchy tune on their iPhone.  It will be the cell phone ring tone of choice.  School children will be required to sing it after the Pledge of Allegiance.  And Red will be leading the charge to make it our new National Anthem.  Yes, Make America Great Again will live forever in the hearts and minds of our great white nation.  Because that’s what the Trumpistas mean when they’re talking about greatness.

Trump’s Mika Brzezinski Rant (cont.)

Before the iPhone was yanked from his hands, Pres. Trump was in the middle of several more Tweets about Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski.  Red has the exclusive on the other righteous invective Trump was getting ready to hurl:

And what about crazy Mika’s hair?  Can you say “bottle blond”?  No one gets to bleach their hair like that except Ivanka – who looks marvelous by the way.  Kellyanne – not so much.  #onlyherhairdresserknows

What kind of name is Brzezenski – it reeks of “Commie” to me.   Have you paid your respects to Lenin – Comrade Mika? #leftwingcommiestooges

I almost feel sorry for Joe being engaged to that bee-yatch.  But I hear he likes the “Pussy Whip” on his pie.  Sad! #grabitbeforeitwhipsyou

 

 

 

Praises Left Unsung at Trump’s First Cabinet Meeting

At the first full-fledged Cabinet Meeting of the Trump presidency, the various secretaries, czars and other sycophants took turns praising the exalted leader in hagiographic style.  For a full analysis of the stomach-turning cabinet session cum personality cult worship service, take a look at the CNN coverage.  Meanwhile, Red has done some additional digging and discovered a few of the deserving praises that didn’t make the cut.   But stay tuned!

Mr. President, it is an honor to serve the undoubtedly greatest man to ever hold this office.  Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Roosevelt –  Pah!  To quote Jeff Spicoli, “Those guys were fags.”  Not one of them is worthy of licking the shit off your shoes – which are clearly the finest most elegant shoes that any President has ever worn on such perfectly proportioned and beautiful feet.  And as long as we are on extremities, I will note that the Presidential hands are perfectly normal- sized, fabulously manicured, graceful and exquisitely used to outmaneuver any other world leader in the old handshake department.  The visceral grip exerted by those extraordinary hands brings even powerful men to their knees who immediately acquiesce to the brilliance of your strategic thinking.  And these Adonis-like hands are perfectly complimented by the more than respectable bulge which emanates from finely tailored zipper region of the Presidential trousers –  which are made of the finest wool selected by expert tailors who were rightfully stiffed by you when asked for payment.  Those ingrate haberdashers should have been thankful for the opportunity to give their finest garments to one so divinely proportioned to display them for the world to see and admire.  Given the powerful presence of your manhood, it is no wonder that your children are such paragons of perfection.  The Donald Jr. and Eric –  who have so tirelessly worked to eliminate carbon-emitting large game animals who were destroying the planet and who have glorified your genius by their dutiful incompetence in business and charity.  Not to mention the lovely and elegant Ivanka.  And I think I speak for everyone present including Elaine Chao, Betsy DeVos and you most worshipful leader – when I say what a privilege and honor it would be to shtup her.  Not that any of us are worthy – except you – oh glorious and possibly incestual master of your domain.  And Tiffany – well oh great one, even your mistakes are magnificent.  But let us move on from such outward appearances.  The words, the words –  the words of the master.  Never a false statement, untruth or teensy white lie has ever emanated from the glorious lips of our revered commander. The truth and Donald Trump are one and indivisible.  Years from now, your sayings and wisdom will adorn the front, sides and back of our grandest public buildings.  Entire departments of our finest institutes of higher education will be devoted to Trump Studies and only the top students from around the globe (Muslim countries excepted of course) will be admitted to bask in the glow of your eternal brilliance.  Academicians holding endowed chairs (funded by admirable authoritarians) will insure that the flag of Trump will never be lowered or surrendered.  This will lead to a world-wide acceptance of the new religion of Trumpism.  And as in the days of Ancient Rome, Congress will inevitably realize that you – like Augustus Caesar – must be deified.   Magnificent temples will be built and sacrifices (primarily Democrats and illegal aliens) will be made to honor and appease you.  A thousand year reign of peace and prosperity (for the worthy 1% anyway) will come to pass in the wake of your glorious administration.  Which, by the way, shall continue well past 8 years when you are repeatedly re-elected by popular acclaim dispensing with the tired and antiquated notions of democracy which could only impede the glorious age –  the dawn of which we are privileged to witness.  And when the end times come and Jesus returns, you shall shove him aside like a Latvian president and personally preside over the final glory that must inevitably result from the divine plan which has made you our eternal leader.

Oh, and I almost forgot golf and the sweet swing and perfection surrounding your game.  Vardon, Jones, Hagen, Sarazen, Hogan,  Nelson,  Snead, Palmer, Player, Nicklaus, Trevino. Watson, Mickelson and Woods wish they had such a swing. It is such a privilege to watch the finest golfer to ever hold this office in action.  The professionals of the PGA are just damn lucky that you chose business and politics over what clearly would have been the greatest career in the history of golf.