Tag Archives: 2020 Election

Trump Begs – Red Translates

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No matter what insults Red hurls back at these emails from the Reality TV Show Joke of a President, they just keep coming. Here’s a recent favorite.

I need your help right now Friend (Sucker/Loser).

LIBERAL MEGA DONORS MAXED OUT contributions to Sleepy Joe and Phony Kamala Harris (When you got nothing – call ’em names) last month. They brought in $364 MILLION in August alone (HOLY SHIT!).

I’ll never be intimidated by these Radical Socialists (Soon to be Commies) and their dirty MEGA DONOR MONEY (But I can be bought off by my MEGA DONORS), but I can’t ignore that $364,000,000 in ONE MONTH is a massive amount of cash (At least 10 times my net worth).

The Liberals are funneling money (Like the Russians funneled money to my failing businesses) to their candidates at an alarming rate to try and take us down. They think they can intimidate us (Boy are they right) with their MAXED-OUT (I could put in the actual amount here but it would not be as impressive) contributions in the hope that they can buy their way into the White House (It’s only for sale by me). They couldn’t be more wrong (I’m actually scared shitless).

They may have Silicon Valley and HOLLYWOOD ELITES, but I’ve got something better. I have YOU (SUCKER/LOSER).
 

It’s the MOB (You know the US Mob – not the preferred Russian Mob that I deal with), THE MEDIA (Even those bastards at FOX News are leaving this sinking ship), THE HOLLYWOOD ELITES (God I wanted to be one of them so bigly), THE DEEP STATE (and the DEEPER STATE) and THE SWAMP (Anyone who disagrees with me) vs. YOU(SUCKER or LOSER – you pick this time). Let’s remind them that AMERICA IS NOT FOR SALE (Only my administration is for sale – and I’ll make you a deal on Melania if push comes to shove). This is YOUR COUNTRY NOT THEIRS (A house divided is really good for me).


With your help, I want to have our BEST ONLINE FUNDRAISING DAY EVER (Look it’s either pay me now or pay for my legal defense fund later). Your support is SO important that I’ve activated an UNPRECEDENTED 800%-MATCH on ALL contributions (the ultimate con-man come on – amazing how many fall for this) .

I’ve asked my team (Quarterbacked by Bill Barr) will send me a list of EVERY Patriot (Sucker/Loser) who steps up today (Does anybody run a grammar check on this crap?). I’ll be looking for your name, Friend (or Traitor if you don’t pay up). Will I see it (before the doors of the Gray Bar Hotel close in on me)?

Melania Speaks – Red Translates

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Due to exigent circumstances, Red can’t take you all the way through FLOTUS Melania (“I don’t care, do you?) Trump’s attempt to shore up support for the Reality TV Show Joke of a President and Husband last night. The speech delivered from the denuded White House Rose Garden in violation of all political norms and probably the Hatch Act was delivered in her typical Ice Princess fashion such that it is impossible to believe that she actually believes most of the utter bullshit coming out of her mouth. Here goes nothing.

Blah, blah, blah . . .

I want to acknowledge the fact that since March, our lives have changed drastically (it looks more and more like Donald is going to prison). The invisible enemy, Covid-19, swept across our beautiful country and impacted all of us (mostly old poor people of color so no great loss but I digress). My deepest sympathy goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one and my prayers are with those who are ill or suffering (from the bottom of my ice cold heart). I know many people are anxious and some feel helpless (because of the incompetent leadership of my husband). I want you to know you are not alone. My husband’s administration will not stop fighting until there is an effective treatment or vaccine available to everyone (unless he has a tee time). Donald will not rest until he has done all he can to take care of everyone impacted by this terrible pandemic (again making exceptions for tee times). I want to extend my gratitude to all of the health care professionals, front line workers and teachers who stepped up in these difficult times (but please stay away from me). Despite the risk to yourselves and your own families, you put our country first and my husband and I are grateful (but will avoid you like the plague). I have been moved by the way Americans have come together (despite my husband trying to rip us apart) in such an unfamiliar and often frightening situation (that we were warned about and completely ignored as long as possible). It is in times like this that we will look back and tell our grandchildren that through kindness and compassion, strength and determination, we were able to restore the promise of our future (and explain why grandma and grandpa didn’t make it). Businesses stepped up (and promptly closed up shop), and volunteers stepped in (to the big pile of shit my husband made of this). People were eager to share ideas, resources, and support of all kinds with neighbors and strangers alike (while waiving guns in the faces of the non-whites).

Growing up as a young child in Slovenia, which was under communist rule at the time, I always heard about an amazing place called America — a land that stood for freedom and opportunity. As I grew older it became my goal to move to the United States and follow my dream of working in the fashion industry (and posing naked for money). My parents worked very hard to ensure our family could not only leave and prosper in America, but also contribute to a nation that allows for (nice white) people to arrive with a dream and make it reality (by marrying a rich old pervert). I want to take the moment to thank my mother and father (chain migrants) for all that they have done for our family. It is because of you that I am standing here today.I arrived in the United States when I was 26 years old (and really damn hot). Living and working in the land of opportunity was a dream come true, but I wanted more (than posing naked for money). I wanted to be a citizen. After 10 years of paperwork and patience (and living on an expired visa), I studied for the test in 2006 and became an American citizen.It is still one of the proudest moments in my life, because with hard work and determination I was able to achieve my own American dream (again girls, he may be disgusting but he has money, money, money). As an immigrant and a very independent woman (read the prenup), I understand what a privilege it is to live here and to enjoy the freedoms and opportunities that we have (when you marry a sugar daddy). As first lady, I have been fortunate to see the American dream come true over and over again (not only for me but for contributors to my husband’s campaign).

For many years, I watched him grow concerned and frustrated (no nookie at home and no porn stars to bang), and I’m so proud to see the many things he has done in such a short time (who else could have chipped away at the very foundations of our democracy so quickly). America is in his heart (and his pocketbook). So while at times, we only see the worst of people in politics on the evening news (that’s really nothing compared to what I get to see at home), let’s remember how we come together in the most difficult times (to make a buck). And while debate rages on about issues of race, let’s focus on the strides we have made and work together for a better tomorrow for everyone (but mostly for rich white folks).

As you have heard this evening, I do not want to use this precious time attacking the other side because as we saw last week, that kind of talk only serves to divide the country further (I obviously didn’t watch last night). I am here because we need my husband to be our president and commander in chief for four more years (that way he can stay out of prison for four years, not blow his money on lawyers and who knows he may be dead by 2024 if he keeps wolfing down Big Macs). He is what is best for our country (what’s good for General Bullmoose is good for the USA). We all know Donald Trump makes no secrets about how he feels about things (and feels things like pussy). Total honesty is what we as citizens deserve from our president (am I trying to sabotage his chances with this line or do I really think you will believe whatever bullshit these guys wrote for me), whether you like it or not, you always know what he is thinking (and believe me it’s even more disgusting than you could imagine). And that is because he is an authentic person (not a robot despite rumors to the contrary) who loves this country (and how much he can line his pockets as president) and its (rich white) people and wants to continue to make it better (to scarf up more bucks). Donald wants to keep your family safe (we need consumers), he wants to help your family succeed (MAGA hats now only $25). He wants nothing more than for this country to prosper and he doesn’t waste time playing politics (again who wrote this shit?).

Trump Begs – Red Translates

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Red shares with you the latest from the daily onslaught of Trump campaign emails – with his usual translation for your EXCLUSIVE benefit. READ this today. DON’T WAIT. Act now and Red will match your reading pleasure. Let Red know that you stand with him. Okay, here goes:

“When children are [not in school] (you’ve got to wonder what the brilliant FOTUS actually said here – When children are not being taken hostage? – not being assaulted by school police?), they are missing more than just time in the classroom… (Absolutely correct – the US has gone almost 4 months without a school shooting – they are clearly missing the opportunity to dodge bullets) ”
– Melania Trump, First Lady of the United States

Friend,

Our First Lady is right (apparently really far right).

If schools around our Nation choose not to reopen soon (who knew we had so many sentient schools?), our children will miss so much more than just an education (see above) . The Invisible Enemy (okay people complained about my racist term for the virus so now I have a really clever new one – but the real invisible enemy would be my tax returns – good luck at ever seeing those) has already taken so much from our Country (I’ve obviously got to avoid talking about more than 100K that could have been prevented if I wasn’t such an imbecile – because it is so clear that I don’t give a shit about people and their silly little problems like unnecessary deaths. But what I really mean is that it has taken away my best shot at re-election) and we cannot allow it to take away our kids’ childhood too (soon they will be too old for even good ol’ Jeffrey Epstein).

As your President, I will not stand for that (I stand for the greater glorification of all things Donald J. Trump) America needs to get back on track (or my re-election is doomed).

It’s important that EVERY American (I almost choked on that one) comes together at a time like this to send a united message that SCHOOLS MUST RE-OPEN IN THE FALL (Again, my re-election comes first – the lives of your children are a such a small price to pay for another four years of my glorious leadership). I’m calling on YOU to make a public statement and add your name to stand with your President and our First Lady.

The Radical Left (the cancel everything party (Note from Red – Trump is apparently catching on to Red’s use of parentheses)) will try and keep our schools closed FOREVER (Where do I come up with this stuff? First, we claim that the schools are educating our children to by homo-loving Marxists and then I claim that Marxist homo-lovers want to keep the schools closed FOREVER – fortunately no one seems to pay attention to my BS). We need 1 MILLION signatures to show them where Real Americans (Democratic leftist pinkos need not apply) stand.

Thank you,

Donald J. Trump

Benedict Donald Wants Your Money

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As Red has mentioned, the Greatest Con Man Who Has Ever Walked the Face of the Earth (aka Pres. Trump) somehow got Red’s email and now regularly – and by that Red means at least 5-6 times a day – sends an email begging for money. The typical email is filled to the brim with typical con man hype and Red finds it hard to believe that there is anyone who would fall for such utter bullshit. But then again, Trump – who clearly appears to be a traitor to our country – is still polling in the high 30’s, so as usual Red is behind the times. Here’s one of the latest most “con manny” emails with Red’s usual translation.

Friend (and by that I mean “mark”),

What I’m about to tell you is NOT public knowledge (except to the 5 million other marks who got this same email).

I am hosting a very important event soon (if I find time between rounds – maybe at the turn I can squeeze in 10 minutes) and I’ve requested that YOU (yes You) be my VIP guest. You’ve always been one of our TOP supporters, (despite having never given me a dime) so I’ve decided to do something extra special (Ivanka show the man what’s behind Curtain No. 1)…
 

I’ve unlocked an exclusive DOUBLE-ENTRY (see it’s like a game show) for YOU and YOU ONLY (and the 5 million)!
All you have to do is contribute ANY AMOUNT (but it had better be a lot) or more (a lot more) and you’ll automatically be entered TWICE to win a trip (yep, game show) to meet your favorite President (Lincoln’s dead so I’ll have to do) at my upcoming event (no mask required).

This offer is ONLY for you, Friend, so please DO NOT share this. (and if you are stupid enough to fall for this you probably won’t).

TRUMP PENCE MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN


Double-Entry: Unlocked. Meet President Trump. Contribute Now.

Remember, if you win (in addition to some lovely parting gifts),

  • We’ll cover your flight (a $500 value)
  • We’ll cover your stay at a very nice hotel (Trump Ramada Inn)
  • You’ll get VIP ACCESS (Virtually Ignored by President)
  • You’ll get to bring a guest of your choice (as long as she is young and hot)
  • And, you’ll even get to take a photo with me so we can remember it forever. (for a small additional charge).

This offer expires at 11:59 PM TONIGHT, Friend, so don’t wait until it’s too late.

Former Texas Judge Jumps Republican Ship

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Former Texas Court of Criminal Appeals Judge and long time Republican office-holder, Elsa Alcala, has finally had enough.  Alcala who says she typically stays out of political discussion on social media apparently felt compelled to speak out regarding Trumph – the Insult Comic President’s latest racist rant.  On Facebook, Alcala denounced Trump as
“the worst president in the history of this country.”  Not holding back, the former judge indicated that Trump has an ideology of racism.

In an interview with Texas Lawyer, Alcala, who chose not to seek re-election in 2018, noted, “I have been thinking about this for years and I hoped things would get better but they never did. I did not want an ‘R’ next to my name anymore.”

Alcala also indicated that she would be voting in the Democratic primary in 2020 for the first time.

Quotes for the Day

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“Texans aren’t interested in typical career politicians, like Sen. Cornyn, who sell them out to corporate donors and powerful special interest. During his 17 years in Washington, Cornyn’s true legacy is being Mitch McConnell’s ‘yes man,’ leading the efforts to shred protections for over 4.5 million Texans with preexisting conditions, and playing a critical role in pushing for a tax bill that added over $2 trillion to the national debt and threatens Medicare and Social Security all while enriching big corporations who have donated over $9 million dollars to him throughout his political career.”

MJ Hegar, Democratic Candidate for U.S. Senate.

“We are, I think, no longer the reliably red state we have been.We are at risk of turning purple. And if we don’t do our job, then we could turn blue in the coming years.”

Sen. John Cornyn.

In Cornyn’s amazing rise from District Court Judge in San Antonio, to Texas Supreme Court Justice, to Attorney General, to U.S. Senator, he has never lost a race . Cornyn was smart in benefitting from a distinguished and calm manner, hoovering up cash from right-wing donors, and riding a historic red tide that swept Texas beginning with George Bush’s election in 1988.  As long as he could outfox the other Republicans in his way, his general elections have been cakewalks.  But JC now seems worried about 2020 with Trumph – the Insult Comic President – on the ballot just over his name.  Will voters who reject Trump just keep on rejecting Republicans down the ballot with Big John first in line?   Cornyn spent his first few years in the Senate focused on critical issues like flag burning and promoting religious bigotry and he seemed fairly harmless.  But he is now part of the entrenched GOP power structure in DC and can be frequently seen licking the boots of Mitch McConnell when he is not praising the glorious leader.