If Red could go back in time with the power to alter some events, Republican presidential history for the last 90 years or so would look far different.
- Red would make Donald Trump an actually successful businessman who didn’t need to run for president to pump up his failing brand. Alternatively, he would have Trump successfully prosecuted for tax fraud, bank fraud, wire fraud and sexual assault of a minor. Somehow that sounds better now.
- Red would make George W. Bush the Commissioner of Major League Baseball – a job he might actually have done well at.
- Red would have George H.W. Bush win his attempt to become a U.S. Senator and be satisfied there.
- Red would make sure that Ronald Reagan won two Academy Awards (one for Best Actor and one for Best Actor in a Supporting Role) so that he would have never left Hollywood for the political realm.
- Red would make Gerald Ford an NFL Head Coach or at least a defensive coordinator.
- Red isn’t sure what he could do about Nixon other than have someone bitch slap Eisenhower every time his name came up.
- Red would have Eisenhower run for President as a Democrat.
- Red would leave Herbert Hoover alone. He set things up pretty well for Roosevelt.