Groveling Mike’s Last Shred of Decency

Mike Pence didn’t have much going for him before Trump picked him out of the crowd. The good citizens of Indiana were fed up with his incompetence. He was likely headed back to being a C-List radio talk show wingnut. But in order to play to the Evangelical base of the Trumpian party, the Reality TV Show Joke of a President decided to select Mike. Give Trump his due. He has an uncanny ability to sense the complete lack of spine and cowardice in a person. He needed Groveling Mike as an unquestioning cheerleader for his ego. Curiously, for a few days, GM had been quiet. But no longer. Among the more than 65 emails that Red has received from Trump and members of the Trump Crime Family, there was this gem from good ol’ Groveling Mike. As usual, Red translates for his readers.

Joe,

Democrats have made it clear they’d rather destroy our Nation (by voting – can you believe the audacity?) than have four more years of our President’s incredible leadership (aka the Fourth Reich).

The stakes (Trump Steaks no longer available) have never been higher (cause if he loses, he’s going to jail), which is why I’m reaching out to you (begging) right now with an urgent request.

We need your help to ensure we have the proper resources (Lord knows Trump aint spending his money on this ratfuckery) to protect the Election (paying lawyers to lie to judges and violate every ethical norm costs more than you would think). The Left wants to undermine this Election (by winning), and we need YOU to FIGHT BACK (instructions on armed insurrection to follow)!

DEFEND the Election and increase your impact by 1000% (and we will provide you with a complimentary Ginsu Knife to commit Hari-Kari to show your loyalty to Trump after he loses).

President Trump and I are counting on you now more than ever (I don’t want to go back to having to listen to and placate right-wing zanies on the radio – I’m telling you it sucks the life right out of you). The American People (setting aside the 75 million who corruptly voted for Biden) want FOUR (or Insert Number of Your Choice Here) MORE YEARS of our President.

Will you step up and FIGHT for your President (money now, guns later)?

Contribute IMMEDIATELY to stand with us and to DEFEND the integrity of our Election (by subverting the will of the voters – also notice how I have provided absolutely nothing but empty rhetoric to support my claim of fraud. I learned this from Limbaugh.).

Thank you,

Mike Pence
Vice President of the United States (Resume Available Upon Request)

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