Red isn’t waiting for the outcome of the big MNF showdown between the fast-fading Patriots and the sad sack Jets because it doesn’t really matter who wins the Shit Bowl Game of the Week. It was an interesting weekend to say the least and Red celebrated by not watching any games until Sunday night when he happened to flip by the Saints-Buccaneers game to enjoy a few minutes of what may be the last gasp of two all-time NFL greats in Brees and Brady. Brees’ last gasp was of pure oxygen which may get him through the season. In contrast, Brady looked like he was hooked up to the exhaust pipe of a 73 Ford Pinto.

Red’s Top Ten

1. Pittsburgh Stealers. Red has repeatedly written that the Stealers time at the top may be coming to an end. It almost did on Sunday at the hands of the lowly Cowboys led by a 4th string quarterback. Poor play, bad coaching decisions and a general malaise contributed to an underwhelming performance. But when you are the only undefeated team in the league, you get to stay on top.
2. Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs hung on by the lace of a pigskin in beating back a hungry Panthers team. Teddy Bridgewater is looking very much like the player Red expected he would be when drafted with the last pick of the first round. But the Chiefs have the miracle worker in Patrick Mahomes who is surrounded by an awesome amount of talent and a pretty good defense.
3. Buffalo Bills. Josh Allen is getting serious run for league MVP and deservedly so. The Bills dismantled the smoking rubble of the Seahawks defense on Sunday and should now have the attention of everyone in the AFC as a legitimate title contender.
4. Baltimore Ravens. As previously noted, the Ravens lost to the Stealers and Chiefs and beat up the weaklings. That is until Sunday when they beat a decent Colts squad. It doesn’t get easier for a while.
5. Seattle Seahawks. Still probably the class of the NFC despite a horrific defense. That aint saying much as Red figures 4-5 AFC teams could have their way with Seattle. Can Russell Wilson and his crew carry the Seahawks over the line by scoring 35 points a game? Maybe.
6. New Orleans Saints. It makes a bit of statement when you completely carpet bomb a team that a lot of folks are picking to play for the NFC title. The Buccaneers were never in this game. Drew Brees will be sitting on the porch in his dotage still thinking about this one. Tom Brady looked tired and old in getting pummeled by the Saints defense.
7. Tennessee Titans. Beating a good Bears team after an understandable close loss to the Stealers and an inexplicable loss to the Bengals gets the Titans back in Red’s good graces. Still on track to win the AFC South. They face the Colts, Ravens and Colts this month. Check back with Red after that.
8. Green Bay Packers. Still relevant after all these years. Call Red surprised.
9. Miami Dolphins. Call Red astonished. The Dolphins look playoff bound right now despite having changed quarterbacks in mid-stream. Beating the Cardinals was a statement win.
10. Arizona Cardinals. Red’s favorite is fading. See above. The next two games against the Bills and Seahawks will determine their fate.

Hanging Around

The Browns are itching to take spot No. 10 away from the Cardinals.

The Rams are pissed at Red’s lack of respect.

The Colts aren’t dead yet.

The Bears aren’t hibernating yet.

The Raiders, however, are probably living on borrowed time.

The Dregs of the League

1. New Jersey Jets. Even if they beat the Patriots, Red might still have them here.
2. New York Giants. Playing like they were owned by Donald Trump – Almighty Destroyer of professional football leagues!
3. Dallas Cowboys. Not going down without a fight – but going down.
4. Washington FT. Fucking Terrible? Frightfully Turdlike? Fatefully Trumpian? Farting Turtles? You pick.
5. Jacksonville Jaguars. Red almost forgets this team exists.