Tag Archives: Conspiracy Theory

Jade Helm 15 is Here – Run

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Well today is the day that the right-wing conspiracy theory Tea Party whackos have been waiting for.  The Feds are finally here to round up your women, children and most importantly guns.  That is, if they just don’t kill you right off the bat and haul your carcass away in a Blue Bell Ice Cream truck.  Yep, that’s the latest theory.  The Army will be using the obviously underutilized refrigerated trucks to transport bodies of those on the “Red List” to other undisclosed sites for – well it’s not really clear what for.  Or the whole thing is a cover up to put troops in place for the giant asteroid that is going to strike the southwest in September.  Or the gurus of Russian mind control are going to convert everyone into a Democrat.  Or maybe the Army is going to use the Russian troops spotted in Tennessee to do the dirty work of rounding up and killing the real patriots of the Tea Party.  Or after the jack-booted troops establish control, Obama is going to fly into Phoenix, personally pistol whip Jan Brewer and declare himself Emperor for Life.  Or maybe it’s just an Army training exercise.

Countdown to Jade Helm, Cont. – Or How Obama is Coming to Take Away our Women, Children and Most Importantly Guns

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Conservative Paranoia over Jade Helm has not subsided according to a recent article in the Washington Post.   For some reason Bastrop continues to be the epicenter for the conspiracy theorist wackos convinced that Obama is coming for them – as if he didn’t have more important things on his plate.  Anyhow, the stalwarts of the Bastrop Republican Party apparently remains convinced that they have but days to live in a free society before the jack booted thugs (read U.S. Military) of the Federal government crack down.  Fortunately, not everyone in Bastrop is bat shit crazy.

The office of the Bastrop County Republican Party is in an old lumber mill on Main Street, with peeling brown paint and a sign out front that captures the party’s feelings about the Obama administration: “WISE UP AMERICA!”

Inside, county Chairman Albert Ellison pulled out a yellow legal pad on which he had written page after page of reasons why many Texans distrust President Obama, including the fact that, “in the minds of some, he was raised by communists and mentored by terrorists.”

So it should come as no surprise, Ellison said, that as the U.S. military prepares to launch one of the largest training exercises in history later this month, many Bastrop residents might suspect a secret Obama plot to spy on them, confiscate their guns and ultimately establish martial law in one of America’s proudly free conservative states.

They are not “nuts and wackos. They are concerned citizens, and they are patriots,” Ellison said of his suspicious neighbors. “Obama has really painted a portrait in the minds of many conservatives that he is capable of this sort of thing.”

Across town at the Bastrop County Courthouse, such talk elicits a weary sigh from County Judge Paul Pape, the chief official in this county of 78,000 people. Pape said he has tried to explain to folks that the exercise, known as Jade Helm 15, is a routine training mission that poses no threat to anyone. . . . “I’m sensitive to the fact that some of our Bastrop residents are concerned, and I’m confident that they are very sincere about their concerns,” Pape said. “But how did we get to this point in our country?”

How indeed?

Get Your Conspiracy Theory Here – Hot Off the Press. Oh, and The End Times are Near by the Way.

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The Express links Jade Helm 15 with the asteroid that is coming to wipe out humanity in late September.  Apparently, the U.S. government is training the troops to deal with the panic and chaos that will occur when a planet killer hits at the end of the summer. And the Large Hadron Collider is going to create a black hole that I guess will attract the asteroid.   But, if it really is a planet killer . . . oh never mind.  Just read and enjoy.

The Inmates are Running the GOP Asylum

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The embarrassing fallout from the Jade Helm 15 conspiracy theorists of the Texas Tea Party continues to mount.  The International Business Times reports that 32% of GOP primary voters nationwide actually believe that Jade Helm 15 is a secret plot of the federal government to take over Texas.

Hey morons, listen up!  In case you hadn’t noticed, the federal government already controls Texas and has for over 150 years now and has over 50,000 troops stationed here to boot.  We tried to secede once and it didn’t work.  And if the number is 32% nationwide, one can only imagine what it is in Texas since this is the nest.  What is troubling is that these are the people that have an outsized say in how this state is governed since winning the GOP primary is tantamount to election in any statewide office.  Unbelievable.

A conspiracy theory that the U.S. military is plotting to invade Texas and impose martial law has gained some traction among Republicans. A poll by Public Policy Polling released on Wednesday found that 32 percent of GOP primary voters nationwide believe that the federal government is in fact trying to take over Texas.

The conspiracy centers on an exercise the Department of Defense is planning to conduct, known as Jade Helm 15, across several Southwestern states including Texas. It’s not uncommon for the Pentagon to conduct practice missions with troops, but this one is large-scale and meant to simulate entering a hostile country.

Pointing to briefing documents the military had provided the public to explain the exercise, a group of conspiracy theorists began arguing that it wasn’t an exercise at all, but an excuse for the military to deploy troops in order to take over Texas, seize guns, arrest political opponents and impose martial law. The conspiracy theories gained more traction after Texas Gov. Greg Abbott vowed to send the Texas State Guard to monitor the U.S. military’s movements. And Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, who is running for president, was criticized for further stoking the fire after he asked the Pentagon to clarify their intentions and said the concern was justified because no one trusts the administration.

But it didn’t appear to give Cruz a boost among those who believe the conspiracy theory. Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was leading among the Texas-takeover believers, winning 23 percent of that constituency compared with Cruz’s 18 percent.  

Well, there is a silver lining.  At least Ted Cruz is not benefitting from pandering to these nut jobs.  One can only imagine the anguished looks of disappointment on the faces of these fools, when they realize that the jack-booted thugs of the federal government haven’t actually come to take away their women, children and most importantly guns.