With all the hubbub, hoo-hah, and general commotion surrounding Dr. Ben Carson’s claim to have stabbed someone as a youth, Red anticipates that the other presidential hopefuls on the GOP side may feel compelled to come up with their anecdotes showing how they have risen from their troubled past and become the better person for it.
Rand Paul – Once refused to tip his hairdresser when she cut his hair too short.
Ted Cruz – Never killed anyone himself, but his Dad Rafael, was part of team of assassins who were dispatched to kill deposed Cuban dictator Fulgencio Bautista but were thwarted when FB had the impertinence to die of a heart attack just days before the planned assassination. Ted himself did once unleash a brutal tongue lashing that reduced a first grade classmate to quivering jelly after cutting in front of Ted in the boy’s restroom. Ted really had to pee very badly.
Jeb!!!!$$$$? – Whacked a fraternity brother up side of the head with a pledge paddle when he refused to give Jeb!!!!$$$$? a copy of an old Econ 101 final. Jeb!!!!$$$$? made a C.
Marco Rubio – Tried to attack a convenience store clerk with a switchblade. Luckily, it was only Marco’s switchblade comb.
Carly Fiorina – Too many school yard cat fights to pick out one in particular.
Donald Trump – Paid local toughs to beat up kid who made fun of his hair. This happened more than once.
John Kasich – Food fight in the men’s locker room at his country club. Couldn’t get a decent tee time for several months.
Chris Christie – Sat on little brother until he forked over allowance.
Mike Huckabee – Body slammed gay man in the mosh pit.
Bobby Jindal – Peed in neighbor’s back yard.