Trumph – the Insult Comic President™ was in rare form the other night in North Dakota and the NoDaks in attendance were served up mostly a lot of talk about crowd size.
Let’s Start with Crowd Size Remarks:
I wish we could have had this stage back about 100 yards (then I wouldn’t have to be so close to so many smelly farmers). You’d see how many people. This place is packed (and smelly). Always, always, always talk about how this crowd is big and it could have been bigger (because bigness is bigly big-time important). This place is packed. The only thing more packed is outside, trying to get in. (take my word for it – people are being crushed to death trying to get in – but they are dying happy.) You know, we had the chance for a 24,000-seat arena (somewhere in Canada I think). And we should have taken it. (can I get a B, can I get an I, can I get a – um – never mind).
If crooked Hillary (never giving that one up because I know some crooked) would have won this election, and if she came here, which is about a 0% chance (you know, smelly), after the election she’d have 200 people in a conference room in a small hotel (owned by me). And I wish those cameras (but of course they are controlled by the scum-sucking enemies of “the people” – meaning me) would circle the room to see how many thousands of people are here (again bigly important), because, you know, on the screen I look — and all you see are those few beautiful, wonderful people (a few of whom don’t smell) — I don’t know who the hell I — but you’ve got a nice group over there (what am I even talking about – sometimes I don’t know). I know you have Mike and some others. They’re going to be so famous (and that folks is what it is all about). They never take those cameras off my face (it is the most handsome face in the world after all). Look at all the women (I once had a farm girl thing before my super-model phase).
And then Move on to His Brilliance:
Oh, I am so smart (so smart that I have to repeatedly tell you how smart I am). I am the smartest person (Euclid, Aristotle, Descartes, Newton, Rousseau, Jefferson, Einstein, Churchill, etc. – not fit to lick the shit off my shoes). My uncle was a great professor at MIT for 40 years. Can you believe? Forty years. I said, ‘But I’m smarter than him (I mean how much did he get paid). I’m smarter than anybody.’ (My IQ is like 2500).
And hurl a few insults – because after all that is what he does best:
I meet these people (okay they smell better than you). They call them the elite. These people. I look at them. I say, ‘That’s elite?’ (let me tell you – elite is having a naked super model in your bed). We got more money (the only thing that matters). We got more brains (see above – and now I’m thinking my IQ may actually be north of 3000). We got better houses (money), apartments (money). We got nicer boats (money). We’re smarter than they are (okay at least 3500). And they say, ‘The elite.” We are the super elite (we meaning me – most of you are pathetic losers – but what’s a conman without a ready supply of pathetic losers?).