Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Praises Left Unsung at Trump’s First Cabinet Meeting

At the first full-fledged Cabinet Meeting of the Trump presidency, the various secretaries, czars and other sycophants took turns praising the exalted leader in hagiographic style.  For a full analysis of the stomach-turning cabinet session cum personality cult worship service, take a look at the CNN coverage.  Meanwhile, Red has done some additional digging and discovered a few of the deserving praises that didn’t make the cut.   But stay tuned!

Mr. President, it is an honor to serve the undoubtedly greatest man to ever hold this office.  Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Roosevelt –  Pah!  To quote Jeff Spicoli, “Those guys were fags.”  Not one of them is worthy of licking the shit off your shoes – which are clearly the finest most elegant shoes that any President has ever worn on such perfectly proportioned and beautiful feet.  And as long as we are on extremities, I will note that the Presidential hands are perfectly normal- sized, fabulously manicured, graceful and exquisitely used to outmaneuver any other world leader in the old handshake department.  The visceral grip exerted by those extraordinary hands brings even powerful men to their knees who immediately acquiesce to the brilliance of your strategic thinking.  And these Adonis-like hands are perfectly complimented by the more than respectable bulge which emanates from finely tailored zipper region of the Presidential trousers –  which are made of the finest wool selected by expert tailors who were rightfully stiffed by you when asked for payment.  Those ingrate haberdashers should have been thankful for the opportunity to give their finest garments to one so divinely proportioned to display them for the world to see and admire.  Given the powerful presence of your manhood, it is no wonder that your children are such paragons of perfection.  The Donald Jr. and Eric –  who have so tirelessly worked to eliminate carbon-emitting large game animals who were destroying the planet and who have glorified your genius by their dutiful incompetence in business and charity.  Not to mention the lovely and elegant Ivanka.  And I think I speak for everyone present including Elaine Chao, Betsy DeVos and you most worshipful leader – when I say what a privilege and honor it would be to shtup her.  Not that any of us are worthy – except you – oh glorious and possibly incestual master of your domain.  And Tiffany – well oh great one, even your mistakes are magnificent.  But let us move on from such outward appearances.  The words, the words –  the words of the master.  Never a false statement, untruth or teensy white lie has ever emanated from the glorious lips of our revered commander. The truth and Donald Trump are one and indivisible.  Years from now, your sayings and wisdom will adorn the front, sides and back of our grandest public buildings.  Entire departments of our finest institutes of higher education will be devoted to Trump Studies and only the top students from around the globe (Muslim countries excepted of course) will be admitted to bask in the glow of your eternal brilliance.  Academicians holding endowed chairs (funded by admirable authoritarians) will insure that the flag of Trump will never be lowered or surrendered.  This will lead to a world-wide acceptance of the new religion of Trumpism.  And as in the days of Ancient Rome, Congress will inevitably realize that you – like Augustus Caesar – must be deified.   Magnificent temples will be built and sacrifices (primarily Democrats and illegal aliens) will be made to honor and appease you.  A thousand year reign of peace and prosperity (for the worthy 1% anyway) will come to pass in the wake of your glorious administration.  Which, by the way, shall continue well past 8 years when you are repeatedly re-elected by popular acclaim dispensing with the tired and antiquated notions of democracy which could only impede the glorious age –  the dawn of which we are privileged to witness.  And when the end times come and Jesus returns, you shall shove him aside like a Latvian president and personally preside over the final glory that must inevitably result from the divine plan which has made you our eternal leader.

Oh, and I almost forgot golf and the sweet swing and perfection surrounding your game.  Vardon, Jones, Hagen, Sarazen, Hogan,  Nelson,  Snead, Palmer, Player, Nicklaus, Trevino. Watson, Mickelson and Woods wish they had such a swing. It is such a privilege to watch the finest golfer to ever hold this office in action.  The professionals of the PGA are just damn lucky that you chose business and politics over what clearly would have been the greatest career in the history of golf.

Hillary Clinton Needs to Shut the F#(k Up

In a seemingly never-ending campaign to attribute her loss to Trump to everything but herself and her pathetic campaign that snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, Hillary continues to find new grist for the blame mill.  Red thinks it is beyond high time that Hillary rides off into the sunset as the closing credits scroll.  Either that or do something positive with the rest of your life – say like dignified elder statesman Jimmy Carter.  Instead, it has been a non-stop petulant whine fest.  The Democrats need to move on from this loser and from the Clintons – FOREVER.   But because it is unlikely that Hillary will neither go away mad or just go away, Red has some additional reasons for her next stop on the nation-wide excuse tour of the would be Madame President.

The ghost of Buddy peed on my debate prep papers.

Everyone told me Michigan and Wisconsin had seceded from the Union.

That Canadian bastard Justin Trudeau stole my thunder.

Not to mention that Stein bitch!

Bill’s peckerdillos blunted my brilliant jabs at Trump’s blatant sexual harassment problems.

Who knew Pennsylvania would be critical?

I really thought I would win Texas.

My best power pantsuit got lost at the dry cleaners.

Botox injections made my brain stiff instead.

Bernie,  Bernie, Bernie, Bernie, Bernie  . . .

Joe Biden is just too damn lovable.  We all pale by comparison.

Ran out of body bags.

Face it, the Democrats are just pathetic losers – I would have been a Republican but for Bill (and Nixon).

I decided to tank it just to spite Bill.  Plus I got great odds with my London bookie.

When the going gets tough, I get the flu.

For some unfathomable reason, many voters thought I was a cold, heartless, robotic, lying sack of shit.

Massive voter fraud – turns out the illegal aliens loved Trump.

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Quote for the Day

“We don’t want other leaders and other countries laughing at us anymore.”

President Donald Trump explaining why he is joining Syria and Nicaragua as the only countries to reject the Paris Climate Accords.

Red has a simple way to keep other leaders and countries from laughing at us –  remove the golden-haired clown from the Oval Office.

 

How Low Can He Go (cont.)?

According to the latest Fox News poll, Donald Trump is still sinking.  Yes, even Fox Freaking News has Trump seriously underwater for a president this early in a first term.

Do you approve or disapprove of the job Donald Trump is doing as president? [IF APPROVE / DISAPPROVE: Is that strongly (approve/disapprove), or only somewhat?]

             Approve Disapprove (Don’t know)
May 17     40%         53                       7
Apr 17      45%         48                       7
Mar 17     43%         51                       6
Feb 17      48%         47                      6   
 These numbers are bad enough, but the news gets worse for the golden-haired would-be strongman. The Fox News Poll has only 28% strongly approving of Trump with 46% strongly disapproving of the Donald’s performance as America’s first reality TV show president.  Which means that those who disapprove of Trump – continue to really disapprove, while at the same time his die-hard sycophants are steadily dwindling in number. 

Quote for the Day

“He’s nothing but a bullshitter.”

Attributed to Barack Obama speaking of President Donald Trump.

How could any self-respecting real estate developer credibly deny that.  It’s in the job description – “Must have line of excellent bullshit from here until next Tuesday.”  A real estate developer without bullshit is like an artist without a canvas, a hitter without a bat, a taxi driver without a steering wheel, a teacher without a blackboard, a . . . well you get the picture.

Quote for the Day

“He’s a showboat, he’s a grand-stander, the FBI has been in turmoil. You know that, I know that. Everybody knows that. You take a look at the FBI a year ago, it was in virtual turmoil. Less than a year ago, it hasn’t recovered from that.”

A showboat? Really?  Trump could teach Comey a thing or two about being a “showboat” – not to mention running a place that is in “virtual turmoil.”