Trump Speaks – Red Translates

Red hasn’t had a big steaming bowl of Wolf Brand Chili or had the chance to translate the unbelievable gibberish of Pres. Trump in far too long.  So here goes.

Thank you.  Oh, that social distancing.  Look at you people all spread out, six feet (soon to be six feet under).  That’s pretty impressive.  But we like it the old way a little bit better, don’t we (much easier to grab ’em by the p#$$y when you’re closer)?

And we’ll be back.  We’ll be back to that soon, I think.  I really believe it (because if I believe something it must be true).  And we were received by thousands and thousands of people coming in.  And they came in from all over and all the way from the airport to here (all these wonderful people willing to die just for the chance to see me).  It was really something special.  So it was really great (but don’t expect me to come to your funerals).

In the heart of the Lehigh Valley — now, just so you know, I have brother who is a great brother.  Passed away a long time ago.  Fred (what a loser).  And he went to Lehigh University (like I said, loser)  I’ve been up here many times actually.  And I gave a commencement address years ago at Lehigh University (to other losers).  It’s a great school (for losers).  But whenever I think of this area, I think about my brother (and how I cut off his sick kids’ medical insurance after he died as revenge for them suing).

I was with some of your representatives.  Associates, they call themselves.  I don’t know — I assume if they’re associates, you’re all making the same money (a pittance I’m sure).  I hope so.   They call themselves associates.  Sounds nice, right (much better than sacrificial lambs for their corporate masters)?

But they’re talking about so much of the product now is made in the USA, whereas in the past, it wasn’t.  It wasn’t.  But they were talking about 90 percent — 80 to 90 percent is made — of what you distribute is now made in the USA, and that’s taken a long while for us to get it (I totally made this up).  I started that right from the beginning (and don’t bother to look at the statistics about the decline in American manufacturing – Fake News!).  It’s probably one of the major reasons that I’m here.  It’s called “America First.”  We want America first (first in deaths from COVID-19 anyway).  We love the world (except our former allies and the shithole countries).  We want America first (white America anyway).

Today we’re announcing a groundbreaking initiative to replenish and modernize our Strategic National Stockpile.  The cupboards were bare (not a Big Mac in sight).  You’ve heard me say it a lot (which is the first clue to know that it’s utter bullshit).  When we came into this administration, those cupboards were bare (see, I said it again).

From the moment this terrible virus reached our shores, each of you has worked relentlessly to get the vital supplies to our healthcare warriors (pay no attention to the six weeks that I tried to ignore the problem).  And they are warriors, aren’t they?  When you see them going into those hospitals and they’re putting the stuff that you deliver.  But they’re wrapping themselves (in garbage bags), and the doors are opening, and they’re going through the doors, and they’re not even ready to go through those doors.  They probably shouldn’t.  But they can’t get there fast enough (even Red can’t figure this one out).

And they’re running into death just like soldiers run into bullets, in a true sense.  I see that with the doctors and the nurses and so many of the people that go into those hospitals.  It’s incredible to see.  It’s a beautiful thing to see (Democrats dying).  But I really call them “warriors.”  We’re all warriors; everyone in our country is a warrior (and all you warriors better get ready because I’m starting a civil war if I lose in November).  We have to be because of what happened.  And it should have never happened (if there was a halfway competent person left in the White House).  It should have been stopped at the source.

Just as the men and women of Allentown have done in every generation — I know it well — the workers at this facility have answered the call in America’s hour of need (just like I did during Vietnam).  Many of you are working long before dawn.  You get up and you go to work, and long after midnight.  I know your hours.  I was talking to your people and your representatives.  They say, “You wouldn’t even…” — I’m saying, “What are the hours?”  They said, “You won’t even believe it.”  I said, “But I work those hours too (you  have to get up  pretty early to watch 12 hours of TV a day).  We all work.  We’re all working hard (or hardly working, huh!).”

Now as our country begins a safe and gradual reopening, we’re launching a monumental effort to replenish and rebuild the Strategic National Stockpile (who knew such a thing existed).  We also did that, by the way, with fuel.  When oil went down, we replenished our Strategic National Reserve.

And we got it for a great price (buy low – sell high).  Would you believe what went on with fuel?  But now it’s starting to go back, and we’re saving our energy industry, because people didn’t need too much gasoline when there were no cars on the road.  And I said to the governors — I said, “You know, there are no cars on the road.  This is a good time to fix your highways.  Fix your highways now.” (absolutely no one else thought of this)  Some did and some didn’t.  Right?  They didn’t (Democrats).  They were worried that two people working 35 feet away from each other or driving a tractor, or whatever they might be doing, they’ll catch the virus (what a bunch of weenies).

But the ones that did were really helped because you went from being these massive traffic jams to having no traffic (yes, they fixed all of their traffic problems in 2 months).  And I can tell you Florida was a state (finally I said something correct – Florida is a state).  Great governor.  And Ron was — was — he told me he; he said, “I’m doing it.”  I said, “That’s a good thing.”  Not everybody did it.  Ron DeSantis of Florida.  Governor of Florida (I lose Florida and its game over).

Under the previous administration, the Stockpile was depleted and never fully refilled (ignore that I had 3 years to do that).  Most of the N95 masks were distributed during the N1H1 (should have let them die then).  Now, you know who says that, right?  “N1H1.”  Who says that?  Sleepy Joe Biden (because you should always ridicule your opponent)   Remember?  He said the “N1H1.”  I said, “Isn’t it the other way around?”  They said, “Yes, sir.”  But he said it, so it doesn’t make any difference.  (once again, Red is at a loss here)

But during the H1N1 — and that’s the swine flu — and it was a pandemic in ’09 that was not well handled at all (at least one person died).  It got very poor marks (and I have a bridge to sell you).

Never again will another President inherit empty shelves or expired products (again ignore my first 3 years).  At least — hopefully, in five years you’re talking about.  It may be 9 years, it may be 13 years (I’ll still be President).  But you’ll never have to deal with empty shelves, and you’ll never have to deal with a depleted military (always pivot to the military)  The military that we took over was depleted and in horrible shape (despite spending more than the rest of the world combined).  We’ve now spent $1.5 trillion rebuilding our military (so that we can cut and run from everywhere in the world)  We have the strongest military we’ve ever had, by far (World War II was nothing).  And this is a good time to have it too (remember second civil war coming)

Sorry, Red really can’t take anymore of this right now.

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