Friend (and easy mark),

Many people are talking about it (mostly me and a couple of senile geezers over bagels at Mar-a-Lago) and YES, IT’S TRUE (and also FALSE) my plane, Trump Force One (Clever, huh?), is looking BETTER THAN EVER (BETTER THAN IVANKA and we know she is the best looking woman God ever created).

I told my team (of ever shrinking sycophants) I want YOU to have the chance (1 in a million if there enough suckers out there – but I’m telling you there’s a chance) to see it for YOURSELF.

THAT’S RIGHT, YOU COULD WIN A TOUR of TRUMP FORCE ONE (5 minutes max so you don’t stink it up and the we will run you back to Motel 6).

But, not only will you get your own EXCLUSIVE tour of my plane (I’ll show you where they keep the Depends)… but we’ll even take a picture (with a cardboard cut out of me) so that we can remember the moment forever (what was your name again?).

An invitation like this can only be extended to a very small and select group of my very BEST supporters (meaning everyone on the mailing list) , and I want YOU to have this opportunity of a lifetime (they taught me this pitch at Con Man U).

I’ve NEVER done this before (I mean this exact con), and I might not be able to do it ever again (Because I’ll either be in jail or TF1 will be repossessed). I need you to ENTER NOW before it’s too late (Because I need money like a fish needs water).

Contribute ANY AMOUNT IMMEDIATELY (but anything less than C-Note gets ignored) for a chance to win a TOUR of Trump Force One and meet your FAVORITE President (before he goes to jail).

Friend, my team needs to finalize the arrangements soon (getting out the Dustbusters and wet wipes), so I need to know if you want this EXCLUSIVE TRUMP FORCE ONE experience to be YOURS (but don’t worry too much because there are as many ways to fleece the rubes as there are blades of grass at Mar-a-Lago).

My team activated a link for you below to claim your offer. This offer won’t be around forever, so please don’t wait (Money Now!!!!).

Please contribute $50 or more RIGHT NOW (DAMN IT) to secure your chance to win a trip to tour Trump Force One and meet yours truly (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).

Thank you,

Donald J. Trump (Inmate Number to be assigned)