Author Archives: Red from Texas

About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Red on Panic Buying

Image result for little debbie

Red and Mrs. Red went to the local larder on Tuesday night to stock up on a few things.  There wasn’t really panic buying yet, but there were some early signs.  Like the guy in front of Red in line who had snapped up 5 boxes of Whataburger Pancake Mix.  Mrs. Red noticed that he had forgotten the syrup.

But now, panic buying is probably done with for a few days because the shelves have been cleaned out.  This will be good news for the local food banks in a few months as people don’t know what to do with the case of tomato puree and canned potatoes that they bought.

Here’s Red’s simple tip for knowing when panic buying has reached the crazy stage:

WHEN THE LITTLE DEBBIES ARE GONE, THE END TIMES ARE NEAR!

Trump Speaks – Red Translates

Red translates some excerpts from Trump’s speech to the nation last night.  It was so reassuring that financial markets are now in a complete panic.

My fellow Americans: Tonight, I want to speak with you about our nation’s unprecedented (unprecedented in its incompetence) response to the coronavirus outbreak that started in China and is now spreading throughout the world.
Today, the World Health Organization officially announced that this is a global pandemic (I heard that was bad so I lied about it as long as possible).
We have been in frequent contact with our allies (Putin, Kim Jung Un and Bibi), and we are marshalling the full power of the federal government and the private sector to protect the American people (and more importantly my bottom line).
This is the most aggressive and comprehensive effort to confront a foreign virus in modern history (you know the one that last week I told you would be down to zero cases in a few days). I am confident that by counting and continuing to take these tough measures, we will significantly reduce the threat to our citizens, and we will ultimately and expeditiously defeat this virus (because “I am really good at war”).
From the beginning of time, nations and people have faced unforeseen challenges (like utterly incompetent leadership), including large-scale and very dangerous health threats. This is the way it always was and always will be (some live, some die, some get rich in the process). It only matters how you respond, and we are responding with great speed and professionalism (working on a time machine actually)
Our team is the best anywhere in the world (Be Best!). At the very start of the outbreak, we instituted sweeping travel restrictions on China and put in place the first federally mandated quarantine in over 50 years. We declared a public health emergency (which I pooh-poohed) and issued the highest level of travel warning on other countries as the virus spread its horrible infection.
And taking early intense action, we have seen dramatically fewer cases of the virus in the United States than are now present in Europe (aka our former Allies).
After consulting with our top government health professionals (that’s me in case you were wondering), I have decided to take several strong but necessary actions to protect the health and well being of all Americans.
To keep new cases from entering our shores, we will be suspending all travel from Europe (except countries where my golf resorts are located) to the United States for the next 30 days. The new rules will go into effect Friday at midnight. These restrictions will be adjusted subject to conditions on the ground.
These restrictions will also not apply to the United Kingdom (again – golf resorts).
Earlier this week, I met with the leaders of health insurance industry who have agreed to waive all copayments for coronavirus treatments, extend insurance coverage to these treatments, and to prevent surprise medical billing (in the meantime, I am desperately trying to figure out how to blame this on Obamacare).
We are cutting massive amounts of red tape (also known as scientific protocols) to make antiviral therapies available in record time (wait for the October surprise). These treatments will significantly reduce the impact and reach of the virus.
The vast majority of Americans: The risk is very, very low (really non-existent in my expert medical opinion). Young and healthy people (who unfortunately don’t vote for me) can expect to recover fully and quickly if they should get the virus. The highest risk is for elderly population with underlying health conditions. The elderly population must be very, very careful (and try to stay alive until November so you can vote for me).
Because of the economic policies that we have put into place over the last three years, we have the greatest economy anywhere in the world, by far (it had to come back to me at some point).
Our banks and financial institutions are fully capitalized and incredibly strong. Our unemployment is at a historic low. This vast economic prosperity (boy can I spin the bullshit)  gives us flexibility, reserves, and resources to handle any threat that comes our way (except electing a Democrat).
This is not a financial crisis (I’m an expert on that – see, e.g., my multiple bankruptcies), this is just a temporary moment of time that we will overcome together (please God, before November) as a nation and as a world (you ever notice how when things go wrong, it’s not all about me anymore).
Using emergency authority (and my Article 2 powers to  do whatever I want), I will be instructing the Treasury Department to defer tax payments, without interest or penalties, for certain individuals and businesses (mostly those who don’t need it) negatively impacted. This action will provide more than $200 billion of additional liquidity to the economy (and wouldn’t it be nice if I hadn’t already blown the deficit out of control with my rich guy tax cut).
We are at a critical time in the fight against the virus. We made a life-saving move with early action on China. Now we must take the same action with Europe. We will not delay. I will never hesitate to take any necessary steps to protect the lives, health, and safety of the American people. I will always put the well being of America first (and if you believe that, I have a failed casino to sell you and a bogus University for you to attend and a fake charity for you to contribute to and . . . I could go on for days here really).
If we are vigilant — and we can reduce the chance of infection, which we will — we will significantly impede the transmission of the virus. The virus will not have a chance against us (dramatic music rising in the background – I’m thinking theme from Patton).
No nation is more prepared or more resilient than the United States. We have the best economy, the most advanced healthcare, and the most talented doctors, scientists, and researchers anywhere in the world (and of course the best President – but that goes without saying).
We are all in this together. We must put politics aside, stop the partisanship (cancel the election), and unify together as one nation and one family (scum-sucking Democrats aside).
Our future remains brighter than anyone can imagine (I’ve gotta wear shades). Acting with compassion and love (and no one is more compassionate or loving than me – ask Stormy if you don’t believe me), we will heal the sick, care for those in need, help our fellow citizens (I asked for a picture of Jesus to be smiling at me from above, but they said no), and emerge from this challenge stronger and more unified (behind Trump that is) than ever before.

Typhoid Louie Leads Children Through US Capitol

Texas Congressman and alleged human being Louie Gohmert (TP-Crazyville) decided against a self-quarantine after being exposed to the coronavirus at the Conservative Political Action Conference last week.  Other Republican lawmakers including Ted Cruz, Mark Meadows, Matt Gaetz, and Doug Collins acted responsibly in deciding to self-quarantine.  But not fearless Louie.  Claiming that he was cleared to work by a “physician” while probably wondering if his lips would be just a bit too far from Trump’s behind if he actually acted prudently, Gohmert has returned to the halls of Congress.

That would be bad enough, but rather than make any attempt to limit exposure to others Gohmert chose instead to lead a group of over 100 children around the Capitol.  Gohmert did claim that he would not shake hands with any of the kids.  His overlord and protector Trump is surely happy.

Lieutenant Dan Slams P. Bush

Image result for alamo plaza redevelopment

“It is evident to me that both the design, planning and execution of the project is badly off track.  . . . Nothing defines the independent and the courageous spirit of Texas more than our iconic Alamo and, like most Texans, I treasure it. The history of the Alamo is a personal passion of mine. I do not intend to sit quietly and see this project fail.

I have seen two architectural renderings so far, including the latest one a few weeks ago, and neither are anything close to what the people of Texas are expecting.  The latest looks like a massive urban park with hundreds of trees – more like Central Park in New York City than Alamo Plaza.”

Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick slamming Texas Land Commissioner George P. Bush yet again on the ongoing renovation of the Alamo area in downtown San Antonio.

How can Red lose in a fight between these two fearless defenders of our Texas heritage.  Patrick’s surrogates have been promoting the idea that George P. is going to try to honor the Mexican soldiers as well because of his Mexican heritage on his mother’s side.   George P. pushes back that these attacks are tinged with racism.

Red wants to point out a couple of things.  Any battlefield historic site almost anywhere in the world talks about both sides.  How can you tell the story of the Alamo without talking about the Mexican soldiers and their incompetent leadership in Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna?  Second, Patrick clearly sees George P. as a potential rival for the Governorship when and if OPIG Abbott steps down.  Patrick views this as a weak point for Bush and will press and press the issue regardless of the facts.  Third, who can be surprised that any project a Bush takes on has a decent chance of being completely bungled.  Finally, the current plan is infinitely better than the hodgepodge of shameful tourist attractions that now dominate a large part of the historic site.

Bush Whacked!

Bush family scion Pierce Bush of the general Sugar Land area became the first Bush family member to lose an election in Texas since Uncle W. lost a bid for Congress back in 1978.  Safe to say that George W. Bush recovered from that defeat.

In the Republican primary for the 22nd Congressional District, a veritable truckload of Grand Old Partisans lined up to succeed the smartly retiring Pete Olsen.  Bush probably thought he had an easy path to November nonetheless based on his family name and connections.  But unfortunately for Pierce, his parents did not name him George which appears to be the true ticket to electoral success in Texas (ask do-nothing Texas Land Commissioner and cousin George P. about that).   He could have been “P. George Bush” and probably have cruised to victory.   Instead, he wound up with a third-place finish and will be at home watching the runoff in May.

To counter this problem, Red suggests that the Bush family follow the lead of boxing legend George Foreman and name all future Bush children either George or Georgina.  It will get confusing at family reunions, but they can assign numbers.

Actually, what probably did in Pierce Bush was the fact that he did not appear to be a complete Trumpian ass-lick.  The two participants in the runoff, Fort Bend County Sheriff Troy Nehls and soon-to-be perennial candidate Kathaleen Wall almost fell over themselves in swearing absolute fealty to Trump.

From Nehls website with Red’s commentary:

Troy supports President Trump, term limits (except apparently for wannabe President-for-Life Trump), securing the border, cutting our out-of-control $23 trillion debt (how does he say this with a straight face?) and ensuring the free market economy remains strong (for wealthy campaign donors anyway). He believes we need to get back to business (wait a minute, isn’t America great again already?) and deliver President Trump’s agenda to grow on his historic accomplishments of record lows in unemployment, record job creation (total bullshit here), and a record stock market (oops!).

From Wall’s website again with Red chiming in:

Stop Illegal Immigration. Build the Wall (with money stolen from the military and pretend otherwise).

President Trump needs a leader (actually he prefers an ass-licking follower) who will fight (by hurling personal insults and vitriol) alongside him (please let me stand close enough so that he can grab my P-word) to defend our conservative values (holding on to power at all costs), stop illegal immigration, and build the wall (exactly what happened to having Mexico pay for it?).

Uncle Joe’s Big Night in Texas

Well, what a difference a day makes or in this case, two to three days.  Former Vice-President Joe Biden made an extraordinary comeback in Texas on Super Tuesday fueled by election day ballots.  His margin of victory of about 80,000 votes (with 92% reported) would likely have been larger if Mayor Pete and Amy K. had dropped out earlier and given their endorsement.  Red thinks that Mayor Pete will be a force on the campaign trail for Uncle Joe and his reward will likely be a Secretarial Post (Red will push for him as Secretary of Defense).  Amy K. will return to the Senate and continue to push people around there.

As Red sees it, however, Texas is still not in play come November.  In running uncontested, Trumph – the Insult Comic President – still got about 300,000 more votes than all the Democratic candidates combined.  That does not bode well for Texas as a “battleground” state.  But maybe just maybe Texas did its part in helping find a candidate that can beat the Reality TV Show Joke of President that now holds the office.

 

Cornyn Speaks – Red Translates

Sen. John Cornyn (Trumpian -Texas) gave his explanation for voting against a War Powers Resolution seeking to limit the ability of Trumph – the Insult Comic President –  to use authorization from 2001 to start a war with Iran.  The measure passed in the House and Senate, but Trump has vowed to veto it.

What I read this resolution (worthless piece of paper) to do is to try to tie the president’s hands (Lord knows we can’t keep him from grabbing Iran  – or anything else for that matter – by the pussy because he’s a star).  We’ve (me and the other spineless Trump sycophants) all seen enough of how Congress operates (money talks, bullshit walks) to say that Congress (meaning those despicable Democrats) doesn’t operate with the necessary efficiency (unless motivated by fraud, graft and corruption) to deal with a national security crisis (either real or made up to enhance Trump’s re-election chances) particularly involved in self-defense (or more importantly something that might affect my re-election).