Okay, from here on out this is cheating a bit because Week 1 is almost in the books, but here goes anyway.

Tennesee Titans

Tennesee’s surprising run to the AFC Championship game last season was remarkable. After back-dooring into the playoffs with a win in Houston against a Texans team that was resting a bunch of starters and having lost the previous two games, the Titans went on a tear. With Derrick Henry being all but unstoppable and Rookie A J Brown looking like a future hall-of-famer and Ryan Tannehill all of the sudden looking like a professional football quarterback, the Titans dispatched the Patriots (first win in Foxboro since 1993) and the Ravens (again on the road) before going out with a respectable (they were up by 10 at one point) effort against the Chiefs. Some expect AJB to have a sophomore slump and Henry to show signs of overuse. Not Red. Henry is an amazing athlete and Brown will be a top 10 receiver. The defense is more than solid and will finish as a top-5 run defense in 2020. The only big question mark is whether Tannehill will continue to perform at the next level. It will be a step down, but the Titans have the goods to win it all in this most pathetic excuse for a professional football division. Tennessee at 11-5.

Jacksonville Jaguars

This is really cheating. Jacksonville’s young talent was showcased yesterday. They will not be great at anything, but mere competence will make you competitive in this division.  It is hard to remember that this team was in the AFC Championship Game a mere three years ago, but is now in a complete rebuild. Maybe this is a good season for that. Questions abound. Is Gardner Minshew actually a franchise quarterback or just good enough to not lose games for you? Does Doug Marrone know what he is doing? Will DJ Chark be a top WR? Who is going to run the ball? Red doesn’t have the answers. But he thinks that enough pieces fall into place for a 7-9 campaign.

Houston Texans.

What have the Texans done right lately? Dumping DeAndre Hopkins (arguably the second best receiver in the game) for oft-injured one season wonder David Johnson. Paying absurd amounts to good players. Refusing to upgrade talent in the depleted secondary. Running outdated defensive schemes. Thinking they can win on the arm and legs of DeShaun Watson alone. Facing down a brutal opening stretch that could ruin the season. The reports on S. Main are not good. The Texans are routinely looked at as a laughing-stock of the league. Red is chuckling. Texans go 6-10 and finally show Bill O’ the Clown the door.

Indianapolis Colts

Tired old Phillip Rivers shows that he is tired and old. He will beat the Texans twice simply because T Y Hilton refuses to lose to that team. They bring up the rear at 5-11 to grab the worst division in the NFL crown.

No Red is not referring to Louisiana. Yesterday we had Major League Baseball, NFL, NBA, NHL, MLS, WNBA, NCAA Football, Pro Tennis and Pro Golf all playing on the same day.

This probably happens multiple times (maybe with the exception of the WNBA) every year as MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL, MLS, NCAA Football, Golf and Tennis schedules overlap in the Fall. But after a long sports drought, desperate sports junkies can finally sink into the LazyBoy with their nachos and beverage of choice and forget about some of the troubles of the day.

This one got a whole lot more interesting with the Tom Brady show moving to Tampa Bay. Red guesses he couldn’t resist the TB12 in TB idea.

New Orleans Saints

Much like the Patriots for the past 20 or so seasons, it just makes sense to keep on picking the Saints. They were arguably the best team in the NFC last season before collapsing against the Vikings in the playoffs. Collapse may be harsh, but the Saints had to score 10 in the 4th quarter including a last second FG to get to OT where they promptly failed to stop the Vikings march down the field for the win. Not much has changed in the Crescent City. Well, Drew Brees is a year older but has shown little signs of being tired and old yet. He has perhaps the No. 1 receiver in the game in Michael Thomas (149 catches) and a hopefully healthy Alvin Kamara in the backfield who has a legitimate shot at a 1000/1000 season in Payton’s offense. The offensive line is one of the best in the business. The defense was shored up. What’s not to like? If Brees stays healthy not much. Without him there is the exciting but unproven Tayson Hill and the human interception machine Jameis Winston. New Orleans wins division at 12-4.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Now that Native Americans can finally breathe easier, how much longer before we stop glorifying sea-faring criminals? Oh and Tampa Bay managed to make a few strategic pick-ups in the off-season including tired old Tom Brady and his go to guy Gronk. But lest ye forget, this is a franchise whose most recent playoff appearance was during the W. Bush years and has not won a playoff game since Superb Owl 37 (Red is done with Roman Numerals). Brady claims that he is going to run Bruce Arian’s offense – which would be a good idea if he could still throw the ball more than 40 yards. That system is a far cry from the dink and dunk that Brady has relied on for the last decade and requires time in the pocket – something that the Bucs’ offensive line did not provide Jameis Winston last season. It’s easier to throw the ball up for grabs than to stand there and get killed. That said throwing the ball up for grabs to Mike Evans is usually a winning proposition. You might remember Evans as the guy who won a Heisman Trophy for Johnny Football. Red only sort of believes. TB gets the benefit of a weaker NFC and 3 wild card spots but still cannot eke its way into the playoffs. Tampa Bay at 8-8.

Atlanta Falcons

This team is a mystery. They still have not recovered from the humiliation at the hands of the Patriots 4 seasons ago. This should be a better team than they are. But there were signs of life last season. After a 1–7 start, they rallied to a 7-9 finish saving the bacon of HC Dan Quinn. The defense fueled that remarkable turnaround moving towards elite status in giving up only 18.6 PPG in the second half. The question remains whether Matty Ice can use the high pedigree talent (all 11 starters on offense are former first round picks) to score points. Adding Todd Gurley may help. Red may be crazy but he sees the Falcons finally shaking off the ghosts of seasons past and making another foray into the playoffs. Atlanta in at 9-7 for the final Wild Card spot.

Carolina Panthers

They will probably suck even with best all around back in the league and a new starter at QB in Teddy B. Red could be drastically wrong about this team. Carolina at 6-10.

Red has had trouble with this division in the past. For example, last season he had the Cardinals winning the division and the 49ers finishing last. Hard to be more wrong than that. So with a good shot of his morning Covfefe, Red plunges into this dangerous territory.

Arizona Cardinals

Every season one team rises from the dung heap of failure and grabs the facemask of destiny. Last year Red thought it would be the Cards under Wunderkind Coach Kliff Kingsbury. Alas, not much went right. The Cardinals started with a tie against the lowly Lions and then proceeded to go 3-9 in the next 12 games. There was a 3 game win stretch in there where it looked like the sails were finally pointing in the right direction – but again, Alas! But after Week, the Cards were only blown out one time by the Rams in a 34-7 humiliation. They closed strong with wins over the Browns and Seahawks and a close loss to the Rams to finish 5-10-1. This year KK has a slightly seasoned QB in Kyler Murray who can run and throw and now has two legitimate WRs with the addition of All-World DeAndre Hopkins and the maturing Christian Kirk. And then there is tired old Larry Fitzgerald ready to get you a first down when the chips are down. Ditching oft-injured David Johnson for D-Hop was widely viewed as the steal of the off-season. RB Kenyon Drake (acquired mid-way through the 2019 campaign) looks like a good fit for KK’s wide open offense. The Cards will win by scoring, scoring and more scoring. Don’t be surprised if they lead the NFC in total points. They won’t come close to the Chiefs or the Ravens, but playing the losers schedule helps and it will be good enough to WIN THIS DIVISION at 12-4.

Seattle Seahawks

Unfortunately for Red there is not a lot to not like about the Seahawks this year -except maybe the schedule. Seattle is somewhat of a notoriously slow-starting team. No preseason hurts – especially looking at the September schedule when the Seahawks face off against the Atlanta Falcons, New England Patriots and Dallas Cowboys. No other NFC team likely faces a tougher opening stretch. Led by the force that is Russell Wilson, the offense will ramble on. In case you weren’t paying attention, Wilson has thrown for 30-plus touchdowns in 4 of the last 5 years. Mahomes and Jackson may hit that mark someday, but Wilson has the experience and maybe a long-deserved shot at MVP in his third season with offensive mastermind Brian Schottenheimer. Yes there are questions with 3 new O-Line starters and whether WR DK Metcalf is really the real deal (after the greatest playoff game for any rookie WR ever). The defense is always tough and once again probably sports the best secondary in the NFC if not the NFL with Diggs and Adams striking fear into the hearts of opposing QBs. Red likes the Seahawks to go 12-4 as well and get in as top Wildcard.

San Francisco 49ers

Red did not believe last season. He was wrong. He believes a little more this year and probably won’t be as wrong (impossible to be more wrong actually).  But the following season record of Superb Owl losers is not great. Other than the Patriots, only one team has come back to win their division after losing the big game. Here, the biggest problem for the Niners was the NFL scheduler. They open against the chip on their shoulder Cardinals, followed by back-to-back games in New York. Triple reverse time-zone hex totally in play. They also travel to New England, New Orleans and Dallas – all games which Red could see them losing. The Niners are good. The schedule is bad. That all adds up to 9-7 and maybe a shot at a Wildcard and maybe not.

Los Angeles Rams

My how the mighty have fallen. Someone has to be the doormat in the toughest division in the NFL. This year it is the Rams. LA is 7-9.

At the rate Red is going here, the NFL season will be well into its first week before he finishes his predictions. That’s cheating just a little bit – but not too much.

Red has traditionally hated picking the NFC North. This year is no exception. It seems every team in this division is worse than last year.

Green Bay Packers

Led by tired old Aaron Rodgers, the Packers will likely stumble to another division title despite adding a grand total of almost zero new receiving targets (with apologies to Devin Funchess) for the venerable QB. The Packers will not (repeat will not) get close to the near miraculous 13-3 record of last year. There were a few key pickups – LB Christian Kirksey to replace Blake Martinez and OT Ricky Wagner to replace Bryan. But it still looks like running back by committee with second-round pick A.J. Dillion added to a run-first team with Aaron Jones and Jamaal Williams. Fortunately, for the Pack the competition in the NFC North is lacking if not downright weak. Packers make it to 10-6 and win this division again.

Minnesota Vikings

In typical Viking style, Minnesota threw about half of their defensive starters overboard on the voyage to 2020. Leading WR Stefon Diggs was shuffled off to Buffalo and Dalvin Cook is holding out (still?) – Red didn’t have time to check. Not that it matters with the Kirk “Kissing” Cousins at the helm. On the bright side DE Danielle Hunter has a legitimate shot at Defensive MVP if he improves even slightly from his 2019 campaign with 14.5 sacks and 3 forced fumbles. Red is still trying to figure out how the Vikings ousted the Saints in the first round of the 2019 playoffs on the road against what was arguably the best regular season team in the NFC in the Saints. Don’t expect such heroics this season. Vikings are 9-7 and miss out on a Wildcard slot by a tie-breaker.

Chicago Bears

Bears coach Matt Nagy must wake up every day and wonder if he wouldn’t be better off selling used cars in Evanston. He has a quarterback in Mitch Trubisky that he doesn’t trust and that is clearly holding the team back. The cure for that was to go get Nick Foles who lasted about 5 minutes as the starter for the pathetic excuse for a professional football team that was the Jacksonville Jaguars last year. Okay, Foles did return but then deservedly lost his job to the rookie Gardner Minshew. In fairness to Mitch he basically had one target in Allen Robinson II. The addition of tired old Jimmy Graham and tireder older Ted Ginn, Jr. won’t likely help much -nor will the lack of a consistent banger in the backfield. The Bears still sport a defensive unit that is solid enough to keep the team close in games against mediocre competition. The Bears are lucky to start with weak sisters Lions and Giants, but expect Foles to get a shot when the going gets tougher. Bears will be competitive but not competitive enough at 8-8.

Detroit Lions

The ghost of Bobby Layne still wanders wondering when the Lions will ever win another championship. Sorry Bobby – not this year. The Lions will not be the worst team in the NFL this year but it won’t be for lack of trying. Lions are 4-12.  

Red is getting a late start on his 2020 predictions and is therefore jumping into the deep end this season and starting with the traditional roast of the NFC East which other than the Eagles’ Superb Owl championship in 2017 has been among the doormat divisions of the NFL for going on about 20 years. 

Red will provide the 2019 NFL season overview and general thoughts on this season at a a later date.

Philadelphia Eagles

The reigning NFC East champs more or less by default.  The Eagles did have a nice closing run winning 4 straight to edge out the floundering Cowboys before losing to the Seahawks in the first round after Jadeveon Clowney’s cheap shot took out QB Carson Wentz.  No team is going to win a playoff game with Josh McCown at the helm.  The Eagles were decimated by injuries last year – so much that their No. 1 wide receiver was Greg Ward – last heard from as the quarterback of the Houston Cougars.  They signed Marquise Goodwin (every team needs at least one and preferably two Marquises)  but he opted out.  Nonetheless with Alshon Jeffery and Desean Jackson back Wentz will not lack options downfield.  Red predicts a breakout year for Miles Sanders as the top back.   Philadelphia is 10-6 and division champ again.

Dallas Cowboys

2019 saw the end of the Jason Garrett era as the Cowboys started strong with 3 wins over the weak sisters of the division and Miami.  Then reality set in with 3 losses to better competition.  Still the Boys had a chance going into week 16 at Philadelphia.  Alas, the Red Rule was in effect and 17 points was more than enough to dispatch Jerry’s boys and their last best shot at the playoffs.  Garrett was quickly shown the door and the Mike McCarthy era began even as it appears the Dak Prescott interregnum may be coming to a close.  Unable to work out a deal, the Cowboys applied the franchise tag to Prescott who seems overly perturbed about being paid $31 million this season.  Holdover Kellen Moore (future head coach of the New England Patriots) will be dialing up the plays which gives the Boys a halfway decent chance to win almost any game despite an increasingly decrepit offensive line.  And  Red is unsure about a defense that lost its best cornerback and pass rusher and is transitioning to the notoriously complicated schemes of new defensive coordinator Mike Nolan.  All that said, Red sees only about 4 or 5 surefire wins on the schedule.  After all this is a team that couldn’t catch the crippled Eagles last year. Red calls it 8-8 for the Cowboys and another season on the outside looking in. 

P.S. Red has his usual bitch about the favorable TV schedule for a team that has won a total of 4 playoff games in the last 25 years, is 4-10 in the playoffs since 1996 and hasn’t come close to sniffing a Conference Championship during that stretch with the possible exception of the controversial loss to the Packers in 2014. Based on that record of excellence, this season the Cowboys are rewarded with 5 prime time spots (4 more than the minimum), 6 late afternoon games (including Thanksgiving and a road game in Seattle) for a total of 11 national TV appearances. Red calls BS.

New York Football Giants

In desperation, the Giants have turned to Bill Bellicheat disciple Joe Judge.  Unfortunately,  BB has been a poor stud and his progeny have generally fizzled out.  Undoubtably, new offensive coordinator Jason Garrett will pull out all the stops when playing the Cowboys and he will breathe some life into an offense that has talent in Daniel Jones and Saquon Barkley.  Expect the Giants to be interesting if not exciting.  But don’t expect them to win too many games.  Giants go 6-10 and feel the love.

Washington Football Team formerly known as the OTNAs

Red gets to pull out the “Offensive Term for Native Americans” one last time.  He won’t have them to Kickapoo anymore.  Red is Hopi that they come up a better nick-Nambe.  Even so, there’s a real  Quechan  as to whether the deal made for new head coach Ron Rivera will  really Pai off – there’s certainly no Guarani – he may be Cochiti.  They may not stink as much as last year, but if Ute think this team is going to be competitive –  Huron drugs.  This team has a Ottawa to go before they will have anything to Crow about.   And they are Innu overall terrible division.  They might Chippewa at the Giants for a shot at 3^rd place, but . If you’re a fan looking for improvement, the best Red can offer is for you to Goshute the owner. Just kidding that’s Nottoway to improve the situation.  Okay Red has to Makah prediction –  if he Haida guess – 5 wins is the best the WFT Caddo this season.

Typically nothing coming out of the Trump scion’s bearded orifice is worth noting. But Donald Trump, Jr. is more front and center than ever before in desperately plugging Daddy’s re-election. He is the Trump Campaign’s designated attack dog and if he weren’t such an obvious liar and ignoramus he would be well suited for the job as a nastier piece of work that DTJ is seldom seen. The fetid acorn did not fall far from the twisted tree. Here is the latest email from the rabid dog of the right – with usual translation by Red.

Friend (Sucker),

The Radical Democrats (that is anyone not worshiping Daddy) are truly delusional (we’re counting on you being delusional in our favor). 

They think they can win this race with their MEGA-DONORS and coastal elites (plus millions of small donors), but we both know that my father will prevail because he has the backing of the ONLY People that matter (in typical Trump we say screw everyone else – but note that we’ll screw you too if the opportunity arises) – REAL AMERICAN PATRIOTS, (complete dupes who think Daddy is patriotic) like YOU.

The Democrats are hosting their ANTI-TRUMP Convention (good one huh?) this week, and they’ve been attacking my father with a viciousness we’ve never seen before (except every time Daddy opens his mouth). We, the American People, need to be ready to defend him (the legal defense fund will be accepting contributions beginning at noon on Jan. 21, 2001). 

My father created the 2020 Presidential Defense Task Force (Brown Shirts are being issued as I write) to DEFEND the future of our Nation from the Democrat’s radical agenda (you know the Nazis had some of this right), and he’s calling on YOU to (goose) step up.

This is so important that when you join the ranks as one of the President’s TOP defenders, your gift will automatically be 600%-MATCHED (Does anyone really believe this bullshit?) .

The Democrats will stop at nothing (like actually voting) to defeat my father – they’ll lie, cheat, and steal their way to victory unless we stop them (by better lying, cheating and stealing).

The President wants to know who came to his defense (other than the emaciated walking ghost of Roy Cohn), so he’s asked that I give him a list of all Patriots who respond to this email first thing TOMORROW morning (which he will use as toilet paper). I hope your name is on that list (see previous note about screwing).

Thank you,

Donald Trump, Jr. (Inmate No. to be issued)