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Louie Gohmert Speaks to His Personal Expertise – Mental Impairment

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Rep. Louie Gohmert (TP-Tyler) claims that Hillary Clinton is mentally impaired.

“A true believer does what Jesus did … you don’t make fun of people who are impaired, have special needs, and whether you like her or not, Hillary Clinton’s made clear, she is mentally impaired.”  Gohmert later commented that “Hillary’s brain is in a blender.”

Red has to defer to the Tea Party darling from east Texas on the subject of mental impairment since it has long been clear that Gohmert isn’t firing on all cylinders himself.  Gohmert is well-known for his idiotic statements.  What is incredible is that this guy was actually the Chief Justice of one of our Texas Courts of Appeals and was in a position to directly impact the lives of the people whose cases were before his court.  Gohmert wants to keep playing the clearly discredited – Hillary is brain damaged from a fall back in 2012 card – as though he actually had a medical diagnosis of Clinton.  Just the kind of excrement that typically flows from Gohmert’s mouth in an almost uncontrollable flow.

Here is a small sample of some of the stupidity that has come from Gohmert’s mouth.

Speaking of the Alaska pipeline Gohmert commented, “So when [caribou] want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline. … So my real concern now [is] if oil stops running through the pipeline … do we need a study to see how adversely the caribou would be affected if that warm oil ever quit flowing?”  Gohmert is apparently unaware that the Caribou survived for millennia without the benefit of flowing oil.

Talking about the Obama administration, Gohmert claimed, “This administration has so many Muslim Brotherhood members that have influence that they just are making wrong decisions for America.”  Unfortunately for Louie, he was unable to point to any actual MB members making policy in DC.

 

 

Red’s NFL Picks – Week 1

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Week 1 Picks 2016

Red has a new format this year for his weekly six-pack of picks. Every week Red will feature a Sure Bet of the Week, Underdog Pick of the Week, Rivalry Game Pick of the Week, Texas Franchise Pick of the Week, Prime Time Pick of the Week, and of course the Shit Bowl Pick of the Week. Red may add some additional picks as the season goes on such as the Must Win Game of the Week or perhaps the Big Ass Game of the Week.  Stay tuned.

Sure Bet Pick of the Week – Panthers over Broncos.  Red is not particularly fond of having the Superb Owl rematch (in the seasons where that is possible) in the first game of the season – but he certainly understands why the NFL wants to kick off the season in fine form.  Unfortunately, this game doesn’t look to keep the fans in Des Moines interested for very long and only the true addict of the professional sports crack that is the NFL will be watching come the 4th quarter. The Panthers played about as bad a game as possible last February.  They have to be looking forward for a small shot at redemption.  They have a clean shot on Thursday and they take down the defending champions rather handily.  Red thinks that Carolina minus 3 is a lock and that the over at 41.5 is even better.  Carolina 35 Denver 20.  

Underdog Pick of the Week – Jaguars over Packers. Jags are Red’s moving team this season.  Moving from the outhouse to the playoffs in Red’s humble estimation.  This is a statement game for Coach Gus Bradley. It’s his 4th season and probably getting close to the make or break point.  It will be the first sellout crowd for the Jags since October of 2014. That may be a mixed blessing as the sell out may be due to Packers fans making the trip to N. Florida for a chance to see the beloved green and gold.  However, it will be hot and the hotter the better for the Jaguars. It’s hard to believe, but the Packers have played in just two 90+ degree games in their 97 year history.  The Pack wilts before it fades to black on Sunday. Jacksonville 20 Green Bay 17.

Rivalry Game of the Week – Giants over Cowboys. This is the kind of game the Cowboys always seem to win.  A young untested quarterback takes over and leads the team to a come-from-behind victory.  Remember Clint Longley, Gary Hogeboom and even a young Tony Romo himself.  Last season, hwoever, it was tired old Tony Romo leading the ‘Boys to an season opening win against the soon to be hapless Giants.  Not this year, as Romo is out for this one, and the next one, and the next one . . .  But more than Romo being out most of last season, the true cause of the Cowboys’ ills was the return to form of the defense.  After a record-setting season of utter putridness in 2013, the Cowboys defense was nothing short of outstanding in the run to the playoffs in 2014.  But they regressed mightily last year causing only 11 turnovers and generally getting walked on.  Now missing DeMarcus Lawrence and Randy Gregory, the Big D looks to be unable to put any serious pressure on a pocket passer like Eli.  Sunday afternoon he gets to stand back and pick ‘em apart. New Jersey 37 Arlington 13.

Texas Franchise Pick of the Week – Texans over Bears. Lucky for Bill-O the Clown that the Texans start off with a game against the bumbling Bears.  There are a lot of questions to be answered for the Texans with a new quarterback, new tailback, new receivers and tight ends.  Unfortunately for the Texans it looks like pretty much the same crappy old offensive line and that will be the deciding factor for the Texans most of the season.  I don’t care how good Lamar Miller looked last season, you can’t run through non-existent gaps.  Osweiler better learn to get rid of the ball quickly.  The defense is real and will keep the Texans in a lot of games to the very end this season. Houston 23 Chicago 8.

Prime Time Pick of the Week – Cardinals over Patriots.  The Patriots need Tom Brady like a flower needs the rain, like a dog needs a bone, like a soldier needs a rifle, like a man needs a woman (or another man as the case may be), like a preacher needs the collection plate, like an old man needs his false teeth, like a crack ho needs a rock, like Red needs to give this one a rest. Arizona 31 New England 17.

Shit Bowl Pick of the Week – Colts over Lions. Talk about two teams that underperformed last season.  The Colts season effectively ended before Christmas when they lost to the Texans at home for the first time ever.  Yes, they rallied to win the last two games against the hapless Dolphins and the battered Titans, but they lost control of their fate by losing the 16-10 snoozefest to the Texans in Week 15.  That capped off a 3 game losing streak that took the Colts from almost certainly securing a playoff spot – to on the outside looking in for a change.  The Colts are likely no better this season.  Red has them going 8-8 and finishing at the bottom of the heap in the AFC South.  Meanwhile, no team had a harder fall than the Lions in 2015.  By Week 7 they had already lost 6 games, more than they lost in the entire 2014 season.  They did rally to finish 6-2 over the second half of the season and did win in Green Bay for the first time in 25 years, but other than that 2015 was pretty much a complete write-off for Matt Stafford and friends.  Things look worse this season without Megatron and with Stafford clearly established as a third tier talent.  The Colts better enjoy this one, because it won’t get any easier.  If you are still watching this turgid turd tussle in the second half, make sure your seat belt is fastened, your seat back and tray table are in their full upright and locked position.  It’s going to be a rough landing. Indianapolis 29 Detroit 10,

 

A Very Wet August in Texas

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The Austin American-Statesman reports that August has been exactly as wet as Red thought it was – that would be very wet.

Persistent rain in Texas has made August 2016 the wettest August in more than a century and equal to the rainiest August ever.

Preliminary figures from the State Climatologist office at Texas A&M University show Texas received an average 5.69 inches of rain statewide. That’s the same amount measured in 1914, the present record holder for the month based on records that go back to 1895.

State Climatologist John Nielsen-Gammon credits the rainfall to an atmospheric wind pattern that pumped lots of deep, moist tropical air into Texas, with heaviest rainfall mainly in east, central and southeast parts of the state. He says it could stay wet for the next couple of months, since September and October historically are the wettest months of the year in Texas.

Texas Fails Again in Attempt to Suppress Voting

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Off the Kuff reports on the latest lawsuit over voting rights that Texas has lost.  The issue concerned Malika Das, an Indian-American woman who wanted her son to help her at the poll in case she did not understand instructions in English.  The precinct chair at her Williamson County polling station denied her the right to her son’s assistance based on an arcane Texas law that requires an interpreter to be registered in the same county as the voter.  U.S. District Robert Pitman ruled that the law was in violation of the Voting Rights Act which guarantees voters the right to assistance in these circumstances.  In addition to voiding the law, Pitman gave the State 7 days to provide “additional remedies” needed to protect the rights of limited-language voters.  It will be interesting to see what the lawyers for the state come up with in this regard.

Red notes that Williamson County is GOP stronghold.  Perhaps just a coincidence.  Perhaps not.

Texas White House Replica for Sale

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Rear portico of the White House replica in La Porte, facing Galveston Bay. Longing for a little White House of your own right here in the Lone Star State.  Well John Daugherty Realtors has just the ticket for you.  Built in 1927 in LaPorte by former Gov. Ross Sterling, the 20,689 square foot replica of the White House has 9 bedrooms and 11 bathrooms and sits on 5 acres overlooking Galveston Bay.  Featuring a rotunda portico terrace, double reversed presentation staircase and a grand salon/ballroom, the Western White House can be yours for a mere $5,995,000.   But be prepared to pay the estimated $108,000 in property taxes each year you own the faux presidential palace.

Red’s Version of Trump’s Speech

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Thank you. Thank you. Wow.  How about my daughter Ivanka.  Wouldn’t every red-blooded male in the room like to be stupping that – except for that Peter Thiel guy – he can go after Lyin’ Ted. Yeah!

You know I crushed him and all the other pathetic losers in the primaries – without breaking a sweat.  And when I do sweat, I sweat profusely.  Nobody sweats like me. My sweat could irrigate the desert.  There are winners and losers – and face it most of you are pathetic losers who need a winner like me to take control so that we can win some more.  Winning – that’s what its all about.  You are going to be tired of winning.  When I am finished with this country – everyone will utterly despise winning.   I might even be a little tired of it.

We are going to win the trade war by some unspecified and unknowable means.  We are going to build a wall and have Mexico pay for it – again by some unspecified means.  We are going to kick ISIS’s butt – do I have to spell it out for you.  Hopefully not, because I flunked spelling.  Get used to it.  Winners don’t tell you how they are going to win – you just have to take my word for it.  Like all those folks who enrolled at Trump U or took it in the shorts in my multiple bankruptcies.

Here’s the most important thing.  We are all going to Hell in a handbasket.   ISIS, criminals, cop killers, terrorists, illegal aliens, gypsies, tramps and thieves.  Not to mention famine, plague, pestilence and death.   And it’s all Hillary’s fault with a touch of Obama added for good measure.  And there is only one solution to the problem – ME!  That’s right, without me taking the helm you are all f@#ked!  Royally.  I am the only solution.  I am the chosen one.  I am the second coming.  Everybody kneel!  Hail the Donald!

And Crooked Hillary.  She cannot even imagine what I am going to do to her.  When I am through with her, she will beg for death.  She is so crooked – believe me it takes a crook to know one.  Did I say that.  Who cares?  Ha Ha!  Really, I can’t wait to destroy her – it will be fun.

We are going to stop leading from behind.  In fact, we are going to stop leading.  Let the rest of the world take care of itself.  If Putin – a really great guy by the way – wants Estonia – who are we to say no.  And if they are a member of NATO – screw that.  They’re losers and losers get eaten.  You know by who?  By winners like me and my buddy Vlad.

We are going to defeat Islamic terrorism quickly.  Just like that.  I think it will only require killing about 100,000,000 folks.  I could do that before dinner tomorrow right now.  Imagine how easy it will be when I have nukes!

And all those weak-kneed Republicans in Congress who hated on me.  Well guess what bozos, there’s going to be a new sheriff in town and he is coming to kick ass and take names – I’ve got one right here it says “Mitch McConnell.”  Another paunchy, sad-sack loser.  Just ask Lyin’ Ted.

Okay, I’m really tired of you people worshipping me so I am going to leave.  Like I need more loser love.

Quote for the Day

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“He doesn’t know the difference between truth and lies. He lies practically every word that comes out of his mouth. And he had a pattern that I think is straight out of a psychology textbook. His response is to accuse everybody else of lying. He accuses everybody on that debate stage of lying, and it’s simply a mindless yell. Whatever he does, he accuses everyone else of doing. The man cannot tell the truth, but he combines it with being a narcissist. A narcissist at a level I don’t think this country has ever seen.  . . . Everything in Donald’s world is about Donald. And he combines being a pathological liar, and I say pathological because I actually think Donald if you hooked him up to a lie detector test, he could say one thing in the morning, one thing at noon, and one thing in the evening, all contradictory, and he’d pass the lie detector test each time. Whatever lie he’s telling, at that minute he believes it, but the man is utterly amoral.”

Ted Cruz speaking about Donald Trump.

Is There Anything Ted Cruz Doesn’t Lie About (cont.)?

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At the first Republican debate, Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) emphatically agreed that he would support the GOP nominee.  His pledge was unequivocal.  The curious thing about the question is that it was largely directed at Trump – who was already hinting at a third-party run if he couldn’t get the GOP nod.

But on Thursday morning speaking to the Texas delegation  – which largely worships at the fount of all things Ted Cruz – the junior senator refused to back down from his failure to endorse or even tacitly support Donald Trump during his prime-time speech on Wednesday.  When asked by a member of the delegation why he was back-pedaling on his previous pledge, Cruz claimed it was because of Trump’s attacks on his family.

“I am not in the habit of supporting people who attack my wife and attack my father. And that pledge was not a blanket commitment that if you slander and attack Heidi I’m going to nonetheless go like a servile puppy dog.”

No Cruz is not a servile puppy dog – he is a vicious Rottweiler-Chihuahua mix that will chew up anything that stands in the path of his enormous ego and his overweening ambition.  Cruz obviously believes that Trump will be defeated in November and he is not going down on the USS Donald.  Trump’s attacks on his family are just a convenient excuse for Cruz to play the wounded warrior standing up for truth, justice and the Canadian way.   It is so hard for Cruz to stand to the side and see such a lesser man – as indeed all men are compared to Ted – take the helm of the GOP.

 

 

West Texas has a Sinkhole Problem

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Sinkholes are becoming a major problem in West Texas near Wink.   Here and Now reports on the phenomena and speculates on possible causes.

 

The earth is crumbling in West Texas. Scientists from Southern Methodist University have new research that shows two massive sinkholes between the towns of Wink and Kermit are expanding.

Years of drilling for oil and gas have helped wash away salt beds underneath the ground. A shifting water table has made the problem worse and in some places the ground is sinking five inches a year, according to the satellite readings.

Now there’s concern the pits could converge into one giant hole. “A collapse could be catastrophic,” SMU research scientist Jin-Woo Kim said.

These wounds in the West Texas desert have been around for years. The first hole opened up near an abandoned oil well on June 3, 1980. Twenty-two years later, about a mile away, the second one appeared. From the sky, they look like high-caliber bullet holes

“It’s pretty scary. It’s just a big huge pit,” said Winkler County Sheriff George Keely, who has peered over the edge many times in his career. “It’s like standing on the moon looking into a crater. And you can see where it’s just caved off. It’s broken off over the years more and more. When you look down there, you’re looking at water.”