Individual 1 aka Trumph – the Insult Comic President is pulling our troops out of Syria against the advice of – well, everyone except Vlad Putin and Tayyip Erdogan.  This will leave our Kurdish allies who have really carried the fight against ISIS in Syria to the tender mercies of the Turks who consider them to be a terrorist group.  But Individual 1 desperately needs to change the news cycle for a few days so what does it matter if a whole bunch of Kurds get slaughtered.  So Red has taken the time to translate Individual 1’s thinking on the matter.  You’re welcome.

We (that means me of course) have won (remember I promised lots of winning) against ISIS. We’ve (me again) beaten them (no one believes this other than me – but you know “fake news” and all) and we’ve beaten them badly (or bigly if you prefer). We’ve taken back the land (now available for development – are you listening all you Russians needing to launder money) and now it’s time for our troops to come back home (where I can ignore them in safety and comfort). I get very saddened (it’s all about me after all and my sadness which is a great sadness of course) when I have to write letters (they stopped letting me actually write letters because I kept misspelling “deer” – or so they say) or call parents or wives or husbands of soldiers who have been killed fighting for our country (really me again).