Individual 1 aka Trumph – the Insult Comic President is pulling our troops out of Syria against the advice of – well, everyone except Vlad Putin and Tayyip Erdogan. This will leave our Kurdish allies who have really carried the fight against ISIS in Syria to the tender mercies of the Turks who consider them to be a terrorist group. But Individual 1 desperately needs to change the news cycle for a few days so what does it matter if a whole bunch of Kurds get slaughtered. So Red has taken the time to translate Individual 1’s thinking on the matter. You’re welcome.
We (that means me of course) have won (remember I promised lots of winning) against ISIS. We’ve (me again) beaten them (no one believes this other than me – but you know “fake news” and all) and we’ve beaten them badly (or bigly if you prefer). We’ve taken back the land (now available for development – are you listening all you Russians needing to launder money) and now it’s time for our troops to come back home (where I can ignore them in safety and comfort). I get very saddened (it’s all about me after all and my sadness which is a great sadness of course) when I have to write letters (they stopped letting me actually write letters because I kept misspelling “deer” – or so they say) or call parents or wives or husbands of soldiers who have been killed fighting for our country (really me again).
Red salutes our brave men and women who have served this country in times of peace and war. But mostly war. Because that is what we voted for on Tuesday and Red supports the will of the American people. As Donald Trump said, “I’m really good at war, I love war, in a certain way.” We voted for war, so bring it on, baby. Let’s get to warring.
Red thinks Iran is good first step. We need to bomb the ever-loving shit out of those bastards. As DT said about his love of war “—including with nukes. Yes, including with nukes.” What are we sitting on all these dang nuclear bombs for if we aint gonna use them? Probably only need a dozen or so to turn most of Iran into glass, rubble and vaporized body parts. Red can smell the burning flesh from here and its only just a little bit sickly sweet. But that’s just a good start.
Next step ISIS and Mosul. Red says put about 50,000 troops on the ground, kick their asses back to the Stone Age, take the oil and their Korans and let someone else worry about the rest of the mess.
So let’s make some more veterans and give them a chance to fight in a Donald Trump war – it will be a beautiful war with lots of winning. In fact, you’ll get sick of winning and lose a battle or two just to break up the monotony of victory.
Gov. Greg Abbott (TP-Texas) continues to posture on the issue of allowing Syrian refugees into Texas. Abbott must know that he is powerless to stop legitimately admitted refugees into the State, but that message would not play well with his Tea Party base. So instead, Abbott grandstands making spurious claims about his authority. But under the Refugee Act of 1980, a state governor cannot legally block refugees. Each state has a refugee coordinator, which is funded by the federal government. The coordinator works with relief agencies and directs federal funds for refugees. So while Abbott may be able to throw a wrench or two into the works, there is absolutely nothing he can do to prevent Syrian refugees from coming to Texas.
What our poor idiot governor is really doing is playing into the hands of ISIS. ISIS and the ongoing civil war in Syria have resulted in a flood of refugees overwhelming Europe. ISIS has seemed essentially powerless to stop this incredible population drain. That is until now. It seems clear to Red that ISIS intended the latest attacks in Paris to provoke the exact response we are seeing. Cut off the willingness of Europe, the US and others to accept refugees out of the fear that a few jihadists might slip through, and you will begin to see the end of people fleeing from ISIS because there is nowhere to go. ISIS wins. And that is to say nothing of the moral bankruptcy of abandoning thousands of families who are suffering because of the aftermath of W. Bush’s foolish Iraq warmongering.
Maybe the rise of ISIS was not exactly foreseeable, but that Iraq would descend into chaos unless we kept a major, major military presence there was inevitable. If Red hears, “The Surge worked and Obama lost the war,” one more time his head might explode. The Surge working only because, the die-hard Iraqis were smart enough to realize that they could wait us out and that there was no way the US was ready for a decades long occupation of Iraq. What has happened was more or less inevitable, but was also greatly aided by the civil war in Syria. And as much as we might like to, we cannot simply wash our hands of this mess. Taking legitimate refugees is a part of American tradition and responsibility that we cannot now turn our backs on. Unless, of course, you want ISIS to win.
Virginia Congressman and Tea Party Wannabe Rep. David Brat is claiming that ISIS has set up shop in Texas and that the worst is yet to come. According to the Houston Chronicle, Brat has been speculating about goings on in the Lone Star State.
U.S. Rep. David Brat (R-Virginia) told conservative talk radio host Rusty Humphries that a Middle Eastern militia had already raised its black flag in the Lone Star State.
“In our country it looks like we have an ISIS center in Texas now, that’s been reported last week,” he said. “You can’t make up what a terrible problem this is.”
OMG, get your guns and run for the hills. Life as we know it is over. But make sure our law enforcement officials know what is going on before we get the hell out of Dallas.
Texas Department of Public Safety spokesman Tom Vinger said, “There is absolutely nothing to substantiate such a claim.”
CNN reports that ISIS has claimed responsibility for the incompetent goons who attacked a group holding a Mohammed Art Contest apparently designed to provoke just such an attack.
In a broadcast on its official radio channel Tuesday, the group said two Al Khilafa soldiers opened fire outside the event in Garland, a Dallas suburb. Al Khilafa is how ISIS refers to its soldiers. CNN cannot confirm the claim, and ISIS offered no evidence that the gunmen were affiliates with the terror organization. The gunmen . . . wounded a security guard before police shot and killed them.
“We say to the defenders of the cross, the U.S., that future attacks are going to be harsher and worse. The Islamic State soldiers will inflict harm on you with the grace of God. The future is just around the corner.”
Red has always contended that if terrorists wanted to bring the nation to its knees for a few weeks, all they need is about 1000 kooks armed with hunting rifles willing to die. Remember what two guys with a rifle and a van did to the DC area over a decade ago. If this is indicative of the caliber of kooks that are available, then fortunately for us, ISIS will have trouble finding anyone with half a brain.