Red cannot reveal his sources, but he has obtained a copy of the speech Donald Trump intends to deliver at his fund-raising events in Dallas, San Antonio, Houston and The Woodlands over the next two days.
Thank you, thank you for that great reception. Thank you. But really doesn’t a great person like me deserve a great reception. Please stop. You know, Joe Stalin had a policy that at his speeches the first person who stopped clapping would be taken out and shot. Great idea, but you don’t really need that kind of incentive here in [insert city] to keep applauding for me.
First of all, let me make this clear. I don’t need your money. I could win this race without spending a dime. I don’t really want your money, but if you don’t spend it on my campaign, you might do something stupid with it like spending it on a worthless night school program that makes ridiculous promises and fails to deliver – like Hillary. So since you are here, a check would be nice. That is if you have anything left over after backing that Canadian loser Ted Cruz.
So let’s talk about winning. You know I love winning. I won a bunch of primaries and would have won more if that Canadian loser Ted Cruz had dropped out before I pummeled him into the dirt – like I’ll do to Hillary. There is going to be a lot of winning, victories, endzone dances and other celebrations. I know you are tired of hearing me tell you that you will be tired of winning – but you will be tired – dog tired. You will be as tired of winning as that Canadian loser Ted Cruz is tired of losing. Ask him. Hang around – he’ll be cleaning the toilets in the Men’s room after this speech.
So let’s talk about the Muslims – and I don’t mean Obama – even though he clearly is a Muslim, socialist, terrorist-sympathizer. And you, know people – and I mean the worthless leftwing media – say I am accusing the president of being a traitor. Well let’s call a spade a spade – no pun intended. I mean what has Obama done to take down ISIS other than bomb the shit out of them and kill off most of their leaders. How weak can you get. Those raghead, camel jockey, dune coons won’t know what hit them once I am president.
And here in Texas, you all know about the border. I will build that wall and who will pay for it [wait for it]. That’s right. Of course, I won’t tell you how that is going to work and you’re just going to have to trust me here. But that wall is going to be built and we are going to throw all of the murdering, raping, thieving illegal aliens over that wall and set up a free fire zone along the border. You come across the wall – you get shot – think of Berlin in the 1960’s. Who wants to shoot an illegal alien? Yeah!
And what happened in Orlando – all because of our weak-kneed President who let this killer be born in our country. It’s sad. Because you know I love the gays. I thought about being gay myself – but you’ve seen my wife. Get real. Like I’m going to let some leathered up dude poke me when I could be stupping that? But I do love and respect the gays. Where do you think I got this hair?
So when you go to bed tonight Texas, pray for me and for our country – but mostly for me – because without me this country is headed straight down the shit pipe. Good night [insert city here] and God Bless!