Category Archives: Presidential Campaign 2016

Hillary Clinton Needs to Shut the F#(k Up

In a seemingly never-ending campaign to attribute her loss to Trump to everything but herself and her pathetic campaign that snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, Hillary continues to find new grist for the blame mill.  Red thinks it is beyond high time that Hillary rides off into the sunset as the closing credits scroll.  Either that or do something positive with the rest of your life – say like dignified elder statesman Jimmy Carter.  Instead, it has been a non-stop petulant whine fest.  The Democrats need to move on from this loser and from the Clintons – FOREVER.   But because it is unlikely that Hillary will neither go away mad or just go away, Red has some additional reasons for her next stop on the nation-wide excuse tour of the would be Madame President.

The ghost of Buddy peed on my debate prep papers.

Everyone told me Michigan and Wisconsin had seceded from the Union.

That Canadian bastard Justin Trudeau stole my thunder.

Not to mention that Stein bitch!

Bill’s peckerdillos blunted my brilliant jabs at Trump’s blatant sexual harassment problems.

Who knew Pennsylvania would be critical?

I really thought I would win Texas.

My best power pantsuit got lost at the dry cleaners.

Botox injections made my brain stiff instead.

Bernie,  Bernie, Bernie, Bernie, Bernie  . . .

Joe Biden is just too damn lovable.  We all pale by comparison.

Ran out of body bags.

Face it, the Democrats are just pathetic losers – I would have been a Republican but for Bill (and Nixon).

I decided to tank it just to spite Bill.  Plus I got great odds with my London bookie.

When the going gets tough, I get the flu.

For some unfathomable reason, many voters thought I was a cold, heartless, robotic, lying sack of shit.

Massive voter fraud – turns out the illegal aliens loved Trump.

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Trump’s “Landslide”

As readers know, Red fully supports the full implementation of the Trump/GOP agenda – beginning with putting Hillary in jail – because Red believes that the people should get the government they deserve.  And in this case the people deserve to get screwed by Trump, something that he has distinctly mastered in his business career.

But Red’s full-throated support for –  building the wall (at Mexico’s expense), deporting 11 million aliens, jailing (or if you really believe abortion is murder giving the death penalty or life without parole) to women who get abortions and the doctors who perform them, eviscerating environmental regulations, making the wealthy wealthier and letting Vlad Putin rebuild the Evil Empire, –  does not and will not get in the way of Red calling “Bullshit” where he sees it.

The number one piece of bullshit being touted by the Trumpistas right now is that Trump won in a landslide.  It’s  always TRUMP WON IN AN electoral college LANDSLIDE!!!  In typical Trump fashion, the belief apparently is that if you repeat Bullshit often enough, people will come to believe it.  Well Bullshit is Bullshit and this landslide talk is utter Bullshit.

We all know Trump lost the popular vote by a wide margin.  He got a smaller percentage of the popular vote than Romney, McCain and Kerry – the last 3 losers.  He did win the Electoral College – but hardly in a landslide.  He will be president because he won Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin.  Let’s break it down.

Michigan – Trump wins by 11,000 votes out of over 2.5 million votes cast

Pennsylvania – Trump wins by 45,000 votes out of almost 6 million votes cast

Wisconsin – Trump wins by 23,000 votes out of about 2.8 million votes cast

That is 79,000 votes that swung 46 Electoral College votes to Trump –  which is more than his “Landslide” margin of victory in the EC.  To put it in perspective that is about like Beaumont deciding the presidential election.

So stop with the “Landslide” nonsense.  Here is what a real Electoral College Landslide looks like.

Sorry Jimmy, but Ronnie put a butt-whipping on you in 1980.



Do You Hear that Sound, Donald?

It’s the fat lady warming up.

Most prognosticators, including Red, believe that Donald Trump killed off whatever last chance he had at turning the election around when he refused to acknowledge that he would accept the results of the election should he lose.  And given Putin’s interference in the election through hacking of the Democrats, there was still a chance.  Yes, there might be legitimate grounds for asking for a recount or challenging specific aspects of the vote, but Trump’s comments were in line with his previous claim that the election is “rigged” and that the American people cannot trust their local election officials (the majority of whom are in fact Republicans) to conduct an open and fair vote.  This is a basic repudiation of electoral system and our democracy and reveals the true character of Trump as a whining, petulant bully who is the first to cry foul when he doesn’t get his way.

Red Decides to Help the Grand Old Party

In the interest of continuing to have at least a viable two way contest for the highest office in the land, Red had decided that the GOP needs some help to remain competitive in presidential politics.  Red firmly believes that voter in the USA need to hear voices from all sides and make an informed choice. So listen up conservative America because Red has lived with you all dang near all his life and even once saw Dick Nixon play the piano. The best advice Red can give the Republicans is pretty simple.

             Stop nominating Assholes!

Best of luck with that strategy in the future.

Ten Things Donald Trump Could Say and Not Lose Support from the Tea Party Wing

1. Slavery, really not so bad.  We should consider giving it another chance.

2. Defeating Hitler.  Bad idea from the Democrats.  Cost a lot of lives for nothing. I would have voted against that.

3. Executing innocent people.  It happens.  Maybe we need to execute more innocent people to make this country great again.  Only I can make that happen.

4. Wait for it folks.  January 21, 2017, I will be declared your new dictator-for-life.  Trust me, it’s gonna be great.

5. Last night I offed a homeless illegal immigrant.  Took out my Glock and I blew his f&#king head off. Didn’t even have to get out of the limo.  That’s one down, 11,999,999 to go.

6. Can you believe those morons that paid to attend Trump University?  What a bunch of pathetic losers.  They deserved to have me steal their money.

7.  I wear ladies underwear – bra and panties.

8.  If you lost a son or daughter in Iraq, well sorry.  My boys were too busy killing big game in Africa to fool with fighting in a war.  That’s what smart rich kids do. And if they had, they wouldn’t have been stupid enough to die for their country.

9. I remember when Hillary was working as a prostitute.  I’d see her on the street and kept wondering who pays good money to stup that.

10. I worship Satan and let me tell you it’s  fabulous.  You can’t believe what a great guy he is.  The ladies love him.  God is so jealous.


Texas’ Very Own Spineless Weasel from the Species bushpolitico spinoabsentata

George Pee Bush endorsed Donald Trump for President on Monday and urged other to vote for the man who had such nice things to say about dear old Dad JEB!!!!$$$$? (damn it feels good to type that one again!).  Here’s a sample.

“He’s a total stiff, Jeb Bush.”  Red has to disagree here as this seems to imply the presence of a spine – something demonstrably lacking in this species.

“Loser.” Hard to argue with that one in retrospect.

“The last thing we need is another Bush.”  Again, Red has to concede on that one – but shouldn’t George Pee be taking notes for future reference.

“Not a smart man.”  Trump nails it again. Red has it on good authority that JEB!!!!$$$$?’s college roommate referred to him as “the stupidest person I have ever met.”

“Here’s a guy, honestly, if he weren’t in government, you wouldn’t hire him to do anything, okay? If you had a company you wouldn’t even hire him.”  But wouldn’t the lack of hiring prevent the Donald from using his “You’re Fired” tag line. Oh well, sacrifices must be made for the greater cause.

“I don’t have a lot of respect for Jeb. Jeb’s a lightweight.”    Red assumes that “featherweight” is a bit too obscure.

“He’s a sad person who has gone absolutely crazy. I mean, this guy is a nervous wreck.”  Cue the violins.

And finally, the greatest insult of all.

“He’s an embarrassment to his family.”  Considering the considerable competition in the familial embarrassment category available from big brother’s track record of incompetence, Dad’s humiliating loss to Slick Willie and little brother’s shameful business dealings, Red can’t really imagine that anything worse could be said about JEB!!!!$$$$?

So what kind of completely spineless weasel, suck up, sycophant endorses someone who has said these things about his father?



Preview of Donald Trump’s Speech in Texas

Red cannot reveal his sources, but he has obtained a copy of the speech Donald Trump intends to deliver at his fund-raising events in Dallas, San Antonio, Houston and The Woodlands over the next two days.

Thank you, thank you for that great reception.  Thank you.  But really doesn’t a great person like me deserve a great reception.  Please stop.  You know, Joe Stalin had a policy that at his speeches the first person who stopped clapping would be taken out and shot.  Great idea, but you don’t really need that kind of incentive here in [insert city] to keep applauding for me.

First of all, let me make this clear. I don’t need your money.  I could win this race without spending a dime.  I don’t really want your money, but if you don’t spend it on my campaign, you might do something stupid with it like spending it on a worthless night school program that makes ridiculous promises and fails to deliver  –  like Hillary.  So since you are here, a check would be nice.  That is if you have anything left over after backing that Canadian loser Ted Cruz.

So let’s talk about winning.  You know I love winning.  I won a bunch of primaries and would have won more if that Canadian loser Ted Cruz had dropped out before I pummeled him into the dirt  – like I’ll do to Hillary.  There is going to be a lot of winning, victories, endzone dances and other celebrations.   I know you are tired of hearing me tell you that you will be tired of winning – but you will be tired – dog tired.  You will be as tired of winning as that Canadian loser Ted Cruz is tired of losing.  Ask him.  Hang around – he’ll be cleaning the toilets in the Men’s room after this speech.

So let’s talk about the Muslims – and I don’t mean Obama – even though he clearly is a Muslim, socialist, terrorist-sympathizer.  And you, know people – and I mean the worthless leftwing media –  say I am accusing the president of being a traitor.  Well let’s call a spade a spade – no pun intended.  I mean what has Obama done to take down ISIS other than bomb the shit out of them and kill off most of their leaders.  How weak can you get.   Those raghead, camel jockey, dune coons won’t know what hit them once I am president.

And here in Texas, you all know about the border.  I will build that wall and who will pay for it  [wait for it].  That’s right.  Of course, I won’t tell you how that is going to work and you’re just going to have to trust me here.  But that wall is going to be built and we are going to throw all of the murdering, raping, thieving illegal aliens over that wall and set up a free fire zone along the border.  You come across the wall – you get shot – think of Berlin in the 1960’s.  Who wants to shoot an illegal alien?   Yeah!

And what happened in Orlando – all because of our weak-kneed President who let this killer be born in our country.  It’s sad.  Because you know I love the gays.  I thought about being gay myself – but you’ve seen my wife.  Get real.  Like I’m going to let some leathered up dude poke me when I could be stupping that?  But I do love and respect the gays.  Where do you think I got this hair?

So when you go to bed tonight Texas, pray for me and for our country – but mostly for me – because without me this country is headed straight down the shit pipe.  Good night [insert city here] and God Bless!

Cruz Stomped in Northeast and Mid-Atlantic

Here are the numbers for Cruz from last night GOP primaries:

Pennsylvania    21.6%

Maryland           18.9

Rhode Island    10.4

Connecticut     11.7

Delaware           15.9

Cruz barely avoided single digits in Rhode Island and Connecticut and was generally stomped elsewhere finishing behind Trump and the weakling Kasich.  Pennsylvania was the sole “dim” spot for Cruz last night where he eked out a second place finish over Kasich but still lost by almost 40 points to Trump.  Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago that Cruz was bloviating about how 65% of Republican voters had rejected Donald Trump.  Well last night, close to 85% of Republican voters rejected Ted Cruz.

Cruz’s only path to the nomination is to pray for Trump to fall just short of first ballot victory and then sneak away from Cleveland with a second or third ballot nomination.  If that happens, almost every commentator is predicting rioting in the streets.

And then there is this from Cruz:  “If you want to beat Donald Trump, the way to do so is not some backroom deal in Washington that steals the nomination and hands it to someone who hasn’t won at the ballot box. The way instead is to beat Donald trump at the polls.”

Listen to yourself Ted.

The End of the Bromance between “Lyin’ Ted” and “The Donald”

The Texas Tribune adeptly chronicles the rise and fall of the bromance between Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) and Donald Trump.

Nine months ago,  Ted Cruz called Donald Trump “terrific.” Two weeks ago, he called the real estate mogul “a sniveling coward.”

It’s been an emotional rollercoaster for the two leading candidates for the Republican presidential nomination, with Cruz, a U.S. Senator from Texas, initially distinguishing himself last summer as the only candidate to fully embrace Trump’s unexpected bid for the White House. 

As other contenders fell by the wayside, the pair’s friendship first fractured and then died, only to be quickly replaced with an intense hostility.

In the words of Willie Nelson, “There’s nothing cold as ashes after the fire is gone.”

Whither the GOP (cont.)?

Salon does an excellent job of explaining the choice now facing Republican voters in choosing between (1) Donald Trump – running for President on a cult of personality that would make Kim Jung Il blush; or (2) Sen. Ted Cruz (TP-Texas) who would likely be the most radical major party candidate to ever win the nomination.

Indeed, last year the site analyzed the voting records, public policy statements, and fundraising sources of 32 major Republican presidential candidates, going all the way back to Barry Goldwater, and concluded that Cruz was the most right-wing candidate out of this entire group.


Per this analysis, Cruz is far more right-wing than such relatively “liberal” figures — all from that distant era before the Republican Party was taken over by hard-right ideologues — as Richard Nixon, Bob Dole and George H.W. Bush.  He is also much more right-wing than Mitt Romney and John McCain.  But that isn’t the half of it: based on their respective political records, Ted Cruz makes Newt Gingrich, Ronald Reagan and the current Tea Party-dominated Republican Congress look liberal by comparison.