Well, Uncle Red improved slightly this week to 3-3. Red is now 5-7 for the season having sat out the first week due to injury. Red’s biggest bust so far is having predicted the Texans to go 10-6 and win the AFC South – a pick that looks sadly laughable now. The biggest surprise is the Dolphins leading the AFC East with a 3-0 record. So let’s start there.
Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Dolphins over Patriots. This is the GOTW simply because it could herald the end of (or at least a hiatus from) the Patriots era of excellence in the NFL. If the Pats go 1-3 with the lone win coming against the lowly and loathsome Texans, they will be 3 full games behind the 4-0 Dolphins and looking at possible losses to the Chiefs, Bears, Packers, Stealers and maybe the Dolphins again. 8-8 is not out of the question if the Pats collapse again on Sunday. However, Red never discounts the ability of Bellicheat to resurrect his team and win 11-12 games year in/year out. As for the Dolphins, Red doesn’t think anyone imagined that the Ryan Tannehill/Danny Amendola connection would be much of a factor or that tired old Frank Gore would still be productive. Dolphins need to take advantage and kick the Pats in the Nads before they get up again. Miami 28 New England 24.
Your National TV Game of the Week – Chiefs over Broncos. It’s kind of slim pickings on the National TV front this week – but the Chiefs appear to be always worth watching and the Broncos don’t suck yet (stay tuned for updates on that one). The only question for the Chiefs may be – Will they score less than 35 points in any game this season? Red guesses that might happen maybe twice and possibly only after the Chiefs have secured a first round bye and home field advantage. Patrick Mahomes looks unstoppable and has a full array of pretty cool weapons at his disposal. Okay, Red will stop counting chickens now. Broncos are doing it with productive tandem of Lindsay and Freeman in the backfield and the dynamic duo of Thomas and Sanders at wideout. That’s enough talent around Case Keenum to win some games. Just not this week. Kansas City 42 Denver 30.
Your Texas Game of the Week – Lions over Cowboys. Red thinks the Lions can meet the exacting standards of the “Red Rule” this week – which is – score 15 points and beat the Cowboys. The Boys’ utter offensive ineptitude is really quite spectacular at this point. If the Cowboys hit 1-5, Red thinks that Jerry Jones will jettison Jason and jump to Jimmy Johnson (just joking). Matt Stafford has a happy homecoming. Detroit 24 Arlington 14.
Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Eagles over Titans. Red blew this one last week as the Saints/Falcons game was a total barnburner. If that happens with the Eagles and Titans this week, Red will eat his mouse. Even so, it’s hard to call a game disappointing when it features two teams who have yet to put up more than 21 points in a game all season. Both teams are coming off real snoozers with the Eagles having to rally to beat the crumbling Colts and the Titans being totally pumped up from the 9-6 field goal fest whipping of the Jaguars (who were obviously hungover after stomping the Pats). Look for a low scoring boring struggle in the middle of the field. That is unless Carson Wentz is really back. Philadelphia 13 Tennessee 9.
Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Browns over Raiders. So far this season, the time zone hex is working in reverse. This week the Browns overcome the triple reverse time zone hex to win back to back games for the first time since the Reagan administration. Actually in 2014, the Browns won three in a row over the Raiders, Buccaneers and Bengals in Weeks 7, 8 and 9 and were 6-3 and eyeing the post-season before collapsing on their way to a 7-9 record. Is Baker Mayfield the one to break the Browns curse of first round quarterbacks wasted? Maybe. Meanwhile on the west coast, Jolly Jon Gruden continues to tear apart the Raiders to remake them in his own image. Too bad he is using a photo from the 80’s. Cleveland 24 Oakland 17.
This Week’s Shit Bowl – Colts over Texans. If another pathetic and lost season is what it takes to get rid of Bill O’ the Clown, then so be it. And it will be a cold day on S. Main before Red picks the Texans to win again. On two occasions, once against the Stealers in the home opener of the 2005 season and again against the Jets in the opener of the 2009 season, Red endured the misery of a completely incompetent first half and at half time remarked to his friend the “Big Dog” (who was also in attendance) that if Red were Bob McNair he would have left the owner’s box at halftime, gone down to the locker room and summarily fired the head coach (Dom Capers and later Gary Kubiak). He might have made the same remark if he had been in attendance on Sunday. The only good thing Red has to say about the Colts is that they are not the Texans. Have your significant other strap you to the LazyBoy if you dare watch this cruddy crap contest because otherwise ye might be tempted to run screaming to the nearest alligator infested body of water and dive in feet first. Indianapolis 13 Houston 9.