How Trumph – the Insult Comic President™ – Makes Appointment Decisions

Red is now privy to a top-secret White House memorandum which outlines the fascinating process by which the Trumph administration vets and selects candidates to fill the most sensitive and important positions in the executive branch.  As a marker of his efficiency, Trumph has streamlined the process which under previous presidents was unduly onerous and time consuming.  It is now a straightforward four step inquiry.

  1. Does this person have a well-established track record as a conservative partisan political hack (bonus points for appearances on Fox News praising me – extra bonus points for being a Fox News employee)?
  2. Has this person engaged in unethical, fraudulent or questionable business practices involving the fleecing of average Americans?
  3. When push comes to shove, will this person set aside any moral convictions they might have, any allegiance to the rule of law or the U.S. Constitution, any consideration of past precedent or institutional norms and cover my fat ass at all costs without consideration of damage to their personal or political reputations?
  4. If yes, yes and yes – hire them!

 

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