Red is now privy to a top-secret White House memorandum which outlines the fascinating process by which the Trumph administration vets and selects candidates to fill the most sensitive and important positions in the executive branch. As a marker of his efficiency, Trumph has streamlined the process which under previous presidents was unduly onerous and time consuming. It is now a straightforward four step inquiry.
- Does this person have a well-established track record as a conservative partisan political hack (bonus points for appearances on Fox News praising me – extra bonus points for being a Fox News employee)?
- Has this person engaged in unethical, fraudulent or questionable business practices involving the fleecing of average Americans?
- When push comes to shove, will this person set aside any moral convictions they might have, any allegiance to the rule of law or the U.S. Constitution, any consideration of past precedent or institutional norms and cover my fat ass at all costs without consideration of damage to their personal or political reputations?
- If yes, yes and yes – hire them!
Fox News stalwart Bill O’Reilly is out at Fox News after mounting pressure from advertisers and others in the wake of revelations that O’Reilly/Fox had paid $13 million to settle 5 sexual harassment lawsuits (does anyone besides Red remember the loofa incident?). According to his attorney, O’Reilly “has been subjected to a brutal campaign of character assassination that is unprecedented in post-McCarthyist America.” How sad. If that is the case, then why didn’t Bill-O fight at least some of the numerous allegations that were made against him? Multi-million dollar settlements don’t grow on trees and usually mean that there are some witnesses and documents to back up the claims.
Anyhow, somewhere Keith Olberman (the originator of the “Bill-O the Clown” moniker – Red only wishes he had thought of it first) is knocking back a scotch, lighting up a Cuban and having a good laugh.
Red predicts that Bill-O will land on his feet at One America News – an outfit that makes Fox News look downright fair and balanced. Plus, OAN has without a doubt the best-looking line up of female anchors and commentators. It will be a field day for O’Reilly. Here are some of the gals just waiting for Bill:
Liz “It Was This Big” Wheeler.
Lilia “Always Wears Bikini When Not Reading News” Fifield
Kaushal “Elephant Lover” Patel
Greta “Why Do I Have to Cover the Democrats” Wall