Red’s NFL Picks 2018 – Week 16

Red was 4-3 last week and made a mistake in picking an extra game.  F#(%ing Cowboys! That puts Red at 36-40 for the season with only two weeks to pull some smelly scabrous mascot out of the hat.  As noted, Red has not been picking against the line this season and maybe that was a mistake as his work might have had some redeeming value.  As it stands, not so much.

Your Game of the Week Game of the Week – Stealers over Saints.  The Stealers found new life in survival against the Patriots last week.  That sort of hard fought win can propel a team into a desperately needed season-closing win streak or just be a dead cat bounce.  The Stealers offensive line is capable of taking over a game on a good week.  They do it on the Bayou this week and enjoy playing in the controlled environment for a change.  Make no mistake, the Saints may be the best team in the NFL right now – but even the best can be beat.  Pittsburgh 29 New Orleans 28.

Your National TV Game of the Week – Chiefs over Seahawks.  Yes, Red has prominently featured the Chiefs all season, but no team has played in more interesting games than the boys from the great plains.  This week is no exception.  The Seahawks need a win to keep pace in a jumbled NFC wild card race.  The Chiefs have clinched a playoff spot but need a win to keep pace with the hard-charging Chargers (sorry but it’s true).  Both teams need wins, both teams can win, both teams can lose.  Red is really on a triteness roll this morning.  Enough!  Watch this game.  Kansas City 41 Seattle 37.

Your Texas Game of the Week –  Eagles over Texans.  The Texans are just not playing very well right now.  It took a ridiculous number of field goals for them to dispatch the Jets – who don’t completely suck thanks to Mr. Darnold.  While watching the game, Mrs. Red exclaimed, “Is his name really Darn Old?”  Yep, he’s that darn old quarterback.  This week they face the resurgent Eagles with “big ass chip on his shoulder still” Nick Foles at the helm.  Nick has big money to play for.  He makes big time plays this week.  Philadelphia 25 Houston 21.

Your Disappointing Game of the Week – Bears over 49ers.  It seems that no team can stop  the mighty Bears right now – certainly not the smoking ruins of the 49ers once glorious franchise.  The only issue might be a slight hangover after having rolled and smoked the hated rival Packers last week.  It’s not enough but might make this one a bit closer than otherwise expected.  Chicago 20 Santa Clara 16.

Your Time Zone Hex Game of the Week – Chargers over Ravens.  The time zone hex has been a particularly poor indicator this season.  Red is left to wonder if the best days of the hex have been eviscerated by better front office planning and easier in-week workouts.   The Chargers do not need the hex factor to dispatch a mediocre Ravens team travelling on one of the 4-5 longest road trips possible in the NFL (Red believes Seattle-Miami takes the top spot but Boston- LA may not be far behind).  Chargers cost Red a shot at a much needed fantasy football championship last week by going for the win instead of taking the game to OT.  But he cannot fault balls.  No balls really needed this week – other than the oblate spheroid.   Los Angeles 45 Baltimore 22.

This Week’s Shit Bowl – Broncos over Raiders.  My how the mighty have fallen.  These are two teams that could have been somebody in recent seasons, instead of a bum which is what they are (with apologies to Marlon Brando).  But with a combined 19 losses between them they are both deserving of placement in the penultimate Shit Bowl.  Red kind of likes Case Keenum despite his having played at POS UH.  And after last season, it looked like a big mistake for the Texans to have let this guy get away.  Now, not so much.  15 TDs against 12 INTs and 32 sacks is not a prescription for success.  Throw in his 8 fumbles (of which miraculously only one has been lost) and you have about 4 semi-disastrous plays per game without much to offset it.  The overall lack of talent is clearly not his fault, but great QBs make those around them play better and that has not happened here.  As for the Raiders, the less said the better as they skulk their way out of Oakland for the second time in franchise history leaving the emaciated ghost of Dead Al Davis to wander for all eternity croaking “Just win baby” in a voice that can only be heard when the wind blows in from Mantica.  Denver 17 Oakland 3.

 

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