Author Archives: Red from Texas

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About Red from Texas

I'm proud to be Red. I have lived most of my life in Texas and I love this place. Here are a few things you should know about me. 1. I am happily married and intend to stay so. 2. I live in a house that is older than you, unless you are really old. 3. I own 2 rifles and a shotgun. I think handguns are just trouble. 4. I have never killed a man, but have taken out some deer and hogs. 5. I was a good student, but never close to being valedictorian. 6. In no particular order I like the Houston Texans, San Antonio Spurs, Houston Astros, FC Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur, Texas Longhorns and Houston Dynamo. 7. I hate Dallas but always have a good time when I go there. 8. I was a Dallas Cowboys fan for 26 years but declared that I was no longer a fan during the 1987 strike. 9. I don't own any pets. I like cats, and a good dog and I have met at least 3 of them in my lifetime. 10. I think the best part of Texas is west of I-35. 11. I own two pairs of cowboy boots, but don't wear them very often. 12. I don't have a pronounced Texas accent, but can affect one when needed. 13. My last meal would be fried shrimp with tartar sauce, a baked potato with all the fixins', a dinner salad with 1000 Island dressing, yeast rolls and chocolate fudge pie for dessert. 14. I'm an old Dad, but my children are none of your business. 15. I have two degrees from UT-Austin and somehow managed to fall in love with and marry an Aggie. 16. Most of my family are right-wing nut jobs but I love them anyway. 17. When I get to play golf on a regular basis, I shoot in the low 80's. 18. I don't get to play golf on a regular basis. 19. I think Fort Worth is the best town in Texas by a long shot. 20. I have a mean herb garden. Regards, Red P.S. Remember it's not a color, it's a state of mind.

Red’s 2024 Weekly NFL Rankings – Week 17

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RED  Week 17

Red missed a lot of action last week what with the holidays, multiple family visits, overeating, and general EOY listlessness.  But he springs back into action for your final 2024 weekly ranking because after this week it’s the playoffs and none of this will matter. 

  1. Kansas City Chiefs (15-1).  Not quite as dramatic this week.  Who will sit for the meaningless game against the Broncos?
  2. Minnesota Vikings (14-2).  Turns out Darn Old Sam has the Vikings on the verge of a top finish in the NFC and a 1st round bye.  The Lions may have something to say about that.
  3. Buffalo Bills (13-3).  Nobody wants to play the Bills in the playoffs – well, except for maybe the Chiefs.
  4. Detroit Lions (14-2).  Did not look impressive in eking out a win over the more or less hapless 49ers on Monday.  The defense has to play better or it could be one and done for the Cats. This week against the Vikings is a must win heading into the playoffs for the Lions to prove they’ve got the stuff. (with apologies to Cheech and Chong).
  5. Philadelphia Eagles (13-3).  Who needs Jalen Hurts against the hapless Cowboys?  Certainly not the Eagles.  But they may need Kenny Pickett this week.  Eagles fans should be pleading “please, please, please do not let Saquon Barkly play even if the single season rushing record is within reach.”
  6. Baltimore Ravens (11-5).  Outscoring their opponents by a 3 to 1 mark over the last 3 games is something you might call an indication of the havoc the Ravens could wreak as a lower seed in the playoffs.  The Texans are the likely first fodder on the route to an AFC championship game.
  7. Washington Commanders (11-5).  The Commanders could win 12 games.  The Commanders could win 12 games.  The Commanders  could win . . .  No matter how many times he says it, Red still can’t believe it.
  8. Los Angeles Chargers (10-6).  Chargers could make some noise, but realistically they are the 4th best team in the AFC.  But it’s a funny game with an oddly shaped ball.
  9. Green Bay Packers (11-5).  Red sees the Packers, packing it in, packing their bags and heading home in the first round.
  10. Pittsburgh Stealers (10-6).  Hopefully, the Stealers are happy just to be in the playoffs because not much else has gone right lately with three losses in a row against the better competition. And there is only better competition in the playoffs.
  11. Los Angeles Rams (10-6).  It looked very unlikely at the mid point of the season and even less so after a 1-4 start, but the Rams are in.  The offense has not been clicking for 3 weeks, but that could change.  
  12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-7).  Maybe?
  13. Denver Broncos (9-7).  The Broncos may catch the Chiefs during a bye week for the big stars which could put the Broncos into the playoffs just in time to get stomped by a real team.
  14. Cincinnati Bengals (8-8).  A hard luck season deserves a fairy tale ending.  But fairy tales are just that.
  15. Houston Texans (9-7).  When Tank Dell went out, the lights went out in Houston.  C.J. Stroud has struggled down the stretch. Among the many ugly losses in franchise history, the utter ass-whomping the Ravens gave them on Christmas day has to rank way up there. A playoff win would be miraculous at this point.  
  16. Seattle Seahawks (9-7).  Are better than some teams playing in the postseason.  The inexplicable loss to the Giants early on has the Hawks at home for the new year.
  17. Miami Dolphins (8-8).  It just doesn’t appear that Tua will ever stay healthy enough to pull this team through.
  18. Atlanta Falcons (8-8).  They’re not dead yet!
  19. Arizona Cardinals (7-9)  Is anyone really surprised the Cards tanked?
  20. San Francisco 49ers (6-10).  Game until the end, but the end is nigh. Well about half past nigh anyway.
  21. Indianapolis Colts (7-9).  Defense let them down time and time again this season. And for the last time against the Giants?  Ugh. Oh wait, there is another game in which the Colts D can still suck.
  22. New Orleans Saints (5-11).  Will get to watch the Superb Owl from the comfort of Bourbon St. Drink up boys!
  23. Dallas Cowboys (7-9).  If you think having Dak back is going to lead this team out of the wilderness next season, well you have another think coming.  Red just wishes he could rank the Cowboys lower than this, but he is a fair man.  Not a good man, but a fair man.
  24. Carolina Panthers (4-12).  Are you still reading? What is your problem?
  25. Las Vegas Raiders (4-12).  The parade of 4-12 teams continues.
  26. Chicago Bears (4-12).  Not the worst of the 4-12 teams is damning with faint praise.
  27. New York Jets (4-12).  Aaron Rodgers is not the most sacked QB of all time.  So the Jets have that going for them.
  28. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-12).  The only way is up from this season.  There are some reasons for hope in Brian Thomas, Jr. and the return of Trevor Lawrence. And they play in a shit division.
  29. New York Giants (3-13).  Red would really have liked to rank the Giants last, but they are such a disappointment to him – what with winning a game and all.
  30. Cleveland Browns (3-13).  Another year, another shitty Browns season.
  31. Tennessee Titans (3-13).  If you don’t have anything nice to say – you probably should be apply to be a bloviator on ESPN.
  32. New England Patriots (3-13).  Even Red is surprised that the Pats are the laughing stock of the league. But he’s still laughing.

Red’s 2024 Weekly NFL Rankings – Week 15

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There is a lot of complaining about the MNF double-headers this season. To be fair, no one complained much when there was only one double-header on opening weekend. But this year, there will be four – capped off in week 15 starting with the Bears at the Vikings and followed 30 minutes later by the Falcons at the Raiders. Red doesn’t know about you, but maybe one of these two games might actually offer some excitement. Red isn’t holding his breath.

On to more important things.

  1. Detroit Lions (12-1) – It took a lot to beat the Packers, but beat them they did.
  2. Kansas City Chiefs (12-1) Running out of different ways to win games on the last play.
  3. Philadelphia Eagles (11-2) Beating all comers right now. That is, if the Panthers rate as a “comer.”
  4. Minnesota Vikings (11-2) Red hasn’t believed. Red may be wrong.
  5. Pittsburgh Stealers (10-3) Stealers have not won in Philadelphia since 1965. LBJ was president and the Vietnam War was heating up. LBJ is dead. Vietnam is more or less an ally and the Stealers will have to wait another 8 years.
  6. Buffalo Bills (10-3) Josh Allen is the first player in NFL history to rush for 3 touchdowns and throw for 3 touchdowns in a single game – and yet it wasn’t enough. Bills defense is cratering.
  7. Green Bay Packers (9-4) Losing the close games to good teams does not bode well for a playoff run.
  8. Baltimore Ravens (8-5) Oh how the mighty have fallen. Edgar, Allan and Poe are ready to shout “Nevermore.”
  9. Los Angeles Chargers (8-5) Ignore the Chargers at your peril.
  10. Seattle Seahawks (8-5) Four wins in a row. The hottest team not named the Lions, Chiefs or Eagles.
  11. Denver Broncos (8-5) Continuing to surprise Red – and most of the league.
  12. Washington Commanders (8-5) Favorable schedule down the stretch has this team on the inside track for a wild card spot.
  13. Los Angeles Rams (7-6) Matthew Stafford is 11-1 in December since moving to the west coast.
  14. Houston Texans (8-5) Since stomping the Cowboys, the Texans have been decidedly mediocre.
  15. Tampa Buccaneers (7-6) Control their fate in the weak NFC South.
  16. Arizona Cardinals (6-7) What has happened to Marvin Jr.?
  17. San Francisco 49ers (6-7) Their injury list would make a grown man weep.
  18. Indianapolis Colts (6-7) Every game is now a playoff game for the Colts.
  19. Atlanta Falcons (6-7) Every other game is now a playoff game for the Falcons.
  20. Cincinnati Bengals (5-8) “If I only had a defense” – a new verse for the Wizard of Oz classic song.
  21. Miami Dolphins (6-7) Maybe?
  22. New Orleans Saints (5-8) Maybe not.
  23. Chicago Bears (4-9) Definitely not.
  24. Dallas Cowboys (5-8) Red predicts a 1-3 finish for the team in Arlington. Will they ever win a home game?
  25. Carolina Panthers (3-10) Red can say this, the Panthers are the best 3-10 team in the NFL.
  26. Cleveland Browns (3-10) At least they are entertaining.
  27. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-10) The Jaguars have won 3 games? Was Red asleep?
  28. Tennesee Titans (3-10) The AFC South has more than its fair share of 3-10 teams.
  29. New York Jets (3-10) Maybe 3-10 is the new parity?
  30. New England Patriots (3-10) Yep.
  31. New York Giants (2-11) Sad times in the Big A.
  32. Las Vegas Raiders (2-11) Red is not betting on the come.

Red’s Predictions for 2025 – More or Less Texas Version

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Red has always thought of himself as mildly psychic or perhaps just mildly delusional.  But Red had a dream last night in which he saw the future of Texas in the year of our Lord 2025.

1.            The Texas Longhorns will not win the National Championship.

2.            Fans will claim the Horns got robbed.

3.            The Texas legislature will fail to pass a bill banning all cannabis products.

4.            Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick will commence to throw a hissy fit and bandy threats about.

5.            The Muskrat will be involved in a near fatal Tesla crash and will blame it on the godless leftist radicals.

6.            Another deep freeze – another power grid failure.

7.            Austin housing market will continue to nose dive and office vacancy rates will soar.

8.            Bastrop will go to hell as the Muskmelon moves in.

9.            The Dallas Cowboys will miss the playoffs for the second straight season.  Panic ensues.

10.         Trump will visit Texas at least 4 times accompanied by the Muskellunge. Crowds will be decidedly smaller but  several attendees will die from heat stroke and/or be crushed trying to get a look at their emperor god.

11.         Matthew McConaghy will not run for governor.

12.         A new TV series set in Amarillo will be in the works starring John Travolta as a used car dealer.

13.         Dismantling of the FDA causes massive listeria outbreak when MAGATS begin to drink raw milk.

14. Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is appointed as ambassador to Bhutan. No, he is totally snubbed.

15. Houston Texans win the AFC South with 12-5 record.

16. San Antonio Spurs return to the NBA playoffs.

17. Texas Governor Abbott is injured in a mysterious wheelchair accident involving dwarves.

18. A major art theft hits a noted Texas museum.

19. El Paso attempts to secede and join New Mexico.

20. When Trump attempts to invade Mexico, swarms of immigrants swoop across the Rio Bravo.

Red’s 2024 Weekly NFL Rankings – Week 14

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The closing stretch is near.  Who will be in? Who will be out?  Why are you asking Red?

  1. Detroit Lions (11-1)  Red premiers a new feature beginning with the Lions this week.  Actually, before he was just too lazy to include W/L record.  Lions deserve this spot.  Can they keep their players on the field?
  2. Philadelphia Eagles (10-2) Eagles have inside track to No. 1 seed in NFC with only the Vikings and Packers nipping at their wings.  Red is not aware that birds have heels.  Feel free to correct him.
  3. Buffalo Bills (10-2) – Red loves a good blizzard game.  Apparently, as does Josh Allen. Was that the best touchdown of the year?  Once again, how did the Texans beat this team?
  4. Kansas City Chiefs (11-1)  Chiefs may be the worst 11-1 team in NFL history.   But they continue to win close one-score games. 
  5. Minnesota Vikings (10-2) Still doing it with smoke and mirrors.
  6. Green Bay Packers (9-3) Mirrors will need to be brightly polished and the smoke machine will need to be finely tuned against the Lions on Thursday.
  7. Pittsburgh Stealers (9-3)  Those who counted R. Wilson out are now licking their wounds.
  8. Denver Broncos (7-5)  Broncos wish they were in the AFC South.
  9. Baltimore Ravens (8-5) Are the Ravens swirling the drain?  Defense must step up or the Ravens will be grasping for the No. 7 seed in AFC.
  10. Washington Commanders (8-5) The Commanders are in the Top 10?  Are the end times near?
  11. Los Angeles Chargers (8-4)  I don’t think any AFC team wants to face the Bolts in the post-season.
  12. Seattle Seahawks (7-5)  Geno is playing well again and has the Falconos Marinos (which is Red’s favorite Spanish name for an NFL team) on a roll.
  13. Arizona Cardinals (6-6)  You just never know which Cardinals team is going to show up on game day.
  14. Houston Texans (8-5)  Can they beat the Chiefs or the Ravens down the stretch?  Red is calling it now.  Yes and No.
  15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-6) What can you say about a team like the Bucs?  Red has no clue.
  16. Los Angeles Rams (6-6)  Could be trouble if they make the playoffs and get some key players back.
  17. Atlanta Falcons (6-6)  Cannot make up their mind.
  18. Indianapolis Colts (6-7) Colts are a living, breathing, walking embodiment of parody in that they are not out of the playoff picture yet.
  19. Dallas Cowboys (5-7) Two game winning streak has fans excited.  Calm down now.
  20. Miami Dolphins (5-7) Return on investment is very poor.
  21. San Francisco 49ers (5-7) Need to go 4-1 down the stretch.  And that would be a stretch.
  22. Cincinnati Bengals (4-8)  Bengals cannot buy a break this season. Cowboys had better watch out.
  23. New Orleans Saints (4-8) Saints do not deserve a break.
  24. Chicago Bears (4-8)  Bears are simply broken.
  25. Carolina Panthers (3-9)  Showing signs of life.
  26. Cleveland Browns (3-8)  Jameis Winston is fun to watch – that is if you like roller coasters.
  27. Tennessee Titans (3-10)  Will Levis has not sucked for several weeks now.
  28. New York Jets (3-9)  Will they ever learn?  It’s not looking good.
  29. New England Patriots (3-10)  Red is going to write a poem about the Pats season. Ode to Hubris.
  30. New York Giants (2-10)  Do they Giants have one good game left in them?
  31. Las Vegas Raiders (2-10)  Casinos are packed.  Stadium – not so much.
  32. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-10) Hopefully, the coaching staff is not foolish enough to let Trevor Lawrence play again this year and that is now confirmed.  All hail, Mac Jones – our reigning Dead Man of the Year!

Red’s Weekly NFL Rankings – Week 13

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A short work week, but an action packed (more or less) 3 days of NFL excitement (more or less).

  1. Detroit Lions – Beating the Colts is like – Well Red doesn’t know what it is like, but it isn’t anything to get too excited about.
  2. Buffalo Bills – Getting turnovers and scoring a lot more points than your opponents is Red’s Week 13 Recipe for Success.
  3. Kansas City Chiefs – Word of advice from Red, don’t use up all of your lucky breaks in the regular season.
  4. Philadelphia Eagles – Could easily be in the 3rd spot and currently have the inside track to the NFC Championship.
  5. Minnesota Vikings – 50 count ’em 50 combined takeaways and sacks. But why haven’t they blocked any kicks?
  6. Green Bay Packers – Are in the 6th spot only because the Stealers lost to the Browns. The Browns!
  7. Pittsburgh Stealers. Lost to the Browns. The Browns!
  8. Baltimore Ravens – Got a much needed win against the triple reverse time zone hex against the Chargers. But guys, 8-4 and counting is maybe going to get you the No. 5 seed.
  9. Los Angeles Chargers – Still in the mix in the AFC West.
  10. Denver Broncos – Also in the mix in the AFC West.
  11. Washington Commanders – Looked pitiful against a pitiful Cowboys squad. Special teams sucked.
  12. Houston Texans – Losing to the Titans at home and now swirling the drain in a weak division. 2-3 wins should secure another useless AFC -South Banner at NRG.
  13. Seattle Seahawks – The best of the mediocre 6-win teams still having a shot at the playoffs.
  14. Arizona Cardinals – Lost to the Seahawks officially making them the second best of the mediocre 6–win teams still having a shot at the playoffs.
  15. Atlanta Falcons – Remaining a mediocre 6-win team still having a shot at the playoffs by virtue of a bye week.
  16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Proving that you can’t quite make it through half of the teams before you have to pick a team with a losing record. Parity!
  17. Miami Dolphins – Finally have most of the pieces in place and got a nice warm up game against the hapless Patriots. Red really enjoys writing “hapless Patriots.”
  18. San Francisco 49ers – Ugly, ugly, ugly loss to the Packers. Ugly, ugly, ugly prospects right now.
  19. Los Angeles Rams – Right about where they should be.
  20. Indianapolis Colts – 1-4 over the last five. Red can hear the faint cries for “Flacco Joe, Flacco Joe.”
  21. Cincinnati Bengals – Somewhere Joe Burrow is singing “If I only had a defense.” Not sure the Wizard can help you Joe.
  22. New Orleans Saints – The top sub-mediocre team.
  23. Chicago Bears – The exemplar of sub-mediocre teams.
  24. Dallas Cowboys – Is a two game win streak possible? Stay tuned, we will find out tomorrow.
  25. Tennessee Titans – Win over Texans will be the highlight of the season most likely.
  26. Carolina Panthers – Actually showing signs of life in excellent showing against the favorite of the Gods – i.e. the Chiefs.
  27. Cleveland Browns – Long suffering Browns fans continue to suffer.
  28. Las Vegas Raiders – Coming up snake eyes.
  29. New York Jets – Sad.
  30. New England Patriots – Sadder
  31. New York Giants – Saddest
  32. Jacksonville Jaguars – Beyond sadness at this point.

CONWAY TWITTY’s TEN BEST ADULTERY SONGS

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"Hello Darlin'" is a composition and recording of American country ...

Red loves him some Conway Twitty. And as CT is the undisputed King of County Adultery, Red thought you might like a playlist even though Conway – sadly – is not from Texas. For the record, Red is against adultery as a general rule, but without cheating classic country music is pretty much limited to drinking, fighting while drunk, driving, driving while drinking, Mama, rain and general bad times.

  1. Linda on My Mind. Maybe the adultery hasn’t happened yet, but you know it’s going to.
  2. I See the Want to in Your Eyes. Oh yeah. He’s ready to jump on a married woman and Conway thinks she is too.
  3. Hello Darlin’. Longing for some adultery with an old flame who has moved on. She has a new man – but is he her husband? Red says yes.
  4. Darling You Know I Wouldn’t Lie. Yeah, right.
  5. Mississippi Woman, Louisiana Man (with the great Loretta Lynn). You know there’s something going on if you’re will to swim alligator infested waters.
  6. I Can Tell You’ve Never Been this Far Before. There is some debate about this one – is she a virgin or a first time adulterer. Given Conway’s track record Red will throw it in anyway.
  7. Back Street Affair (also with Loretta Lynn). There’s no doubt about his one. “They say I wrecked your life and brought sorrow to your wife.”
  8. I Wonder if You Told Her About Me (there’s definitely something going on with Conway and Loretta). Red will take bets that he hasn’t.
  9. It’s Only Make Believe. A bit of a stretch here. Red thinks she is probably married. But this is such a great song, you have to put it on any Conway Twitty list.
  10. Tight Fittin’ Jeans. She’s rich, probably married to a geezer and on the move. Conway’s ready.

Red’s NFL Rankings – Week 12

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Week 12 has come and gone with a few surprises. Red is posting this just in time for no one to actually pay attention even though he wrote it on Tuesday.

  1. Detroit Lions –  The Lions have played a much tougher schedule having beaten teams that are in contention for the playoffs (Rams, Seahawks, Vikings, Packers and Texans) – not too mention having scored 52 points twice this season.  The early season loss to the Bucs is the only blemish.
  2. Kansas City Chiefs – The Chiefs have historical trouble with the Bills.   Chiefs have had a fairly weak schedule with a signature win only against the  Ravens in the season opener.  It’s a pretty weak group the rest of the way with only the Texans and Stealers standing in the way down the stretch.
  3. Buffalo Bills – Can we all praise Josh Allen now?  He’s the toughest quarterback since Steve McNair. The suddenly “Lucky Bills” get to play the Pats twice, Jets, Rams and Niners with only the Lions looking up to the test the rest of the way. 5-1 finish is doable.
  4. Pittsburgh Stealers –  Big, big win over the Ravens has Pitt in line for a division title – Color Red shocked.
  5. Philadelphia Eagles – Handled division rival Commanders with 4th quarter scoring blitz. Eagles are becoming fun to watch again.
  6. Baltimore Ravens – Lamar Jackson always plays poorly against the Stealers – and sank Red’s fantasy team this week..
  7. Minnesota Vikings – Unfortunately playing in same division as the Lions and more unfortunately have Darn Old Sam at the helm.
  8. Arizona Cardinals – Coach of the Year in waiting right now?
  9. Los Angles Chargers – Every time Red thinks the Chargers are going to do something they disappoint.  Stop thinking Red.
  10. Houston Texans – What an ass whomping the Texans laid on the hapless Cowboys. If they keep scoring second half points they will be difficult to stop – but Red doesn’t see them beating the Chiefs and Ravens back to back in weeks 16 and 17. If they can split those games – look out.
  11. Washington Commanders – Still look a bit like pretenders to Red.
  12. Green Bay Packers  – It’s got be frustrating to be 7-3 and have it look like there is only an outside chance of winning your division.
  13. Denver Broncos – Tore the Falcons a new one.
  14. Atlanta Falcons  – Now with scatological options after getting routed by the Broncos – not a good look.
  15.  Seattle Seahawks – Leading the parade of 5 win NFC West teams on the outside looking but not out of it yet.
  16. Los Angeles Rams – One step behind Seattle and in it.
  17.  San Franciso 49ers  – Three steps behind and in last place in their division and somehow not yet out of it.
  18. Indianapolis Colts – Leading the parade of 5 win teams that are barely still in the playoff mix.
  19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Top of the dregs is about all Red can say without hurting someone’s feelings.
  20. Miami Dolphins – All wet.
  21. Cincinnati Bengals – Simply cannot catch a break with a basket right now.
  22. Chicago Bears – Excelling at losing winnable games.  Everyone has a purpose.
  23. New Orleans Saints – Who dat? Who cares?
  24. New York Jets – We all knew A-Rodg was insane.  It’s nice to have positive confirmation.
  25. New England Patriots – Are they still around?
  26. New York Giants – Here Red is just rounding out the “New” teams for fun. The Giants don’t really deserve this high of a ranking even without Daniel Jones.
  27. Carolina Panthers – The Panthers have won two games in a row and are seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately, the light is the Chiefs Express rolling down the track.
  28. Dallas Cowboys – “I’ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.” H. Simpson. Jerry will need a new face lift after this season.
  29.  Tennessee Titans – Moving on to the part of the rankings that no one cares about.
  30. Los Angeles Raiders – Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
  31. Cleveland Browns – Are they still around?
  32. Jacksonville Jaguars – Man, there sure are a lot of crappy teams in the AFC.

Andrew Sullivan writes – Red translates.

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Red has been something of an Andrew Sullivan fan mostly based on his clear-headed writing style and his realistic appraisal of the political world. Red is less enthralled with Sullivan’ continual attempt to destroy the Democratic Party and his now utterly foolish seeming love affair with Trump (aka the future Conmander in Chief (TM)). How he expects anything better from a second Trump term is beyond Red.

Here is part of his take from after the election on the Weekly Dish.

Trump is now a world-historical figure (so were Hitler, Stalin and Mao, but let’s not nitpick), the most significant American politician of this century so far (which could not be a sadder statement given that he is a rapist, felon, narcissist, traitor, con man, fraudster and pathological liar but these are mere details to me in my conservative worldview), with a real mandate (Isn’t it great that we can all talk about the penises of professional golfers now – BTW, I hear that Bryson Dechambeau has a needle dick). That requires, in my view, an attitude adjustment: not a doubling down of “resistance” but a strategy of engagement and discerning opposition (I’m channeling my great British hero Neville Chamberlain here). The way to get Trump to do what you want is to flatter and seduce him (history tells us that hookers and blow or crushed Adderall might work – and also mention his massive hog)— the way Putin and Kim Jong Un do (some fine examples of humanity that I’m citing here- who BTW have played Trump for a complete fool). I suspect that finally giving him the establishment respect he so desperately yearns for (and empirically could not deserve less) could be the most effective way of dealing with him (What a minute Neville is calling me again) . That requires a real shift in worldview among his opponents (aka an abject denial of reality). And it will not come easy to many of us (Prepare to be gagged with a Ginzu). But if this election doesn’t occasion that, what would (pay no attention to the current shit show of cabinet selections because I sure don’t plan to)?

Yes, this is democracy in action (suspiciously). It hasn’t died (it’s merely on life support now). It has, in fact, surprised us by revealing a much less tribal and less racially polarized country than we imagined (folks would rather have a wannabe dictator rather than a decent woman of color running things, but who am I to question that?), a vibrant electorate open to change (yes the change of electing a former president who drove the economy into the ground, was a laughingstock around the world, used the office for personal gain and profit, and who now promises revenge and retribution) and nuance (in buying into tons of flagrant lying and rambling bullshit) and two multiracial coalitions vying for power (one promising fairness, decency, jobs, expansion of the middle class, strong world leadership and growth and the other motivated by hatred and bent on subjugating and humiliating their fellow citizens and worse for anyone here illegally – what could be better?). Trump remains the unknown, of course (if being a pathological liar and utterly corrupt and demented con man are unknowns that is). And we could be headed for disaster if both he and his opponents revert to form (yes, there are decent people on both sides – one side just wants to imprison or kill the other – but of course, it will be the left’s fault when this descends into anarchy). But there is an opening here (Dear Camel, may I show you this needle?), if we want to take it (Yes sir, Give me another). For the first time in eight years, I feel some small confidence in saying this once again, even as many around me seem sunk in despair (Sorry, Neville calling again – good luck when the Trump militia knocks on your door).

Red has but one question for Andrew:

If it comes down to a choice for doing what is best for the country or what is best for Donald Trump, what do you think he is going to do?

You can believe what every you want, but no amount of flattery or feigned respect is ever going to alter Trump’s lifelong pattern of narcissism, skullduggery, lying, corruption and fraud. It’s a wet dream to believe otherwise as you seemingly do now.

As Red has said, he has but one compliment to give Trump – He is without a doubt the greatest con man to ever walk the face of the earth.

But please give Red a call, he has some prime real estate in Florida to sell you – if Trump doesn’t beat Red to it first.

Red’s 2024 NFL – Week 11 Rankings

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All the crazies agree with Red’s rankings this week. The couch humper, the pedophile, the dog and goat killer and the bear dumper all thing Red is the shit.

  1. Kansas City Chiefs – Winning in every possible way it would seem. Broncos blow what could have been the upset of the year.
  2. Detroit Lions – Amazing second half comeback.  But Houston fans are used to those. Ask Frank Reich.
  3. Buffalo Bills – First 8-2 record since 1993.  That seems impossible given the Bills regular season excellence since the arrival of Josh Allen.
  4. Baltimore Ravens – No team is more dangerous when all the pieces are in place. Unstoppable if on their game. Still wondering how the Texans beat them.
  5. Minnesota Vikings -A crappy, low-scoring, bottom-of-the-barrel win against the Jaguars, but a win nonetheless.
  6. Philadelphia Eagles – Riding high on a 5-game win streak and scoring points with Red for the complete dismantling of the Cowboys – something we all enjoy.  Well most of us with any sense anyway.
  7. Pittsburgh Stealers – For real?  Maybe so. Doing the quarterback shuffle.
  8. Washington Commanders – Losing to Stealers can be assuaged by a win over the Eagles. But don’t bet the farm on that.
  9. Houston Texans – Scoring in the second half is usually necessary for winning.  On the bright side, they did hang with the second best team in the league until the final seconds. Of course, that really isn’t very bright.
  10. Green Bay Packers – Red still thinks the Pack are pretenders in a very tough division.
  11. Arizona Cardinals – Oddly, the Cards completely control their path to the postseason. The Cards’ defense playing better than any other team over the last month.
  12. Los Angeles Chargers – Bengals and Ravens are up next.  1-1 would be sufficient to keep hanging around.
  13. San Francisco 49ers – Just hanging around – Everybody!
  14. Atlanta Falcons – Cannot lose to inferior teams.  The Saints logo is in the dictionary next to “inferior.”
  15. Seattle Seahawks – Beginning the march to the bottom of the NFC West?
  16. Tampa Bay Bucs – 1-5 record over last six games and they are still in the top half?  WTF.
  17. Denver Broncos – As they say, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against the Chiefs. Ugh.
  18. Cincinnati Bengals – At least they can say they played in the most exciting regular season game of the year –  and lost!
  19. Los Angeles Rams – Staggering around looking for a place to fall.
  20. Chicago Bears – The Bears seem to have already found a place to fall.
  21. Miami Dolphins – Could be worse.  Could be raining.
  22. Indianapolis Colts – Red will miss beating up on Flacco Joe.  But life goes on.
  23. Dallas Cowboys – Are beyond staggering around right now – unless you count staggeringly awful.
  24. New Orleans Saints – Showing signs of life. Very faint signs.
  25. New York Jets – I don’t think you could pay Red to attend a Jets game – even with airfare and hotel included.
  26. Cleveland Browns – Getting a break this week only because they had a bye.
  27. New England Patriots – Could someone help Red here, he is truly puzzled?
  28. Las Vegas Raiders – Surrounded by the stench of death in the desert, the locker room, the sideline and the Strip.
  29. Carolina Panthers – Panthers get a break from Red every time they win a game.
  30. New York Giants – Does Red have to say anything? Anyone, anyone, Bueller, anyone?
  31. Jacksonville Jaguars – Bad with Trevor, bad without Trevor.
  32. Tennessee Titans – One could almost forget that there is a professional football team in Nashville – but the bastards won’t let us.